The diagram below shows the proposed town
The diagram below shows the proposed town
This graphic illustrates how the layout of a new town will be constructed in the future.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that the town is feature divided into a central square and downtown surrounding lands. Housing areas are located around and in the central area along with public services, coupled with two distinct industrial zones located at different sites within the town.
The municipality is uniquely formed based on a circular central area and is surrounded by six housing areas and four recreational areas. At the heart of the central square, people can find important services, like two parking structures and two bus stops positioned at each corner. Roads leading to the center divide this area into four separate parts.
The outskirts is allocated for residential purposes with ten housing areas scattered around. There is one industrial zone that will lie in the north the northwest corner. Similarly, the southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"This graphic illustrates" -> "This diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Diagram" is more precise and academically appropriate than "graphic" when referring to a visual representation of a plan or layout. -
"the town is feature divided" -> "the town is divided into distinct features"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The suggested change corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, enhancing the formal tone. -
"downtown surrounding lands" -> "surrounding downtown areas"
Explanation: "Downtown" is typically used to describe the central business district of a city, not a feature of a town. Using "downtown areas" corrects this misuse and maintains the formal tone. -
"coupled with two distinct industrial zones" -> "accompanied by two distinct industrial zones"
Explanation: "Coupled with" can imply a connection that is too casual for academic writing. "Accompanied by" is more formal and suitable for describing the relationship between elements in a plan. -
"uniquely formed" -> "distinctly structured"
Explanation: "Uniquely formed" is vague and less precise. "Distinctly structured" is more specific and academically appropriate, emphasizing the town’s planned design. -
"roads leading to the center divide this area into four separate parts" -> "roads radiating from the center divide this area into four distinct sections"
Explanation: "Radiating from the center" is a more precise and visually accurate description of the roads’ relationship to the central square. -
"The outskirts is allocated" -> "The periphery is designated"
Explanation: "The outskirts" is a less formal term, and "periphery" is more precise and appropriate for describing the outer areas of a town plan. "Designated" is also more formal than "allocated." -
"the southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park" -> "the southeastern area is notable for being largely occupied by a substantial industrial park"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly phrased and uses informal language. The revision clarifies and formalizes the description, improving readability and academic tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the town. It focuses on details, such as the number of housing areas and recreational areas, but does not provide a clear and concise overview of the town’s layout.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the town’s layout. The writer could start by describing the overall shape of the town and then move on to describe the different zones within the town. The writer could also use more specific language to describe the features of the town, such as "circular central area" instead of "municipality is uniquely formed based on a circular central area". The writer should also avoid making assumptions about the town’s layout, such as "the southeastern part stands out as it is almost fully occupied by an expansive industrial park." The writer should only report factual information from the diagram.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organisation of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout, aligning with the Band 7 descriptor. It effectively introduces the layout of the new town, detailing its division into central and surrounding areas, housing, public services, and industrial zones. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, facilitating a coherent flow of ideas, although there is a slight tendency towards under-use, particularly in linking the various sections of the description more seamlessly.
Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, such as the overall layout, the central square, and the distribution of housing and industrial zones. This structure aids in the essay’s coherence and cohesion, ensuring that information is easy to follow. However, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the linkage between ideas and sections, moving it closer to a Band 8.
How to improve:
- To progress towards a higher band, consider varying the use of cohesive devices beyond simple connectors. Incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of information and the relationships between ideas.
- Improve the clarity of referencing within the essay. For instance, when mentioning "the outskirts" and "the central square," ensure that it’s clear how these areas relate to previously mentioned parts of the town.
- Work on the precision of language to avoid vague terms like "surrounding lands," which could be more explicitly described to aid the reader’s understanding.
- Introduce a concluding statement that summarises the town’s layout and its key features. This would not only reinforce the essay’s coherence but also ensure a strong, clear progression from introduction to conclusion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the proposed town layout. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "municipality," "recreational areas," and "expansive industrial park" with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer can focus on using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Paying attention to word choice and ensuring accuracy in spelling and word formation will help elevate the lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, incorporating more complex and nuanced vocabulary related to urban planning and development can further enhance the lexical richness of the response.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as using passive voice ("The municipality is uniquely formed") and complex sentence constructions ("At the heart of the central square, people can find important services, like two parking structures and two bus stops positioned at each corner"). The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as missing articles ("the town is feature divided") and awkward phrasing ("The outskirts is allocated for residential purposes").
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay attention to article usage and ensure that subject-verb agreement is consistent throughout the essay. Additionally, try to vary sentence structures even more to showcase full flexibility and accuracy in writing. Proofreading for minor errors will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The diagram illustrates the proposed layout of a new town in the future.
Overall, it is evident that the town is divided into a central square and surrounding downtown areas. Housing areas are situated around and within the central square, along with public services, as well as two distinct industrial zones located at different locations within the town.
The town is designed with a central circular area surrounded by six housing areas and four recreational zones. In the central square, essential services such as two parking structures and two bus stops are located at each corner. Roads leading to the center divide this area into four separate parts.
The outskirts are designated for residential purposes, with ten housing areas scattered throughout. An industrial zone is planned for the northwest corner, while the southeastern part is predominantly occupied by a large industrial park.
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