the diagram shows how leather goods are manufatured
the diagram shows how leather goods are manufatured
The blow diagram illustrate the production of leather goods
Overall, this is a liner process with 11 steps, starting from drying animal skin and ending with shaping polished skins at factory and sale the finished products
The process beginning with drying these collected leathers from many animals in the natural environment.After that, these leathers are taken to factories and washing it in water and lime, then soaking it in lime before flattening it by the machines.
At the next stage, these animal skins soaked in tannin, the solution mixed between water and vegetable matter in certain time. Finally, they polished it carefully before delivered to another factory to sold it to the people.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The blow diagram illustrate" -> "The below diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Blow" is a typographical error; the correct term is "below." Additionally, "illustrate" should be "illustrates" to agree with the singular subject "diagram." -
"this is a liner process" -> "this is a linear process"
Explanation: "Liner" is incorrect in this context; "linear" refers to a sequential process, which is appropriate for describing the steps involved. -
"starting from drying animal skin and ending with shaping polished skins at factory and sale the finished products" -> "starting with the drying of animal skins and concluding with the shaping of polished skins at the factory and the sale of the finished products"
Explanation: "Starting from" is less formal than "starting with," and "drying animal skin" should be "the drying of animal skins" for clarity and grammatical correctness. "Ending with" is improved to "concluding with" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "at factory" should be "at the factory," and "sale the finished products" should be "the sale of the finished products" for grammatical accuracy. -
"The process beginning with drying these collected leathers from many animals in the natural environment." -> "The process begins with the drying of collected leather from various animals in their natural environment."
Explanation: "Beginning" should be changed to "begins" for grammatical consistency. "These collected leathers" is awkward; "collected leather" is more concise. "Many animals" is vague; "various animals" is more precise. "In the natural environment" is retained for clarity. -
"After that, these leathers are taken to factories and washing it in water and lime, then soaking it in lime before flattening it by the machines." -> "Subsequently, the leather is taken to factories, where it is washed in water and lime, followed by soaking in lime before being flattened by machines."
Explanation: "After that" is less formal than "subsequently." "These leathers" should be "the leather" for consistency. "Washing it" should be "washed" to maintain passive voice. "Then soaking it in lime" shouldbe "followed by soaking in lime" for clarity and flow. "Flattening it by the machines" should be "flattened by machines" for conciseness. -
"At the next stage, these animal skins soaked in tannin, the solution mixed between water and vegetable matter in certain time." -> "At the next stage, the animal skins are soaked in tannin, a solution composed of water and vegetable matter for a specific duration."
Explanation: "These animal skins" should be "the animal skins" for consistency. "Soaked" needs "are" for grammatical completeness. "The solution mixed between" should be "a solution composed of" for clarity and precision. "In certain time" is vague; "for a specific duration" is more precise. -
"Finally, they polished it carefully before delivered to another factory to sold it to the people." -> "Finally, the leather is polished carefully before being delivered to another factory for sale to consumers."
Explanation: "They polished it" should be "the leather is polished" for clarity. "Before delivered" should be "before being delivered" for grammatical correctness. "To sold it to the people" should be "for sale to consumers" for proper verb form and a more formal tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and it does not adequately highlight the key features of the process. The essay also contains some inaccuracies, such as stating that the leather is "sold to the people" at the end of the process.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features of each stage, and using more accurate language. The essay could also be improved by using more specific details about the process, such as the types of animals used to produce the leather, the specific chemicals used in the tanning process, and the different types of leather goods that are produced.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the manufacturing process of leather goods, but it lacks overall progression and clear organization. While there is an attempt to outline the steps involved, the sequence is somewhat unclear, and the transitions between ideas are not smooth. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to some repetition and confusion. Paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay appears as a single block of text without clear separation of ideas.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific stage of the process. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will improve the overall clarity and progression of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of leather goods manufacturing, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and sentence structure. For example, phrases like "the blow diagram" and "shaping polished skins at factory" indicate a lack of precision and control. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "manufatured" and "delivered to another factory to sold it to the people," which may cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Improving accuracy in word choice and collocation is essential, as is avoiding basic errors in spelling and grammar. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and ensuring that vocabulary is used appropriately within context will also contribute to a higher score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("illustrate" should be "illustrates," "beginning" should be "begins," "washing it" should be "washing them"), and issues with punctuation, detract from overall clarity. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process described.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Sentence Variety: Incorporate a greater variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that effectively convey relationships between ideas.
- Verb Tense Consistency: Ensure that verb tenses are used correctly and consistently throughout the essay.
- Pronoun Agreement: Use pronouns correctly to maintain clarity (e.g., "washing it" should be "washing them").
- Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve the overall readability of the essay.
- Proofreading: Review the essay for minor errors and make corrections to avoid slips that can affect the overall impression of grammatical accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The diagram illustrates the production process of leather goods. Overall, this is a linear process consisting of 11 steps, starting from drying animal skins and ending with shaping polished skins at the factory and selling the finished products.
The process begins with drying the collected leathers from various animals in the natural environment. After that, these leathers are taken to factories, where they are washed in water and lime, followed by soaking in lime before being flattened by machines.
In the next stage, the animal skins are soaked in tannin, a solution made from water and vegetable matter, for a specific period. Finally, they are polished carefully before being delivered to another factory to be sold to the public.
Phản hồi