The diagram below shows the process of making olive oil
The diagram below shows the process of making olive oil
The supplied flowchart reveals how olive oil is produced.
At a glance, looking from an overall view, the process is separated into eight main stages, commencing with collecting olives and culminating with the final products being transported to storage.
As can be seen from the picture, the first step of olive oil manufacturing is harvesting the olives from trees by using a rake. These olives are then stored in a vat for 2 to 3 days before being washed under cold water. Following this, a crusher with three hambers is used to grind the olives to get rid of olive stones and obtain its paste. The stones are discarded into containers, whereas the olive paste is transferred to the next step.
In the fifth step, this mixture undergoes respectively a process of pressing and filtering by using a hydraulic presser and filter membranes before transforming into liquid. Subsequently, a centrifuge, which applies spinning and dividing approaches, splits the liquid to filter out the hydrogen to get pure oil. This amount of olive oil is then separated and poured into similar bottles, followed by transport to the warehouse.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"looking from an overall view" -> "from an overall perspective"
Explanation: "Looking from an overall view" is informal and somewhat vague. "From an overall perspective" is more precise and aligns with academic language. -
"culminating with the final products being transported to storage" -> "culminating in the transportation of the final products to storage"
Explanation: "Culminating with" is awkward; "culminating in" is the correct prepositional phrase. This change also clarifies the action of transportation. -
"the first step of olive oil manufacturing" -> "the initial stage of olive oil production"
Explanation: "Initial stage" is more formal and precise than "first step," and "production" is a more appropriate term than "manufacturing" in this context. -
"by using a rake" -> "using a rake"
Explanation: "By using" is unnecessarily wordy; "using" is more concise and maintains clarity. -
"to get rid of olive stones and obtain its paste" -> "to remove olive stones and obtain the paste"
Explanation: "Get rid of" is informal; "remove" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "its paste" should be "the paste" for clarity. -
"a crusher with three hambers" -> "a crusher with three chambers"
Explanation: "Hambers" is a typographical error; "chambers" is the correct spelling. -
"this mixture undergoes respectively a process of pressing and filtering" -> "this mixture undergoes a sequential process of pressing and filtering"
Explanation: "Respectively" is misused here; "sequential" accurately conveys the order of processes. -
"by using a hydraulic presser and filter membranes" -> "utilizing a hydraulic press and filter membranes"
Explanation: "By using" can be replaced with "utilizing" for a more formal tone. "Hydraulic press" is a more standard term than "hydraulic presser." -
"before transforming into liquid" -> "before being transformed into liquid"
Explanation: The passive voice is more appropriate in this context to emphasize the process rather than the subject. -
"which applies spinning and dividing approaches" -> "which employs spinning and separation techniques"
Explanation: "Applies" is less precise; "employs" is a stronger verb. "Dividing approaches" is vague, while "separation techniques" is clearer and more formal. -
"to filter out the hydrogen to get pure oil" -> "to separate impurities and obtain pure oil"
Explanation: "Filter out the hydrogen" is misleading; "separate impurities" is more accurate. "Get" is informal, while "obtain" is more suitable for academic writing. -
"this amount of olive oil is then separated and poured into similar bottles" -> "the olive oil is then collected and transferred into identical bottles"
Explanation: "This amount of olive oil" is vague; "the olive oil" is clearer. "Collected and transferred" is more precise than "separated and poured," and "identical" is more accurate than "similar." -
"followed by transport to the warehouse" -> "followed by transportation to the warehouse"
Explanation: "Transport" as a noun is less formal; "transportation" is the more appropriate term in this context.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not fully extend the key features/bullet points.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the process, including a clear description of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more information about the different types of equipment used in the process, or the different stages of the process.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the initial stage of harvesting olives to the final step of transporting the olive oil. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some sections could benefit from clearer topic sentences or transitions to enhance the reader’s understanding.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will help reduce repetition and enhance overall coherence.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing a process. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "culminating," "hydraulic presser," and "centrifuge," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "hambers" instead of "chambers" and "get rid of olive stones" which could be phrased more formally. There are also minor spelling errors that do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall lexical control.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of vocabulary and ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling. Using more sophisticated synonyms and varying sentence structures can enhance the fluency and flexibility of the language. Additionally, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used correctly will help in achieving a higher score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases (e.g., "three hambers" should be "three chambers," and "to filter out the hydrogen" is unclear in context), these errors do not significantly impede communication. The overall structure is logical, and the essay provides a clear overview of the olive oil production process. However, the presence of errors in grammar and punctuation, along with some awkward phrasing, prevents it from achieving a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:
- Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
- Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors to ensure that sentences are error-free.
- Clarify Ambiguities: Ensure that all terms used are clear and relevant to the context, avoiding vague phrases that could confuse the reader.
- Practice Complex Structures: Engage in exercises that focus on using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings to improve overall grammatical control.
Bài sửa mẫu
The supplied flowchart illustrates the process of olive oil production.
At a glance, from an overall perspective, the process is divided into eight main stages, beginning with the collection of olives and culminating with the final products being transported to storage.
As can be observed from the diagram, the first step in olive oil manufacturing involves harvesting the olives from trees using a rake. These olives are then stored in a vat for 2 to 3 days before being washed with cold water. Following this, a crusher with three chambers is employed to grind the olives, removing the olive stones and producing a paste. The stones are discarded into containers, while the olive paste is transferred to the next stage.
In the fifth step, this mixture undergoes a process of pressing and filtering using a hydraulic presser and filter membranes, transforming it into liquid. Subsequently, a centrifuge, which utilizes spinning and dividing methods, separates the liquid to filter out the water, resulting in pure olive oil. This amount of olive oil is then collected and poured into similar bottles, followed by transportation to the warehouse.
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