The diagram give information about changes in a student accommodation building.
The diagram give information about changes in a student accommodation building.
The maps illutrate the changes of a residential hall between 2010 and now.
Overall, the building has been significantly transformed. In addition, several new facilities has been provided to accommodate student.
In 2010, the area was lined with some rows of gardens in the north and south. On the bottom left-hand corner, there was a main entrance, leading to the hallway. Near the main entrance, a student-bedroom was located with a bathroom next to it. On the right-hand side, there was three adjacent rooms: two student-bedroom and a kitchen in the middle. A living room on the northern side, moreover, was situated to the left of the student-bedroom.
At present, the student apartment has different layout. The garden on the south has been replaced with a parking lot, while another garden on the top left-hand corner has been moved to facilitate the addition of a new bedroom. Inside the building, bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom have remained unchaged. Conversely, the living room has been converted into another bedroom with a newly constructed en-suute room on the south to the left of the bedroom.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
-
"illutrate" -> "illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is the correct spelling of the verb meaning to provide visual representation or explanation, whereas "illutrate" is misspelled. -
"has been" -> "have been"
Explanation: "Facilities" is a plural noun, so the verb should agree with it in number, making "have been" the appropriate choice instead of "has been." -
"some rows of gardens" -> "a few rows of gardens"
Explanation: "Some" is vague and doesn’t specify the quantity precisely. "A few" is more specific and suitable here. -
"a student-bedroom" -> "a student bedroom"
Explanation: Hyphenating "student-bedroom" is unnecessary; "student bedroom" is a more common and appropriate term. -
"unchaged" -> "unchanged"
Explanation: "Unchanged" is the correct spelling of the word meaning not altered or modified, whereas "unchaged" is a misspelling. -
"Conversely" -> "However"
Explanation: "Conversely" is used to indicate a contrast between two different ideas, but here, the change in the living room layout is not directly contrasting with anything mentioned earlier. "However" better introduces the contrasting information about the living room’s transformation. -
"en-suute" -> "ensuite"
Explanation: "Ensuite" is the correct spelling of the term describing a bathroom directly connected to a bedroom, whereas "en-suute" is misspelled.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, providing an overview of the changes in the student accommodation building from 2010 to the present. It outlines the transformation of the building layout and mentions the addition of new facilities. Key features, such as the layout changes and the addition of a parking lot and new bedroom, are highlighted, but the presentation lacks detail and coherence in some parts.
How to improve: To improve, provide more specific details about the changes, such as dimensions or specific facilities added. Ensure a clear and logical progression in describing the changes from 2010 to the present. Additionally, focus on maintaining coherence throughout the essay by connecting ideas more smoothly.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, as it describes the changes in the student accommodation building over time. However, there is a lack of overall progression in the essay structure, as the description of the changes could be better organized.
The use of cohesive devices is inadequate. While there are some attempts to link ideas together, such as using temporal markers like "In 2010" and "At present," these transitions are somewhat clumsy and do not consistently guide the reader through the changes. Additionally, there is overuse of repetitive language, such as "student-bedroom" and "garden," which hinders the clarity of the description.
Paragraphing is inadequate. The essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, making it difficult for the reader to distinguish between different aspects of the building’s transformation. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve:
- Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas. Start with an introduction summarizing the changes, followed by organized paragraphs describing each change in detail, and end with a conclusion.
- Use a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns to connect ideas smoothly.
- Avoid repetitive language by using synonyms or restructuring sentences to vary vocabulary.
- Use clear paragraphing to separate different aspects of the description, making the essay easier to follow.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, but it adequately describes the changes in the student accommodation building. Some errors in word choice and spelling are noticeable, such as "illutrate" instead of "illustrate," "unchaged" instead of "unchanged," "ensuute" instead of "en-suite," and "facilitate" instead of "facilitating." Additionally, there is a repetition of phrases like "student-bedroom," which could be varied for better lexical resource. However, the overall message is conveyed, despite these errors.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary, especially synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors. Proofreading and expanding your vocabulary through reading and practice can help enhance lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures, including simple and some complex sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as missing articles ("The maps illutrate"), subject-verb agreement issues ("has been provided"), and incorrect verb tense ("has been replaced"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors ("Conversely, the living room has been converted into another bedroom with a newly constructed en-suute room on the south to the left of the bedroom.") and awkward phrasing ("…with a newly constructed en-suite room on the south to the left of the bedroom."). While the essay attempts complex sentences, they are less accurate than simple sentences, leading to comprehension difficulties for the reader.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using correct verb tenses consistently, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and including necessary articles. Pay attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to enhance clarity. Review sentence structures and aim for smoother transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence. Additionally, proofreading for errors before submission can help in identifying and correcting mistakes.
Bài sửa mẫu
The diagrams illustrate the transformations undergone by a student accommodation building from 2010 to the present day.
Overall, the building has undergone significant alterations, including the addition of several new facilities to better cater to the needs of students.
In 2010, the area was characterized by rows of gardens in both the northern and southern sections. Positioned in the bottom left-hand corner was the main entrance, leading to a hallway. Adjacent to this entrance was a student bedroom, accompanied by a bathroom. On the right-hand side, there were three adjoining rooms: two student bedrooms with a kitchen situated between them. Additionally, a living room was situated to the left of the student bedroom on the northern side.
Currently, the layout of the student accommodation has been modified. The garden in the south has been replaced by a parking lot, while the garden in the top left-hand corner has been relocated to allow for the addition of a new bedroom. Inside the building, the arrangement of bedrooms, kitchen, and bathroom has remained unchanged. However, the living room has been repurposed into another bedroom, and a newly constructed en-suite room has been added to the south, adjacent to the newly converted bedroom.
Phản hồi