The diagram shows how to make jam from the fruit.

The provided series of pictures demonstrate the linear process of producing jam from the fruit.

Overall, the process encompasses seven steps, commencing with the preparation of strawberry and ending with distributing for domestic consumption. Notably, almost all steps are carried out manually, with the support of traditional tools.

The process begins with washing 4 kilometers to remove unwanted substances, before being crushed by using a masher. Having undergone this step, the mixture then is placed in a pot combined with a quarter of cup sugar for a while ranging from 5 to 10 minutes, after which it is boiled at high temperature for 10 minutes to be ready for the next step.

Upon being fully heated, it is filled into glass jars before being added to 4 cups of sugar. Once the resulting mixture in jars is cooled down after one hour, it then is packaged by lids. Finally, jam is distributed for household consumption.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided series of pictures" -> "The accompanying photographs"
Explanation: "Accompanying" is more precise and formal than "provided," which can be vague and less specific in this context. "Photographs" is also more formal than "pictures."
"commencing with the preparation of strawberry" -> "initiating with the preparation of strawberries"
Explanation: "Initiating" is more formal than "commencing," and "strawberries" should be plural to match the context of multiple steps in the process.
"Notably, almost all steps are carried out manually" -> "Notably, all steps are performed manually"
Explanation: "Performed" is more formal than "carried out," and removing "almost" makes the statement more definitive and precise.
"with the support of traditional tools" -> "utilizing traditional tools"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal and precise than "with the support of," which is somewhat redundant.
"washing 4 kilometers to remove unwanted substances" -> "washing to remove unwanted substances"
Explanation: "4 kilometers" is likely a measurement error or unclear; "to remove unwanted substances" is more precise and contextually appropriate.
"by using a masher" -> "using a masher"
Explanation: Removing "by" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, aligning better with academic style.
"Having undergone this step, the mixture then is placed" -> "Following this step, the mixture is placed"
Explanation: "Following" is more formal and precise than "Having undergone," and removing "then" simplifies the sentence structure.
"a quarter of cup sugar" -> "a quarter cup of sugar"
Explanation: "A quarter of cup" is grammatically incorrect; "a quarter cup of" is the correct phrase.
"for a while ranging from 5 to 10 minutes" -> "for a duration of 5 to 10 minutes"
Explanation: "For a duration of" is more formal and precise than "for a while," which is vague.
"it is boiled at high temperature" -> "it is boiled at high temperatures"
Explanation: "Temperatures" should be plural to match the context of multiple boiling processes.
"it is filled into glass jars" -> "it is filled into glass jars"
Explanation: No change needed, but this could be improved to "it is filled into jars of glass" for a more formal structure.
"Once the resulting mixture in jars is cooled down" -> "Once the mixture in jars has cooled"
Explanation: "Has cooled" is more concise and formal than "is cooled down," which is less precise.
"it then is packaged by lids" -> "it is then packaged with lids"
Explanation: "With lids" is grammatically correct and more specific than "by lids," which is incorrect.
"Finally, jam is distributed for household consumption" -> "Finally, the jam is distributed for household consumption"
Explanation: Adding "the" clarifies that "jam" refers to the specific product being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the process of making jam from fruit. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the steps involved in the process and the time required for each step. However, some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the strawberries are washed for 4 kilometers, which is not a relevant detail. The essay also states that the jam is distributed for household consumption, which is not a key feature of the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the process and avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the steps involved in the process. For example, instead of saying "the mixture then is placed in a pot combined with a quarter of cup sugar for a while ranging from 5 to 10 minutes," the essay could say "the mixture is then placed in a pot and simmered with a quarter cup of sugar for 5 to 10 minutes."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the process of making jam, but it lacks clear overall progression and organization. While it attempts to describe the steps involved, the sequence of ideas is sometimes unclear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with instances of repetition and awkward phrasing. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay is presented as a single block of text rather than distinct sections that enhance clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should be organized into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific part of the process. Utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, would help clarify relationships between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring that each step logically follows the previous one and is clearly referenced would improve overall progression and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task of describing a process. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "encompasses," "crushed," and "packaged," which show an attempt to vary language. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing, such as "washing 4 kilometers" instead of "washing the fruit," and awkward constructions like "the mixture then is placed." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and phrasing that could cause confusion, such as "before being added to 4 cups of sugar," which implies the sugar is added to the jars rather than to the mixture. Overall, while the vocabulary used is adequate, it lacks the precision and fluency required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring clarity in their descriptions. Avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that word choices accurately reflect the intended meaning will also help. Incorporating a wider range of less common vocabulary with correct collocations and reducing errors in word formation will further improve the score. Additionally, practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is a characteristic of Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "washing 4 kilometers" and "filled into glass jars before being added to 4 cups of sugar." These issues indicate that while the communication is generally clear, it is not always precise or error-free.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be done by proofreading for clarity and correctness, ensuring that each step in the process is described accurately and logically. Additionally, varying sentence structure more effectively and using appropriate connectors could enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided series of pictures demonstrates the linear process of producing jam from fruit.

Overall, the process encompasses seven steps, commencing with the preparation of strawberries and ending with distribution for domestic consumption. Notably, almost all steps are carried out manually, with the support of traditional tools.

The process begins with washing the fruit to remove unwanted substances, followed by crushing it using a masher. After this step, the mixture is placed in a pot and combined with a quarter cup of sugar for a duration ranging from 5 to 10 minutes, after which it is boiled at high temperature for 10 minutes to prepare it for the next step.

Once fully heated, the mixture is filled into glass jars before an additional 4 cups of sugar are added. After the resulting mixture in the jars cools down for one hour, it is then sealed with lids. Finally, the jam is distributed for household consumption.