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the diagram

the diagram

The diagram describe how electricity is made from coal

Overall, it can be clearly seen that there are seven steps in the process, starting with the extraction of coal from mine and ending with the supply of electricity to either domestic customers or industries.

The first stage is when ingredient is extracted from coal mine, it is then crushed by machine into small species. The step after this, the coal is delivered by trucks or lorry to the installation called gasifier where gas is produce and solid set aside as waste.

To ready to be sent on to the next stage in the process, workers cooled the gas in separate installation. The last processing coal had finished in gas power plant, once electricity production is completed and some heat is generated disposed of as waste. The electricity supplied to factories and residential houses. Thus, it is easy to reply to individuals’s requires.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the diagram describe" -> "the diagram describes"
    Explanation: The subject "diagram" is singular, so it requires the singular verb "describes" for grammatical agreement.

  2. "from mine" -> "from the mine"
    Explanation: Adding "the" specifies which mine is being referred to, improving clarity.

  3. "ingredient" -> "coal"
    Explanation: "Ingredient" is vague and does not accurately represent what is being extracted. "Coal" is precise and contextually appropriate.

  4. "by machine into small species" -> "by a machine into small particles"
    Explanation: "Species" is incorrect in this context; "particles" accurately describes the small pieces of coal resulting from the crushing process.

  5. "The step after this, the coal is delivered" -> "In the subsequent step, the coal is delivered"
    Explanation: "In the subsequent step" is more formal and precise than "The step after this," enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "installation called gasifier" -> "installation known as a gasifier"
    Explanation: "Known as" is more formal than "called," and adding "a" improves grammatical structure.

  7. "where gas is produce and solid set aside as waste" -> "where gas is produced and solid waste is set aside"
    Explanation: "Produce" should be "produced" for correct verb form, and reordering the phrase clarifies that the solid is waste.

  8. "To ready to be sent on to the next stage in the process" -> "To prepare for the next stage in the process"
    Explanation: "To prepare" is more formal and precise than "To ready," improving clarity and academic tone.

  9. "workers cooled the gas in separate installation" -> "workers cool the gas in a separate installation"
    Explanation: Changing "cooled" to "cool" maintains present tense consistency throughout the essay, and adding "a" improves grammatical structure.

  10. "The last processing coal had finished in gas power plant" -> "The final processing of coal is completed in the gas power plant"
    Explanation: "Final" is more precise than "last," and rephrasing improves clarity and grammatical accuracy.

  11. "once electricity production is completed and some heat is generated disposed of as waste" -> "once electricity production is completed, any excess heat generated is disposed of as waste"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the relationship between the actions and improves grammatical structure.

  12. "The electricity supplied to factories and residential houses" -> "The electricity is supplied to factories and residential buildings"
    Explanation: Adding "is" improves grammatical structure, and "residential buildings" is more formal than "residential houses."

  13. "Thus, it is easy to reply to individuals’s requires" -> "Thus, it is straightforward to meet individuals’ requirements"
    Explanation: "Straightforward" is more formal than "easy," and "meet individuals’ requirements" is more precise than "reply to individuals’s requires," which is also grammatically incorrect.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the process and the information is not presented in a logical order. The essay also includes some irrelevant information, such as the statement that "it is easy to reply to individuals’s requires."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clearer overview of the process, using a more logical order, and avoiding irrelevant information. The essay should also be more concise and focus on the key features of the process. The writer should also pay attention to grammar and spelling errors.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to outline the steps in the electricity generation process, the sequence of ideas is not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which hampers the flow of information. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay does not effectively separate distinct ideas or stages of the process into coherent paragraphs.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs, each representing a specific stage of the process. Using a variety of cohesive devices appropriately will help connect ideas more logically. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression of ideas is logical will improve the overall clarity of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will further strengthen the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of electricity generation from coal, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "ingredient" instead of "coal," and "species" instead of "pieces." Additionally, phrases like "gas is produce" and "electricity production is completed" contain grammatical inaccuracies that hinder clarity. Spelling errors, such as "installation" and "requires," also detract from the overall quality. These issues suggest a lack of control over lexical features, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation can improve clarity. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help in conveying the message more effectively. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can also aid in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate, leading to confusion. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("ingredient is extracted" should be "ingredients are extracted"), and issues with punctuation detract from the overall clarity. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process described.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by incorporating more complex sentence structures accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve punctuation would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence forms and ensuring that subject-verb agreement is maintained will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram describes how electricity is generated from coal.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that there are seven steps in the process, starting with the extraction of coal from the mine and ending with the supply of electricity to either domestic customers or industries.

The first stage involves the extraction of coal from the mine, which is then crushed by a machine into small pieces. Following this, the coal is delivered by trucks or lorries to an installation called a gasifier, where gas is produced and solid waste is set aside.

To prepare for the next stage in the process, workers cool the gas in a separate installation. Once the processing of coal is completed in the gas power plant, electricity production occurs, and some heat generated is disposed of as waste. The electricity is then supplied to factories and residential houses, thus making it easy to meet individuals’ requirements.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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