The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001.

The maps illustrate some proposed changes to the central of the Felixstone in the UK from 1967 to 2000.
Overall, the town will be totally transformed in a number of different ways. Additionally, significant changes are planned for Felixstone including the disappearance of the marina and pier.
Looking at the map of Felixstone in 1967, High Street was halfway between two lines of shops. The first line of shops to the north-east of the High street were converted into apartments in 2001. Nearby, the farmland was destroyed and replaced by a sector including a swimming pool, hotel, and tennis courts. The remaining shops being parallel to the first shops and in close proximity to the golf course remained unchanged.
In 1967, there was a fish market, marina, and pier to the south-west of the coffee shop. However, they were demolished to make way for a private beach and a public beach, respectively. The hotel was relocated to the northeast of the car park, which was opened in 2001. The dunes and trees were to the south of the car park and remained stable, but some wind turbines to the south of them were added.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps illustrate some proposed changes" -> "The maps depict proposed alterations"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in this context, and "alterations" is a more specific term than "changes," which enhances the academic tone.
"central of the Felixstone" -> "core of Felixstone"
Explanation: "Core" is a more precise term than "central" when referring to the central area of a town, and it is more commonly used in formal and academic writing.
"will be totally transformed" -> "will undergo significant transformation"
Explanation: "Undergo significant transformation" is a more formal and precise way to describe the extent of change, avoiding the colloquial tone of "totally."
"significant changes are planned for Felixstone" -> "substantial alterations are planned for Felixstone"
Explanation: "Substantial alterations" is more specific and formal than "significant changes," fitting better in an academic context.
"disappearance of the marina and pier" -> "demolition of the marina and pier"
Explanation: "Demolition" is a more specific term than "disappearance," which is vague and less precise.
"High Street was halfway between two lines of shops" -> "High Street was situated midway between two rows of shops"
Explanation: "Situated midway" is more precise and formal than "was halfway," and "rows" is more specific than "lines" in this context.
"converted into apartments" -> "converted to residential use"
Explanation: "Converted to residential use" is a more formal and precise phrase than "converted into apartments," which can be too specific and informal.
"destroyed and replaced by a sector" -> "demolished and replaced by a development"
Explanation: "Demolished" is more precise than "destroyed," and "development" is a broader term that encompasses the various features mentioned, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"swimming pool, hotel, and tennis courts" -> "swimming facility, hotel, and tennis complex"
Explanation: "Swimming facility" and "tennis complex" are more formal and specific terms than "swimming pool" and "tennis courts."
"remained unchanged" -> "remained unaltered"
Explanation: "Remained unaltered" is a more formal expression than "remained unchanged," aligning better with academic style.
"to the south-west of the coffee shop" -> "southwest of the coffee shop"
Explanation: "Southwest" is a single word, which is more appropriate in formal writing, avoiding the hyphenation of "south-west."
"demolished to make way for" -> "demolished to accommodate"
Explanation: "To accommodate" is a more formal and precise term than "to make way for," which can be somewhat colloquial.
"opened in 2001" -> "opened in the year 2001"
Explanation: Adding "the year" before the date provides clarity and formality, enhancing the academic tone.
"some wind turbines to the south of them were added" -> "additional wind turbines were installed south of these"
Explanation: "Additional wind turbines were installed" is more formal and precise than "some wind turbines to the south of them were added," and avoids the vague "these."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in Felixstone between 1967 and 2001. It identifies the key features of the changes, such as the conversion of shops into apartments, the demolition of the marina and pier, and the addition of a swimming pool, hotel, and tennis courts. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the hotel was relocated to the northeast of the car park, but the hotel is actually located to the south of the car park.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes, such as the size of the new developments, the number of apartments built, and the type of tennis courts. The essay could also be improved by providing a more accurate description of the changes, such as the location of the hotel.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the description of the 1967 map to the changes made by 2001. There is a logical flow in the description of the transformations, and the central topics within each paragraph are identifiable. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like "the remaining shops being parallel to the first shops" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, focus on enhancing the variety and appropriateness of cohesive devices. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically builds on the previous one. Additionally, consider restructuring some sentences for clarity and fluidity. More effective use of referencing and substitution could also improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, allowing for clear communication of the proposed changes in Felixstone. However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "the central of the Felixstone" instead of "the center of Felixstone." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "High street" which should be "High Street." While these errors do not severely impede understanding, they indicate a need for improvement in lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help achieve greater flexibility and precision. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors would contribute positively to the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the central of the Felixstone" (should be "the center of Felixstone") and "the remaining shops being parallel" (should be "the remaining shops, which were parallel"). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical rules and seeking feedback on writing can help identify and rectify errors before submission. Expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate some proposed changes to the center of Felixstone in the UK from 1967 to 2001. Overall, the town will be completely transformed in several different ways. Additionally, significant changes are planned for Felixstone, including the removal of the marina and pier.

Looking at the map of Felixstone in 1967, High Street was situated halfway between two lines of shops. The first line of shops to the northeast of High Street was converted into apartments by 2001. Nearby, the farmland was replaced by a sector that included a swimming pool, hotel, and tennis courts. The remaining shops, which were parallel to the first line and in close proximity to the golf course, remained unchanged.

In 1967, there was a fish market, marina, and pier located to the southwest of the coffee shop. However, these were demolished to make way for a private beach and a public beach, respectively. The hotel was relocated to the northeast of the car park, which opened in 2001. The dunes and trees to the south of the car park remained stable, but some wind turbines were added to the south of them.