The diagrams show a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

The provided maps depict the changes to the layout of a particular museum in 1990 and 2010.

Overall, this map underwent a vast number of dramatic modifications, the most important of which were the expansion of the car park and the upgrade of existing amenities, enhancing its functionality visitors’ experience.

On the right-hand side of this museum, a vast expanse of greenery was demolished to make way for a car park double its previous size, while a section of garden in the top right-hand corner was relocated to the proximity of the central map in 2010. No modifications were seen for the main road in the bottom and the path in the middle of the museum during the time frame.

On the left-hand side of the map, there were no changes in the position of a few trees in the garden and the area housing the entrance and store room in the upper part, albeit with the exhibition room being devastated to expand the shop in 2010. One of notable shifts would be the conversion of the cottage near the main road into the established cafe.

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Errors and Improvements:

"vast number of dramatic modifications" -> "significant and substantial alterations"
Explanation: Replacing "vast number of dramatic modifications" with "significant and substantial alterations" maintains clarity while using more precise and sophisticated language.
"enhancing its functionality visitors’ experience" -> "enhancing the functionality of visitors’ experience"
Explanation: Adjusting "its functionality visitors’ experience" to "the functionality of visitors’ experience" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.
"a vast expanse of greenery" -> "a considerable expanse of greenery"
Explanation: Substituting "vast" with "considerable" provides a more nuanced description while maintaining the original meaning.
"devastated to expand the shop" -> "demolished to expand the shop"
Explanation: "Devastated" suggests emotional destruction rather than physical, so "demolished" is a more appropriate term to describe the action of expanding the shop.
"One of notable shifts would be" -> "One notable shift was"
Explanation: Simplifying "One of notable shifts would be" to "One notable shift was" improves the sentence’s clarity and flow.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the changes to the museum layout in 1990 and 2010. Key features such as the expansion of the car park and the upgrade of existing amenities are clearly presented and highlighted. The essay adequately discusses the modifications to the museum’s surroundings, including the relocation of greenery and the conversion of buildings. However, the presentation could be more fully developed by providing additional details or explanations for some of the changes.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more specific details about the size and scale of the modifications, as well as the impact they had on the museum and its visitors. Additionally, expanding on the reasons behind certain changes, such as the expansion of the shop or the relocation of greenery, would enhance the overall clarity and depth of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay generally arranges information coherently with a clear overall progression. It effectively describes changes to the museum’s layout between 1990 and 2010. However, there are some cohesion issues within and between sentences, such as occasional awkward transitions and repetitive language use. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, the logic behind the paragraph breaks could be improved for better coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence, work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic related to the museum’s changes, avoiding repetition and maintaining a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to improve flow and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the changes in the museum’s layout over time. It employs varied lexical items such as "layout," "modification," "expansion," "upgrade," "amenities," "functionality," and "visitors’ experience." Additionally, less common vocabulary like "expanse," "devastated," "proximity," and "cottage" is used effectively. There is awareness of style and collocation, particularly evident in phrases like "vast expanse of greenery," "section of garden," and "conversion of the cottage." Although there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "expansion of the shop" instead of "expanding the shop"), they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, ensure consistent accuracy in word choice and spelling throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for more sophisticated vocabulary choices where appropriate to elevate the overall lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence forms. The use of vocabulary is appropriate, contributing to the clarity of expression. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some minor errors present, such as missing articles ("a vast expanse," "the proximity"), and awkward phrasing ("the modification were seen"). Despite these errors, they do not significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical accuracy, ensure consistent and appropriate use of articles, especially when referring to specific objects ("a vast expanse," "the proximity"). Review sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure clarity in expression. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the alterations to the layout of a specific museum between 1990 and 2010.

Overall, the museum experienced significant transformations during this period, particularly with regard to the expansion of the car park and the enhancement of existing facilities, aimed at improving visitors’ experience.

On the right-hand side of the museum, a substantial portion of green space was removed to accommodate a car park twice its original size by 2010. Additionally, a segment of the garden located in the top right corner was relocated closer to the central area of the map.

Conversely, no modifications were observed along the main road at the bottom or the pathway in the middle of the museum throughout the depicted time frame.

Moving to the left-hand side of the map, there were minimal changes in the positioning of several trees within the garden and the area housing the entrance and storage room in the upper part. However, notable adjustments include the conversion of the exhibition room into an expanded shop in 2010.

Furthermore, a noteworthy transformation occurred with the conversion of the cottage adjacent to the main road into a fully operational cafe.