the diagrams give information about changes in a student accommodation

The diagrams describe the changes in a student housing estate.
At a quick glance, the building witnessed radical changes with the most noticeable being the replacement of garden for student bedroom and the erection of car parking.
In the south west of this construction, there are nothing changes over the period. However, in the north side of the building, there were a bedroom and a living room next to the garden in 2010, but at the present time, this side were expanded to three rooms, the living room and the garden are transformed to two more bedrooms for student particularly. Moreover, the kitchen are renovated completely by adding new function as well as social area. An ensuite-room were added to the left side of the student bedroom which is in the south east side of the building. Finally, in 2010 there was a garden to the bottom of the accomodation, but now it is replaced to new car parking lot.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the building witnessed radical changes" -> "the building underwent significant changes"
Explanation: "Witnessed" implies passive observation rather than active transformation. "Underwent" conveys that the building experienced changes directly, while "significant" is a more formal term than "radical."
"the replacement of garden for student bedroom" -> "the replacement of the garden with student bedrooms"
Explanation: "Replacement of garden for student bedroom" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Replacement of the garden with student bedrooms" clarifies the action and specifies that multiple bedrooms are involved.
"there are nothing changes" -> "there are no changes"
Explanation: "Nothing changes" is incorrect in this context. "No changes" is the appropriate phrase to indicate the absence of change.
"in the north side of the building" -> "on the north side of the building"
Explanation: The preposition "on" is more appropriate than "in" when referring to a specific side of a structure.
"this side were expanded to three rooms" -> "this side was expanded to include three rooms"
Explanation: "Were" is incorrect as it does not agree with the singular subject "this side." "Was" is the correct form, and "to include" clarifies the nature of the expansion.
"the living room and the garden are transformed to two more bedrooms for student particularly" -> "the living room and the garden have been transformed into two additional bedrooms for students"
Explanation: "Are transformed" should be in the present perfect tense "have been transformed" to indicate a completed action. "Into" is the correct preposition for transformation, and "additional" is more precise than "more," while "students" should be plural for grammatical accuracy.
"the kitchen are renovated completely" -> "the kitchen has been completely renovated"
Explanation: "Are" is incorrect for the singular noun "kitchen." The present perfect "has been" indicates a completed action, and "completely renovated" is a more formal phrasing.
"by adding new function as well as social area" -> "by adding new functions as well as a social area"
Explanation: "Function" should be pluralized to "functions" to match the context, and "a social area" requires the article "a" for grammatical correctness.
"An ensuite-room were added" -> "An ensuite room was added"
Explanation: "Were" is incorrect for the singular noun "ensuite room." "Was" is the correct verb form.
"to the left side of the student bedroom which is in the south east side of the building" -> "to the left side of the student bedroom located on the southeast side of the building"
Explanation: "Which is" can be simplified to "located" for clarity, and "southeast" is the standard spelling for the directional term.
"in 2010 there was a garden to the bottom of the accomodation" -> "in 2010, there was a garden at the bottom of the accommodation"
Explanation: "To" should be replaced with "at" for correct prepositional use, and "accommodation" is the correct spelling.
"but now it is replaced to new car parking lot" -> "but now it has been replaced with a new car parking lot"
Explanation: "Is replaced" should be in the present perfect form "has been replaced" to indicate a completed action, and "with" is the correct preposition for replacement. Adding "a" before "new car parking lot" is necessary for grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the changes in the student accommodation. The essay should also focus on the key features of the changes, rather than just listing details. For example, the essay could mention that the garden has been replaced with a car park, and that the living room has been converted into a bedroom. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes, such as the size of the new bedrooms or the type of social area that has been added to the kitchen.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, it lacks overall progression and clarity. While there are attempts to describe changes in the student accommodation, the logical flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which hinder coherence. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. Paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not transition smoothly between sentences or sections.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be achieved by clearly outlining the main points before elaborating on them. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and avoiding repetitive phrases will help clarify relationships between ideas. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth will contribute to a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in student accommodation, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "nothing changes" instead of "no changes," and "the erection of car parking" which is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as "the kitchen are renovated" instead of "the kitchen is renovated." These issues contribute to a lack of precision and fluency in conveying the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that are appropriate for the context. Improving accuracy in word choice and collocation is essential, as is ensuring grammatical correctness. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to convey ideas more clearly and effectively. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve overall communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("there are nothing changes" and "the kitchen are renovated"), detract from overall clarity. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which can cause confusion for the reader. The errors are frequent enough to cause some difficulty in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout. Proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission would also enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of varied sentence forms and ensuring that all components of sentences are correctly aligned will help improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams describe the changes in a student housing estate. At a quick glance, the building has undergone significant transformations, with the most noticeable changes being the replacement of the garden with student bedrooms and the addition of car parking facilities.

In the southwest of this construction, there have been no changes over the period. However, on the north side of the building, there was a bedroom and a living room adjacent to the garden in 2010. At present, this side has been expanded to include three rooms, with the living room and garden being converted into two additional bedrooms specifically for students. Moreover, the kitchen has been completely renovated, incorporating new functions as well as a social area. An ensuite room has been added to the left side of the student bedroom, which is located in the southeast of the building. Finally, in 2010, there was a garden at the bottom of the accommodation, but it has now been replaced by a new car parking lot.