The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graphics portray the layout of Felixstone in 1967 and how it was modified over a 34-year period of time. Overall, this area witnessed a significant redevelopment, the most noticeable of which are the removal of farmland to introduce an entertainment and accommodation complex and the addition of a car park and some wind turbines.
As can be seen from the maps, there was a long path in the middle of the whole area separating it into two parts, which included the above with farmland and the opposite. On the above side, when we start from the right side of the area and go along the path, the first that we come across is farmland which was then demolished to construct a new complex consisting of a swimming pool, a hotel and two tennis courts. Next to this zone was a complete shopping complex with two big shops going along the high street before the right side shop of the high street was removed to build apartments.
On the below side, opposite the farmland, what once was a coastal zone including fish market, marina and pier was cleared to make room for private beach. Another striking change was the removal of the car park to expand accommodation space by introducing some new hotel buildings. Moreover, many wind turbines were installed along the seabed which is in the northeastern corner of whole area. Additionally, more trees were planted and there were two facilities that had no change during the mentioned period which are golf course and cafe.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
- “Portray” -> “Depict”
Explanation: “Portray” is commonly used, but “depict” offers a more formal and precise term for describing the representation of graphics or visuals.
- “Witnessed” -> “Experienced”
Explanation: While “witnessed” is acceptable, “experienced” adds a touch of sophistication and depth to the description of the area’s changes.
- “Farmland” -> “Agricultural land”
Explanation: “Farmland” is accurate, but using “agricultural land” elevates the vocabulary, providing a more encompassing term for cultivated areas.
- “Construct” -> “Erect”
Explanation: “Construct” is standard, but “erect” adds a more nuanced and sophisticated tone, especially when describing the creation of new buildings or structures.
- “Zone” -> “Area”
Explanation: “Zone” is acceptable, but “area” is a more versatile and formal term, especially in describing spaces within a geographical context.
- “Removed” -> “Demolished”
Explanation: “Removed” is generic, while “demolished” carries a stronger connotation of complete destruction, offering a more vivid picture of the changes made to the farmland.
- “Striking” -> “Noteworthy”
Explanation: “Striking” is adequate, but “noteworthy” adds a touch of refinement and emphasizes the significance of the change in the coastal zone.
- “Install” -> “Deploy”
Explanation: While “install” is commonly used, “deploy” offers a more sophisticated term, especially when referring to the placement of complex equipment like wind turbines.
- “Seabed” -> “Coastal seabed”
Explanation: Adding “coastal” provides a more specific location context, enhancing the precision of the description of where the turbines were placed.
- “Facilities” -> “Features”
Explanation: While “facilities” is suitable, “features” provides a more vivid and descriptive term when referring to the unaltered entities like the golf course and cafe.
By implementing these vocabulary improvements, the essay gains a more refined and detailed description of the changes in Felixstone’s layout over time.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay adequately addresses the task by outlining the major changes in Felixstone from 1967 to 2001. It covers most key features, such as the redevelopment of farmland into an entertainment complex, alterations in the coastal zone, changes in accommodation, and the introduction of wind turbines. The essay provides a reasonably clear overview of the main alterations that occurred during the period.
How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score:
- Detail Expansion: Expand on each change with more specific data or details to further illustrate the modifications.
- Structural Clarity: Organize the essay into clearer sections or paragraphs, grouping related changes together for improved coherence.
- Accuracy and Relevance: Ensure all details are accurate and directly relevant to the task, avoiding vague or unnecessary information.
By offering more specific data and organizing the content in a clearer, more structured manner, the essay can better fulfill the criteria for a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by summarizing the key changes in Felixstone over the specified period. The body paragraphs logically follow a spatial sequence, detailing transformations on both the above and below sides of the area. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as the redevelopment of farmland, the introduction of entertainment and accommodation complexes, and the removal of a car park. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like “as can be seen,” to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Additionally, there is a consistent use of referencing and substitution, aiding clarity.
The essay appropriately employs paragraphing, presenting a clear central topic within each paragraph. The structure contributes to the overall coherence by guiding the reader through the changes in an organized manner. The writer manages cohesion well, and the use of cohesive devices enhances the overall flow of the essay.
How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider paying attention to sentence-level cohesion. While the overall essay structure is sound, ensure that cohesion within and between sentences remains strong. This can be achieved by carefully selecting and placing cohesive devices to strengthen the logical relationship between ideas. Additionally, aim for a more varied use of cohesive devices to add nuance and sophistication to the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the changes in Felixstone. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as “redevelopment,” “demolished,” and “seabed,” contributing to a relatively varied vocabulary. The writer shows awareness of style and collocation, and the overall coherence of the essay aids in conveying the main features of the diagrams. Some minor errors in word choice and spelling are present but do not significantly impede communication. For instance, “Felixstone” is consistently misspelled as “Felixstone.”
How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on accurate spelling, particularly for key terms like “Felixstone.” Additionally, strive for greater precision in vocabulary and explore more sophisticated lexical features. Avoid repetition, and consider incorporating more specific terms related to urban development and environmental changes. Proofreading for minor errors can further elevate the quality of lexical expression in the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of complex sentences. There is generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, though a few errors are present. The essay effectively communicates the main features of the changes in Felixstone between 1967 and 2001, employing a range of sentence structures to convey the information clearly. However, there are occasional errors that slightly affect the overall accuracy.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to minor errors in sentence structure, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with precision. A thorough review of punctuation use would also be beneficial. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more consistent use of verb tenses for improved clarity and precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided visuals illustrate the transformation of Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001. Over this 34-year period, the area underwent significant redevelopment, marked notably by the conversion of farmland into an entertainment and accommodation complex. The introduction of a car park and wind turbines also emerged as prominent changes.
The entirety of Felixstone was bisected by a lengthy path, creating distinct sections. On the upper side, originating from the right, the initial landscape featured farmland, subsequently replaced by a modern complex comprising a swimming pool, a hotel, and two tennis courts. Adjacent to this, a comprehensive shopping complex lined the high street, with the right-side shop later replaced by residential apartments.
On the lower side, opposite the former farmland, the coastal zone, initially hosting a fish market, marina, and pier, underwent a transformation into a private beach. Notably, the car park was eliminated to accommodate new hotel structures. The northeastern seabed saw the installation of multiple wind turbines. The addition of trees enhanced the overall greenery. Two constants throughout this period were the golf course and the cafe, which remained unchanged.
This revised report maintains the original data points while refining the language for clarity and coherence.