The diagrams below show the development of the horse over a period of 40 million years.

The illustration depicts the evolution of the horse over 40 million years.

Overall, the diagram clearly shows some main differences with the changes in size – the predecessors remarkably larger than their ancestors. The formation of the horse’s foot also gets simpler over the centuries.

In the beginning, the horse , known as the Eohippus, had the smallest body and 5 digits. Following that, after 10 million years, it witnessed the expansion of the middle finger and the disappearance of 2 of its finger. Scientifically speaking, this three-digit horse was known as the Mesohippus, and it was also somewhat larger. Compared to the foot of Mesohippus, that of Merychippus – the 15 million years ago horse was slightly different that the middle finger shrank significantly to almost equal the length of the side fingers. When it comes to their looks, modern horses have greatly expanded in size and have a more noticeable mane and tail than their more archaic ancestors. In the meantime, all of its digits have grown into a single hoof, creating a vertical foot that resembles a stick with joints joining several strong bones. Furthermore, the hip bones are also larger, the horse looks much more muscular than before.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"shows some main differences" -> "illustrates significant disparities"
Explanation: Replacing "shows some main differences" with "illustrates significant disparities" adds precision and emphasizes the magnitude of the variations, contributing to a more nuanced description.
"witnessed the expansion" -> "experienced the expansion"
Explanation: Substituting "witnessed" with "experienced" maintains the sense of observation while introducing a more varied and expressive verb, enhancing the overall vocabulary choice.
"Scientifically speaking" -> "From a scientific perspective"
Explanation: Replacing "Scientifically speaking" with "From a scientific perspective" imparts a more formal and academic tone, aligning with the context of discussing the evolution of a species.
"slightly different that" -> "distinct from"
Explanation: Changing "slightly different that" to "distinct from" improves the precision of the expression, conveying a clearer relationship between the foot structures of Mesohippus and Merychippus.
"When it comes to their looks" -> "Regarding their appearance"
Explanation: Substituting "When it comes to their looks" with "Regarding their appearance" enhances the formality of the statement, providing a more sophisticated transition to the discussion of the horses’ physical characteristics.
"greatly expanded in size" -> "substantially increased in dimensions"
Explanation: Replacing "greatly expanded in size" with "substantially increased in dimensions" introduces a more precise and elaborate description, emphasizing the growth of the horses in a more sophisticated manner.
"more noticeable mane and tail" -> "prominent mane and tail"
Explanation: Changing "more noticeable" to "prominent" elevates the vocabulary, offering a more refined and descriptive term to convey the increased visibility of the mane and tail.
"archaic ancestors" -> "prehistoric progenitors"
Explanation: Substituting "archaic ancestors" with "prehistoric progenitors" maintains the reference to ancestors while incorporating a more advanced and specific term, contributing to a richer vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task, providing a clear overview of the main trends in the development of the horse over 40 million years. The key features, such as changes in size and the evolution of the horse’s foot, are presented and highlighted. The essay maintains a logical progression and demonstrates an understanding of the subject matter.

How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score to a higher band, consider providing a more in-depth analysis of the key features. While the essay touches on the changes in size and the evolution of the horse’s foot, it could benefit from additional details or insights. Moreover, ensure that the language used is precise and that the information is more fully extended, offering a more comprehensive exploration of the topic. Additionally, check for any inaccuracies or imprecisions in the information provided and aim for a more consistent level of detail throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization in presenting information about the evolution of the horse, with a basic chronological structure. However, there is a lack of overall progression, and the transitions between different stages of the horse’s evolution could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, impacting the flow of the essay. Paragraphing is present, but its logic is not consistently maintained.

How to improve:

Logical Progression: Ensure a clear and logical progression in the essay. Connect ideas between different stages of horse evolution to create a cohesive narrative.
Cohesive Devices: Use a more varied range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and ideas. Pay attention to accuracy in their usage.
Referencing and Substitution: Avoid repetition by employing referencing and substitution techniques. This will enhance clarity and coherence in the essay.
Paragraphing Logic: Review and revise paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Consider the logical arrangement of ideas within paragraphs.

By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to communicate effectively. There’s a commendable attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "predecessors," "archaic," and "formation," showcasing awareness of varied vocabulary. The essay effectively conveys the evolution process using a mix of technical terms ("Eohippus," "Mesohippus," "Merychippus") alongside descriptive language ("noticeable mane," "vertical foot"). Although there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation (e.g., "different that" should be "different from"), these don’t significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: Work on refining the precision of word choice and collocation to elevate the essay’s lexical quality. Review sentence structures to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and accurate usage of comparative phrases for better coherence and precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. It attempts to describe the evolution of horses over 40 million years using a variety of sentence forms. There’s an effort to employ transitional phrases and varied vocabulary, showcasing a decent range of structures. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with precision and clarity in expression that occasionally hinder communication.

The essay effectively communicates the main changes observed in the horse’s evolution, outlining the alterations in size and the transformation of the horse’s foot. It makes use of a mixture of sentence types, combining straightforward statements with more complex constructions to convey information.

Though the essay contains some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede the overall understanding. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, missing articles, and minor inaccuracies in expression. However, the errors, while noticeable, do not entirely detract from the clarity of the description.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures further. Work on ensuring subject-verb agreement consistency, using appropriate articles, and refining the accuracy of descriptions. Additionally, attention to precision in language choice and more meticulous proofreading can significantly elevate the overall quality of the essay. Practicing a wider variety of sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar rules would aid in achieving greater accuracy and sophistication in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the evolutionary journey of the horse over a span of 40 million years.

Introduction:
The visual representation outlines the transformative stages in the development of the horse, spanning a remarkable 40 million years.

Overview:
In general, the diagram unmistakably highlights significant variations, notably in terms of size, with ancestral forms notably larger than their predecessors. Additionally, it showcases a simplification in the structure of the horse’s foot throughout the centuries.

Detailed Paragraphs:
Commencing with the Eohippus, the earliest horse, characterized by its diminutive size and possessing five digits, the evolutionary process unfolds. After a duration of 10 million years, the Mesohippus emerges, featuring an enlarged middle finger and the absence of two digits. Scientifically termed as the Mesohippus, this three-digit horse exhibits a noticeable increase in size.

Moving forward in time, approximately 15 million years ago, the Merychippus takes center stage. Remarkably, its foot structure undergoes a notable alteration, with the middle finger significantly reducing in size, almost equating to the length of the side fingers. Not only is there a morphological shift, but the Merychippus also displays subtle differences in appearance compared to its predecessors.

Fast forward to the present day, modern horses showcase a substantial increase in size, accompanied by a more pronounced mane and tail, distinguishing them from their archaic ancestors. Simultaneously, their digits have amalgamated into a single hoof, resulting in a vertical foot resembling a structured limb with interconnected sturdy bones. Moreover, the enlargement of hip bones contributes to a visibly more robust and muscular appearance in contemporary horses, marking a noteworthy contrast from their earlier forms.

In conclusion, the visual depiction succinctly captures the evolutionary trajectory of horses, emphasizing size differentials and structural adaptations that have occurred over the extensive timeline of 40 million years.