The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.

The provided diagrams illustrate how a species of large fish named the salmon undergoes their life cycle.
Overall, the cyclical process comprises three stages with the key differences in the fish’s names and sizes and their living environment. Additionally, the entire process spans about tens years.
The first stage commences with the hatching of salmon eggs deposited among reeds and small stones in the slow-moving upper river. These eggs hatch into “fry” approximately five to six months later. After reaching the length of 3 to 8 centimeters, the fry migrate to the fast-flowing lower river, where they spend roughly four years transforming into “smolts”.
The circular process continues with the salmon going through significant physical growth, from fry with a maximum length of 8 centimeters to smolts ranging from 12 to 15 centimeters long. After departing to the open sea, it takes smolts another five years to develop into “adult salmon”. At this point, a mature salmon achieves its full length of 70 to 76 centimeters and displays distinct red coloring. The grown fish subsequently return to their birthplace to initiate the reproduction process, marking the start of a new cycle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided diagrams illustrate how a species of large fish named the salmon undergoes their life cycle." -> "The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of the salmon species."
Explanation: Simplifying "a species of large fish named the salmon undergoes their life cycle" to "the life cycle of the salmon species" streamlines the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"the cyclical process comprises three stages" -> "the life cycle consists of three stages"
Explanation: Replacing "the cyclical process comprises" with "the life cycle consists of" uses more precise and academically appropriate terminology, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the key differences in the fish’s names and sizes and their living environment" -> "the primary differences in nomenclature, size, and habitat"
Explanation: "Primary differences in nomenclature, size, and habitat" replaces the vague and informal "the fish’s names and sizes and their living environment," providing a more precise and formal description.
"the entire process spans about tens years" -> "the entire process spans approximately ten years"
Explanation: "Approximately ten years" is a more precise and formal way to express an approximate duration compared to the vague and incorrect "tens years."
"These eggs hatch into “fry” approximately five to six months later." -> "These eggs hatch into fry approximately five to six months later."
Explanation: Removing the quotation marks around "fry" corrects the formatting error and maintains the formal tone.
"After reaching the length of 3 to 8 centimeters, the fry migrate to the fast-flowing lower river, where they spend roughly four years transforming into “smolts”." -> "After reaching lengths of 3 to 8 centimeters, the fry migrate to the fast-flowing lower river, where they spend approximately four years transforming into smolts."
Explanation: "Lengths of" is more precise than "the length of," and "approximately" replaces "roughly" for a more formal tone.
"The circular process continues with the salmon going through significant physical growth" -> "The life cycle continues with the salmon undergoing significant physical growth"
Explanation: "The life cycle" is more specific and formal than "the circular process," and "undergoing" is more appropriate than "going through" in an academic context.
"from fry with a maximum length of 8 centimeters to smolts ranging from 12 to 15 centimeters long" -> "from fry measuring up to 8 centimeters to smolts ranging from 12 to 15 centimeters in length"
Explanation: "Measuring up to" and "in length" provide a clearer and more formal description of the size progression.
"After departing to the open sea" -> "After departing for the open sea"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality.
"it takes smolts another five years to develop into “adult salmon”" -> "it takes smolts another five years to develop into adult salmon"
Explanation: Removing the quotation marks around "adult salmon" corrects the formatting error and maintains the formal tone.
"At this point, a mature salmon achieves its full length of 70 to 76 centimeters and displays distinct red coloring." -> "At this stage, mature salmon attain lengths of 70 to 76 centimeters and exhibit distinct red coloring."
Explanation: "At this stage" is more precise than "At this point," and "attain lengths" and "exhibit" are more formal and precise than "achieves its full length" and "displays."
"The grown fish subsequently return to their birthplace to initiate the reproduction process" -> "The mature fish subsequently return to their birthplace to initiate the reproductive process"
Explanation: "Mature fish" is more specific than "grown fish," and "reproductive process" is more precise than "reproduction process" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main stages of the salmon life cycle. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, such as the names of the different stages, the size of the salmon at each stage, and the environment in which they live. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed information about the changes that the salmon undergoes at each stage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes that the salmon undergoes at each stage. For example, the essay could mention that the fry develop gills and fins, that the smolts develop a silvery colour, and that the adult salmon develop a red colour. The essay could also provide more information about the behaviour of the salmon at each stage, such as the fact that the fry are very vulnerable to predators, that the smolts migrate to the open sea, and that the adult salmon return to their birthplace to spawn.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the salmon’s life cycle. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic, such as the stages of the life cycle and the changes in the fish’s size and environment. A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, such as "The first stage commences," "The circular process continues," and "At this point." However, there is a slight overuse of certain cohesive phrases, which prevents it from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could refine its use of cohesive devices to ensure they attract no attention and enhance the natural flow of the text. Additionally, managing paragraphing more skillfully by ensuring each paragraph transitions seamlessly into the next would improve coherence and cohesion. For instance, varying the sentence structures and using more sophisticated linking phrases could help achieve a smoother progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, using terms like "hatching," "fry," "smolts," and "adult salmon." However, the attempt to use less common vocabulary is somewhat limited and lacks precision in certain areas. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the entire process spans about tens years," which contains a grammatical error ("tens" should be "ten"). Additionally, while the vocabulary used is generally clear, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which detract from the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choices. This could involve using more varied synonyms and expressions related to biological processes, as well as improving grammatical accuracy. Additionally, practicing the use of less common lexical items in context and ensuring correct collocation will help elevate the overall quality of the essay. Regular reading of high-level texts on similar topics could also aid in expanding vocabulary and improving fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, indicating good control of grammar and punctuation. While the majority of the sentences are well-constructed, there are minor errors in phrasing and article usage that detract slightly from the overall accuracy. For example, the phrase "the cyclical process comprises three stages with the key differences in the fish’s names and sizes and their living environment" could be clearer with better sentence structure. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 7 score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity and accuracy of sentence structures while minimizing errors. This can be done by practicing more advanced grammatical forms, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and refining sentence clarity. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing would help improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate how a species of large fish known as the salmon undergoes its life cycle. Overall, the cyclical process comprises three stages, with key differences in the fish’s names, sizes, and living environments. Additionally, the entire process spans approximately ten years.

The first stage commences with the hatching of salmon eggs, which are deposited among reeds and small stones in the slow-moving upper river. These eggs hatch into “fry” approximately five to six months later. After reaching a length of 3 to 8 centimeters, the fry migrate to the fast-flowing lower river, where they spend roughly four years transforming into “smolts.”

The circular process continues with the salmon undergoing significant physical growth, from fry with a maximum length of 8 centimeters to smolts ranging from 12 to 15 centimeters long. After departing for the open sea, it takes smolts another five years to develop into “adult salmon.” At this stage, a mature salmon achieves its full length of 70 to 76 centimeters and displays distinct red coloring. The grown fish subsequently return to their birthplace to initiate the reproduction process, marking the start of a new cycle.