The diagram below shows the process of growing and preparing pineapples and pineapple products. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given diagram depicts the process of cultivating and preparing pineapples as well as how to make pineapple products.
Overall, it is delineated that the process comprises two main stages, commencing with growing pineapples needed some nature factors and collecting them with specific size and culminating with three ways of producing pineapple products.
Initially, the crown of pineapple is grown on land until it reaches the height of 26 centimetres, which requires sunlights and the temperature from 23 to 30 degrees. Subsequently, pineapple is cultivated for a long period of seven months before continuing to grow in 5 months with the lights of sun and ethylene to make it well-developed. The result of this process is the final pineapple with the right height and weight, which is 30 centimetres and 2 kilograms.
Moving to the following phase, the cleaning process of pineapples starts in a large tank with a shower and freshwater. Next, there are three methods of making pineapple products. The first one is to release the excess parts of pineapples with a knife before putting the results into an extractor, in which they are extracted into pineapple juices packed in bottles. In the second process, pineapples undergo the same step of cleaning as the first one, but then they are cut into pieces in order to produce canned pineapple jam. The final method is just to wash the pineapples before packing them in boxes. Once this process is completed, pineapples are finally loaded in a large ship exporting overseas.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"commencing with growing pineapples needed some nature factors" -> "initiating with the cultivation of pineapples, requiring specific environmental factors"
Explanation: The phrase "commencing with growing pineapples needed some nature factors" lacks precision and clarity. The suggested improvement provides a more explicit description of the initial stage of pineapple cultivation, emphasizing the necessity of specific environmental conditions.
"sunlights" -> "sunlight"
Explanation: "Sunlights" is grammatically incorrect; the correct term is "sunlight" when referring to the illumination provided by the sun.
"ethylene" -> "ethylene gas"
Explanation: Adding "gas" clarifies that ethylene is in gaseous form, enhancing precision in describing its role in the pineapple growth process.
"well-developed" -> "matured"
Explanation: While "well-developed" is acceptable, "matured" is a more concise and commonly used term to describe the state of the pineapple after the growth process.
"the result of this process is the final pineapple with the right height and weight" -> "culminating in the production of mature pineapples with specified height and weight"
Explanation: The suggested improvement provides a more refined and formal expression of the outcome of the growth process, emphasizing the specific attributes of the mature pineapple.
"Moving to the following phase" -> "Transitioning to the subsequent stage"
Explanation: "Moving to the following phase" can be replaced with a more formal expression like "Transitioning to the subsequent stage" to enhance the essay’s overall tone.
"large tank with a shower" -> "sizeable container with a rinsing system"
Explanation: Describing the tank as a "sizeable container with a rinsing system" provides a clearer and more detailed picture of the cleaning process, avoiding potential ambiguity.
"extracted into pineapple juices packed in bottles" -> "processed into bottled pineapple juice"
Explanation: The suggested improvement streamlines the expression and maintains clarity by specifying that the pineapple is processed into bottled juice.
"undergo the same step of cleaning" -> "undergo a similar cleaning process"
Explanation: "The same step of cleaning" is slightly awkward; using "undergo a similar cleaning process" conveys the idea more smoothly.
"wash the pineapples" -> "rinse the pineapples"
Explanation: "Rinse the pineapples" is a more precise term for the cleaning process, emphasizing the removal of any impurities without implying a full washing.
"loading in a large ship exporting overseas" -> "loaded onto a sizable vessel for overseas export"
Explanation: The suggested improvement provides a more polished and formal expression of the final step, emphasizing the transportation aspect and specifying the destination for export.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
The essay generally addresses the task, providing an overview of the stages involved in growing and preparing pineapples, along with a description of the processes to make pineapple products. However, the overview lacks coherence and detail, and there’s a tendency to focus on specific details rather than presenting a clear summary of the main features.
How to improve:
- Focus on summarizing the main stages and key points in a more structured manner.
- Ensure a coherent flow by emphasizing the most important stages of pineapple cultivation and product preparation.
- Avoid excessive detailing of specific steps and concentrate on highlighting the main features as requested in the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure with a clear progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the content, and the two main stages of growing and preparing pineapples are logically presented. There is a clear attempt at paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the process. Additionally, cohesive devices are used to connect ideas, though there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as in the phrase "culminating with three ways of producing pineapple products." The use of cohesive devices and paragraphing, while effective in parts, is inconsistent and may be confusing for the reader.
How to improve:
- Ensure logical and consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to how ideas are connected, avoiding faulty cohesion.
- Maintain a more consistent and logical approach to paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- Review sentence structure for clarity and coherence, particularly in complex sentences. This will enhance the overall flow of ideas.
Note: The essay provides a basic level of coherence but falls short of achieving a more advanced level due to inconsistencies in cohesion and paragraphing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the process of growing and preparing pineapples. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "ethyne," and an awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "culminating with three ways." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "sunlights" instead of "sunlight" and "crown of pineapple is grown on land" where it might be clearer to say "pineapple plants are cultivated on land." Overall, the vocabulary is varied enough to meet the Band 7 criteria.
How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on eliminating occasional errors in word choice and spelling. Additionally, precision in vocabulary could be enhanced by providing more specific terms where possible. For instance, instead of using the general term "pineapple products," specifying the types of products being produced would add depth to the vocabulary. Furthermore, attention to detail in word form and spelling will enhance the overall lexical control.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a variety of sentence structures. It successfully communicates the key points of the process of growing and preparing pineapples and pineapple products. There is a consistent use of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the errors present are minor and do not significantly hinder communication. The essay maintains a good control of grammar and punctuation throughout.
How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could pay attention to sentence structure variety. While the essay uses complex structures well, incorporating a few more intricate sentence forms could add richness to the language. Additionally, a more precise choice of words and expressions could elevate the overall vocabulary, contributing to a higher score. Finally, a careful review for minor errors, such as the use of articles and prepositions, would contribute to a more polished and refined essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The presented diagram illustrates the sequential stages involved in the cultivation and processing of pineapples, along with the methods employed in producing pineapple-derived products.
Overall, the process can be divided into two primary phases: the initial cultivation of pineapples, influenced by environmental factors, and the subsequent manufacturing of various pineapple products.
In the cultivation phase, the pineapple crown is initially grown on land until it reaches a height of 26 centimeters, necessitating optimal sunlight and temperatures ranging from 23 to 30 degrees Celsius. Following this, a prolonged seven-month cultivation period ensues, during which the pineapple continues to grow for an additional five months under sunlight and ethylene exposure. This meticulous process results in a fully developed pineapple, attaining a specific height and weight of 30 centimeters and 2 kilograms, respectively.
Transitioning to the processing phase, the cleaning of harvested pineapples initiates within a spacious tank equipped with a shower and freshwater. Subsequently, the focus shifts to three distinct methods for pineapple product manufacturing. Firstly, excess parts of pineapples are removed with a knife, followed by extraction into pineapple juice packaged in bottles. The second method involves a similar cleaning process, but the pineapples are cut into pieces to produce canned pineapple jam. Lastly, the third method entails a simple washing of pineapples before packing them into boxes. Once these processes are completed, the packaged pineapples are transported via a large ship for exportation overseas.
In conclusion, the diagram delineates a comprehensive process encompassing the growth and preparation of pineapples, culminating in the production of diverse pineapple-based products through meticulous cultivation and processing methods.