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The diagrams below show the development of a particular area between 1965 and the present day

The diagrams below show the development of a particular area between 1965 and the present day

The maps given illustrate the transformation of a specific place from 1965 to the present.

From an overall perspective, it is apparent that the area has become more developed, with many trees being cut down to accommodate more housing and facilities for local inhanitants.

In 1965, a few houses were located in the northeastern part of Ashford. After 60 years, many more apartment buildings and houses have been constructed in the northwest, and to the south of the river. A new car park has also been added in the heart of this housing area, together with a new large yatch marina and another car park to the south of the river.

To the northwest of the river, there used to be much greenery in 1965. However, these trees have been completely removed to make way for a new car park. The ferry service that once spanned the river has been replaced by two bridges: a road bridge and a footbridge, enhancing accessibility between the two banks.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the maps given illustrate" -> "the provided maps illustrate"
    Explanation: "Given" is somewhat informal and vague. "Provided" is more precise and maintains an academic tone.

  2. "the area has become more developed" -> "the area has undergone significant development"
    Explanation: "Underwent" conveys a more formal and precise sense of change, while "significant" emphasizes the extent of development without being vague.

  3. "with many trees being cut down" -> "with numerous trees having been removed"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal alternative to "many," and "having been removed" provides a clearer passive construction that fits academic writing.

  4. "to accommodate more housing and facilities for local inhanitants" -> "to accommodate additional housing and amenities for local inhabitants"
    Explanation: "Additional" is more formal than "more," and "amenities" is a more precise term than "facilities." Additionally, "inhabitants" is corrected from "inhanitants."

  5. "After 60 years, many more apartment buildings and houses have been constructed" -> "After six decades, numerous apartment buildings and houses have been constructed"
    Explanation: "Six decades" is a more formal expression than "60 years," and "numerous" is a more academic choice than "many more."

  6. "a new car park has also been added in the heart of this housing area" -> "a new parking facility has also been established in the center of this residential area"
    Explanation: "Parking facility" is a more formal term than "car park," and "established" conveys a sense of permanence. "Center" and "residential area" are more precise than "heart" and "housing area."

  7. "together with a new large yatch marina" -> "alongside a new large yacht marina"
    Explanation: "Alongside" is a more formal and precise preposition than "together with," and "yacht" is corrected from "yatch."

  8. "to the northwest of the river, there used to be much greenery in 1965" -> "to the northwest of the river, significant greenery existed in 1965"
    Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise term than "much," and "existed" is more direct than "there used to be."

  9. "However, these trees have been completely removed" -> "However, these trees have been entirely removed"
    Explanation: "Entirely" is a more formal synonym for "completely," enhancing the academic tone.

  10. "The ferry service that once spanned the river has been replaced by two bridges" -> "The ferry service that previously traversed the river has been replaced by two bridges"
    Explanation: "Previously" is a more formal alternative to "once," and "traversed" is a more precise verb than "spanned."

  11. "enhancing accessibility between the two banks" -> "improving accessibility between the two riverbanks"
    Explanation: "Improving" is a more precise term than "enhancing," and "riverbanks" provides a clearer geographical reference.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes in the area between 1965 and the present day. It highlights the key features of the development, such as the increase in housing and the construction of new infrastructure. The essay also provides some details about the changes, such as the removal of trees and the replacement of the ferry with bridges. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific information about the changes, such as the number of houses built or the size of the car park.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific information about the changes. For example, the writer could state the number of houses built or the size of the car park. The writer could also provide more details about the changes, such as the type of houses built or the purpose of the car park.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the description of the area in 1965 to its current state. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are moments where the cohesion feels mechanical or somewhat forced, particularly in the transitions between sentences. While the essay does present a clear central topic in each paragraph, the referencing could be clearer, especially regarding the specific locations mentioned. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logically structured, which slightly detracts from the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Improving the clarity of referencing will also help the reader follow the progression of ideas more easily. Finally, organizing the information into more distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the transformation would strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "transformation," "developed," and "accessibility." However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "inhabitants," "yacht marina") with some inaccuracies, such as the misspelling of "inhabitants" and "yacht." There are also minor errors in word formation, such as "yatch," which detracts from the overall clarity. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task, the errors do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct spelling and word formation. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied expressions would demonstrate a higher level of lexical flexibility and control. Regular practice with synonyms and collocations can also help improve word choice and reduce errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex sentences, the overall grammatical range is limited, and there are noticeable errors that impact clarity. For instance, "inhanitants" is a misspelling of "inhabitants," and "yatch" should be "yacht." Additionally, phrases like "the heart of this housing area" could be more clearly expressed. Errors in punctuation are also present, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which may cause minor confusion for the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures used, ensuring that complex sentences are both accurate and effectively convey meaning. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors would enhance grammatical accuracy. Incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps provided illustrate the transformation of a specific area from 1965 to the present day.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the area has undergone significant development, with numerous trees being removed to accommodate additional housing and facilities for local inhabitants.

In 1965, a few houses were situated in the northeastern part of Ashford. After 60 years, many more apartment buildings and houses have been constructed in the northwest and to the south of the river. A new car park has also been introduced in the heart of this residential area, along with a large yacht marina and another car park to the south of the river.

To the northwest of the river, there was considerable greenery in 1965. However, this vegetation has been entirely cleared to make way for a new car park. The ferry service that once traversed the river has been replaced by two bridges: a road bridge and a footbridge, enhancing accessibility between the two banks.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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