The diagram below shows the process of making olive oil. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how olive oil is made.
Overall, there are eight distinct stages in this process, beginning with the collection of olives and ending with the transporting to the store.
In the first stage, olives are collected from trees using a rake and then stored in a vat for 2 to 3 days. After this period, the olives are washed and sent through a crusher, where they are broken down into smaller pieces, separating the olive stones from the paste. The olive paste is then transferred to a hydraulic press, where it is pressed and filtered. Following this, the oil undergoes a spinning and separating process in a centrifuge, which removes water and any remaining impurities. Finally, the purified olive oil is bottled and transported to stores for distribution. This step-by-step method ensures that the olive oil is of high quality and ready for consumer use.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates how olive oil is made." -> "The diagram depicts the process of olive oil production."
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise verb than "illustrates" in this context, and "process of olive oil production" is a more formal and specific term than "how olive oil is made."
"Overall, there are eight distinct stages in this process, beginning with the collection of olives and ending with the transporting to the store." -> "The process involves eight distinct stages, commencing with the harvesting of olives and concluding with the transportation to the store."
Explanation: "Commencing" and "concluding" are more formal and precise than "beginning" and "ending." Additionally, "transporting" is corrected to "transportation" for grammatical accuracy.
"In the first stage, olives are collected from trees using a rake and then stored in a vat for 2 to 3 days." -> "In the initial stage, olives are gathered from trees using a rake and then stored in a vat for a period of 2 to 3 days."
Explanation: "Gathered" is more formal than "collected," and "a period of" is more precise than "for." Also, removing the unnecessary space after the comma improves readability.
"After this period, the olives are washed and sent through a crusher, where they are broken down into smaller pieces, separating the olive stones from the paste." -> "Following this period, the olives are washed and then passed through a crusher, where they are broken down into smaller pieces, separating the olive stones from the paste."
Explanation: "Passed through" is more formal than "sent through," and the addition of "then" clarifies the sequence of actions.
"The olive paste is then transferred to a hydraulic press, where it is pressed and filtered." -> "The olive paste is subsequently transferred to a hydraulic press, where it is subjected to pressure and filtration."
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "then," and "subjected to pressure and filtration" is more precise and formal than "pressed and filtered."
"Following this, the oil undergoes a spinning and separating process in a centrifuge, which removes water and any remaining impurities." -> "Subsequently, the oil undergoes a centrifugal process, which eliminates water and residual impurities."
Explanation: "Centrifugal" is the correct term for the process, and "eliminates" is more formal than "removes." Also, "residual" is more precise than "remaining."
"Finally, the purified olive oil is bottled and transported to stores for distribution." -> "Ultimately, the purified olive oil is bottled and transported to retail outlets for distribution."
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal than "finally," and "retail outlets" is a more precise term than "stores."
"This step-by-step method ensures that the olive oil is of high quality and ready for consumer use." -> "This step-by-step process guarantees the high quality and readiness of the olive oil for consumer use."
Explanation: "Guarantees" is more assertive and formal than "ensures," and the rephrasing improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the process of making olive oil, outlining the eight stages involved. It adequately highlights the key features of each stage, such as the use of a rake to collect olives, the crushing and pressing of the olives, and the final bottling and transportation. However, the essay lacks some detail and could be more fully extended. For example, it could provide more specific information about the crushing and pressing stages, such as the types of equipment used or the specific methods employed. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more detailed comparison of the different stages, highlighting the key differences and similarities between them.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about each stage of the process, such as the types of equipment used or the specific methods employed. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more detailed comparison of the different stages, highlighting the key differences and similarities between them. For example, the essay could compare the crushing and pressing stages, highlighting the different methods used to extract the oil. It could also compare the spinning and separating stage to the filtering stage, highlighting the different ways in which impurities are removed from the oil.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression from the collection of olives to the final step of transporting the oil to stores. Each stage of the process is clearly outlined, and there is a central topic in each paragraph. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is some minor underuse of more varied cohesive devices, which could enhance the flow and connection between ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, varying the sentence structures and using more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the writing. More explicit comparisons between stages or highlighting the significance of each step could also strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, effectively describing the process of making olive oil. The use of terms like "collected," "washed," "crushed," "pressed," and "filtered" shows an understanding of the topic. However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks the sophistication or variety expected at higher band levels. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but these are limited and do not significantly enhance the overall lexical resource. Additionally, there are no notable errors in spelling or word formation that impede communication, but the essay does not exhibit the flexibility or precision that would elevate it to a higher band.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Using synonyms and varied expressions to describe the same actions or processes can enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, paying attention to collocations and ensuring precise word choices will contribute to a more fluent and flexible use of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer effectively communicates the stages of olive oil production with good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are minor errors present, such as the phrase "transporting to the store," which could be more clearly expressed as "transported to the store." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but indicate that there is room for improvement in grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that all phrases are clearly articulated. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures, particularly more complex ones, could further demonstrate flexibility and sophistication in grammar usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates how olive oil is made. Overall, there are eight distinct stages in this process, beginning with the collection of olives and ending with their transportation to the store.

In the first stage, olives are collected from trees using a rake and then stored in a vat for 2 to 3 days. After this period, the olives are washed and sent through a crusher, where they are broken down into smaller pieces, separating the olive stones from the paste. The olive paste is then transferred to a hydraulic press, where it is pressed and filtered. Following this, the oil undergoes a spinning and separating process in a centrifuge, which removes water and any remaining impurities. Finally, the purified olive oil is bottled and transported to stores for distribution. This step-by-step method ensures that the olive oil is of high quality and ready for consumer use.