The diagram illustrates the process of making clothes from plastic bottles
The diagram illustrates the process of making clothes from plastic bottles
The picture provided demonstrates the intricate procedure involved in the production of clothes from plastic bottles.
Overall, it is apparent that the process entails 13 main stages, commencing with collecting plastic bottles from various sources and culminating in the clothes, catering to customers.
As depicted in the process, plastic bottles are collected from different sources before being transported to factories via lorry for further processing. Subsequently, they undergo a meticulous sorting stage, followed by the cutting stage, transforming them into small pieces. After that, they are subjected to a thorough washing step to eliminate dirt, paving the way for the subsequent drying phase under the sun.
Shifting the focus to the remaining steps, the phase of boiling is carried out using a specialized machine, after which they are treated with the straining stage. Moving forward, they are spun into yarn, and then being woven throughout another machine to create rolls with numerous colors. Finally, these rolls are utilized to manufacture clothes, meeting human demands.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The picture provided demonstrates" -> "The illustration depicts"
Explanation: "Illustration" is a more precise term than "picture" in an academic context, and "depicts" is more formal than "demonstrates" when describing visual representations. -
"intricate procedure" -> "complex process"
Explanation: "Complex process" is a more commonly used term in academic writing to describe a detailed and involved series of steps, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"commencing with collecting" -> "beginning with the collection"
Explanation: "Beginning with the collection" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the initial stage of the process. -
"culminating in the clothes, catering to customers" -> "resulting in the production of garments for consumer use"
Explanation: "Resulting in the production of garments for consumer use" is more specific and formal, avoiding the casual tone of "clothes" and "catering to customers." -
"As depicted in the process" -> "As shown in the illustration"
Explanation: "As shown in the illustration" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing, compared to "As depicted in the process." -
"lorry" -> "trucks"
Explanation: "Trucks" is more commonly used in formal English than "lorry," which is more regional and less formal. -
"meticulous sorting stage" -> "careful sorting stage"
Explanation: "Careful" is a more neutral and formal adjective than "meticulous," which can imply a level of precision that may not be universally applicable. -
"cutting stage" -> "cutting process"
Explanation: "Process" is more appropriate in formal writing than "stage" when referring to a series of actions. -
"transforming them into small pieces" -> "reducing them to smaller fragments"
Explanation: "Reducing them to smaller fragments" is more precise and formal, avoiding the casual tone of "small pieces." -
"thorough washing step" -> "rigorous cleaning process"
Explanation: "Rigorous cleaning process" is more specific and formal than "thorough washing step," aligning better with academic standards. -
"paving the way for" -> "enabling"
Explanation: "Enabling" is a more direct and formal term than "paving the way for," which can sound slightly metaphorical and less precise. -
"boiling is carried out using a specialized machine" -> "boiling is performed using a specialized apparatus"
Explanation: "Performed" and "apparatus" are more formal and precise than "carried out" and "machine," respectively. -
"treated with the straining stage" -> "subjected to the straining process"
Explanation: "Subjected to the straining process" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the action of undergoing the process. -
"spun into yarn" -> "converted into yarn"
Explanation: "Converted" is a more formal term than "spun," which can be considered too casual for academic writing. -
"being woven throughout another machine" -> "being woven on another machine"
Explanation: "On" is more precise and formal than "throughout" in this context, indicating the location of the weaving action. -
"rolls with numerous colors" -> "rolls featuring multiple colors"
Explanation: "Featuring multiple colors" is more formal and precise than "with numerous colors," which is somewhat vague. -
"utilized to manufacture clothes" -> "used to produce garments"
Explanation: "Used to produce garments" is more formal and specific than "utilized to manufacture clothes," aligning better with academic style.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of making clothes from plastic bottles. It presents information appropriately selected, highlighting key features/bullet points. However, some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay mentions "numerous colors" in the rolling stage, which is not depicted in the diagram.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the information presented in the diagram and avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also ensure that all details are accurate and consistent with the diagram.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the collection of plastic bottles to the final production of clothes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some stages could be grouped more effectively for clarity. Overall, the essay meets the basic requirements of coherence and cohesion but lacks the sophistication and seamlessness of higher band scores.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could work on the logical grouping of related stages into more clearly defined paragraphs. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth would help to create a more fluid reading experience. Finally, incorporating clearer referencing to avoid repetition and improve clarity would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the process of making clothes from plastic bottles. It employs some less common lexical items, such as "meticulous," "culminating," and "paving the way," which show an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing, such as "being woven throughout another machine," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, minor errors in word formation and sentence structure are present but do not impede overall communication.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, paying closer attention to collocation and refining sentence structures can help reduce errors and improve clarity. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and practicing its application in context will also contribute to a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The use of linking words and phrases helps to maintain coherence throughout the essay. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies that prevent it from reaching a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on reducing the few errors present, particularly in sentence structure and verb forms. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence types and ensuring that all complex sentences are accurate would help to improve the overall score. Practicing with more complex grammatical structures and reviewing common grammatical pitfalls could also be beneficial.
Bài sửa mẫu
The picture provided demonstrates the intricate procedure involved in the production of clothes from plastic bottles. Overall, it is apparent that the process entails 13 main stages, commencing with the collection of plastic bottles from various sources and culminating in the finished clothes, ready for customers.
As depicted in the process, plastic bottles are collected from different sources before being transported to factories via lorry for further processing. Subsequently, they undergo a meticulous sorting stage, followed by a cutting stage, which transforms them into small pieces. After that, they are subjected to a thorough washing step to eliminate dirt, paving the way for the subsequent drying phase under the sun.
Shifting the focus to the remaining steps, the boiling phase is carried out using a specialized machine, after which the bottles are treated in the straining stage. Moving forward, they are spun into yarn and then woven in another machine to create rolls in numerous colors. Finally, these rolls are utilized to manufacture clothes, meeting human demands.
Phản hồi