The diagram below shows the process of making cheese. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the process of cheese production, outlining the steps involved from the initial treatment of raw milk to the final ripening of the cheese. The entire process can be broadly categorized into three main stages: milk processing, curd formation and treatment, and cheese ripening.
The first stage focuses on preparing the milk for cheesemaking. In most modern cheese production, raw milk undergoes pasteurization, a heat treatment process that eliminates harmful bacteria. The pasteurized milk is then standardized and filtered to ensure consistent quality. However, some traditional cheesemakers choose to bypass these steps, allowing the raw milk to proceed directly to the next stage.
The second stage involves the coagulation and treatment of milk to form curds. Rennet, an enzyme, is added to the milk, causing it to coagulate and separate into solid curds and liquid whey. Fermenting microorganisms are then introduced to initiate the fermentation process. The solidified milk is cut into smaller cubes, which are then stirred and cooked. This process further separates the curds and whey, with the whey being drained off. The curds are then milled and salted. At this stage, some curds are extracted and sold as cottage cheese or cream cheese.
The final stage involves shaping and ripening the remaining curds into different types of cheese. The salted curds are poured into molds, which are then pressed to remove any remaining whey. The molded cheese is left to ripen for a specific period, allowing it to develop its characteristic flavor and texture. This ripening process can vary significantly depending on the desired cheese variety.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates" -> "The diagram depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"raw milk" -> "unpasteurized milk"
Explanation: "Raw milk" can be ambiguous as it may refer to milk that has not been processed or milk that has not been pasteurized. Using "unpasteurized milk" clarifies the intended meaning.
"broadly categorized" -> "generally classified"
Explanation: "Generally classified" is more specific and academically appropriate than "broadly categorized," which is somewhat vague.
"cheesemaking" -> "cheese production"
Explanation: "Cheese production" is a more precise term that encompasses the entire process, whereas "cheesemaking" is more specific to the art of making cheese, which might not fully capture the scope of the diagram.
"bypass these steps" -> "omit these steps"
Explanation: "Omit" is a more formal and precise term than "bypass," which can imply a temporary or intentional avoidance, whereas "omit" suggests a deliberate exclusion from the process.
"coagulation and treatment" -> "coagulation and processing"
Explanation: "Processing" is a more comprehensive term that encompasses not only coagulation but also other steps involved in treating the milk, such as filtering and heating.
"fermenting microorganisms" -> "fermentation"
Explanation: "Fermentation" is a more specific and scientifically accurate term than "fermenting microorganisms," which could be seen as redundant.
"solidified milk" -> "curds"
Explanation: "Curds" is the correct term for the solid parts of milk after coagulation, making it more precise and appropriate in this context.
"milled and salted" -> "milled and seasoned"
Explanation: "Seasoned" is a more accurate term in this context, as it implies the addition of salt and possibly other flavorings, whereas "salted" could be misleadingly narrow.
"curds are extracted and sold" -> "curds are processed and sold"
Explanation: "Processed" is a broader term that encompasses various steps beyond just extraction, which is more accurate in this context.
"shaping and ripening" -> "shaping and aging"
Explanation: "Aging" is the correct term for the process of allowing cheese to mature, whereas "ripening" is more commonly used for fruits and vegetables.
"left to ripen" -> "allowed to mature"
Explanation: "Allowed to mature" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "left to ripen," which is somewhat informal and less specific.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the cheese-making process, highlighting the three main stages: milk processing, curd formation and treatment, and cheese ripening. It accurately describes the key features of each stage, including pasteurization, standardization, rennet addition, fermentation, cutting, stirring, salting, molding, and ripening. The essay also makes relevant comparisons, such as the difference between traditional and modern cheesemaking methods.

How to improve: The essay could be further improved by providing more specific details about the different types of cheese produced and the variations in the ripening process. For example, the essay could mention that different cheeses have different ripening times and that some cheeses are aged for months or even years.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay presents a logical sequence of information and ideas, clearly outlining the three main stages of cheese production. Each stage is well-defined and progresses naturally from one to the next, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is effective, with appropriate transitions and connectors that enhance the flow of the essay. Paragraphing is managed sufficiently, with each paragraph focusing on a specific stage of the process, although there could be slight improvements in the clarity of some transitions between stages.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to avoid any potential under- or over-use. Additionally, enhancing the clarity of transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph explicitly links back to the overall process could further improve coherence. Including more comparative language when discussing traditional versus modern methods could also add depth to the analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of cheese production. The use of terms such as "pasteurization," "coagulation," "fermenting microorganisms," and "ripening" showcases a strong command of lexical resources. The vocabulary is used fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings, and while there are some instances of less common lexical items, they are used appropriately. However, there are minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which prevent a higher score. For example, the phrase "the solidified milk is cut into smaller cubes" could be more precisely expressed as "the curds are cut into smaller pieces." There are also no significant errors in spelling or word formation, which supports the high score.

How to improve: To achieve a Band 9, the writer should focus on refining their word choice and ensuring that all lexical items are used with complete accuracy and sophistication. This could involve using more varied synonyms and avoiding repetition of terms where possible. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentence structures and ensuring that all vocabulary fits seamlessly within the context would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for any minor slips in word choice or collocation could help eliminate any inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and maintains good control of grammar and punctuation throughout. Most sentences are error-free, and the writer effectively communicates the cheese-making process in a clear and organized manner. However, there are occasional errors and some minor inaccuracies in the use of complex structures, which prevent it from reaching a higher band score. For example, the phrase "the molded cheese is left to ripen for a specific period" could be more precisely articulated to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing minor errors. This can be done by practicing more complex grammatical forms and ensuring that all sentences are carefully proofread for accuracy. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and varied sentence beginnings could enhance the overall grammatical range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The first stage focuses on preparing the milk for cheesemaking. In most modern cheese production, raw milk undergoes pasteurization, a heat treatment process that eliminates harmful bacteria. The pasteurized milk is then standardized and filtered to ensure consistent quality. However, some traditional cheesemakers opt to bypass these steps, allowing the raw milk to proceed directly to the next stage.

The second stage involves the coagulation and treatment of milk to form curds. Rennet, an enzyme, is added to the milk, causing it to coagulate and separate into solid curds and liquid whey. Fermenting microorganisms are subsequently introduced to initiate the fermentation process. The solidified milk is cut into smaller cubes, which are then stirred and cooked. This process further separates the curds and whey, with the whey being drained off. The curds are then milled and salted. At this stage, some curds are extracted and sold as cottage cheese or cream cheese.

The final stage involves shaping and ripening the remaining curds into different types of cheese. The salted curds are poured into molds, which are then pressed to remove any remaining whey. The molded cheese is left to ripen for a specific period, allowing it to develop its characteristic flavor and texture. This ripening process can vary significantly depending on the desired cheese variety.