The differences between countries are becoming less obvious. Today, people everywhere watch the same movies, follow the same fashion, and see the same brands, advertisements, and TV shows. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The differences between countries are becoming less obvious. Today, people everywhere watch the same movies, follow the same fashion, and see the same brands, advertisements, and TV shows. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There has been an increase in countries' similarity. People nowadays tend to have same habits such as watching same movies, fashion style. In this essay, I will explain why this new pattern has more benefits than its drawbacks.
It is undeniable that there are some advantages of having same tendency. Firstly, when people have a same taste in fashion or watching movies, big businesses can significantly benefit from this trend. As many customers usually depend on the reputation of its manufacturer before making a decision to buy a particular product, it is popular organizations that gain trust from these individuals. Moreover, if people follow a same trend, they can have more understanding about each other even citizens in different country. For example, by watching a same TV show, viewers can make a conversation with other people by discussing what happens on that show or sharing their thought about some situation in it, strengthening bond of people engaging the talk.
On the other hand, this trend also has some drawbacks. First and foremost, when people everywhere see the same brands, advertisements or wearing one fashion style, they may forget about the traditions as well as the costumes of their own country. For instances, the dominance of modern type of songs such as rap or pop song draws many young people's attention away from the traditional song of their country, leading to the loss of cultural diversity of a nation. As a result, the unique identity of a country may disappear due to a deficiency of its own cultural.
In conclusion, although sharing the same habits can result in lack of culture of many nations, I believe this trend can increase the sympathy among many people and allow many big company to further develop.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "countries’ similarity" -> "similarity among countries"
   Explanation: The phrase "countries’ similarity" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Similarity among countries" is grammatically correct and more natural in academic writing.

2. "People nowadays tend to have same habits" -> "Individuals currently exhibit similar habits"
   Explanation: "People nowadays tend to have same habits" is informal and lacks precision. "Individuals currently exhibit similar habits" is more formal and precise.

3. "watching same movies, fashion style" -> "viewing the same movies and fashion styles"
   Explanation: "watching same movies, fashion style" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Viewing the same movies and fashion styles" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.

4. "this new pattern has more benefits than its drawbacks" -> "this trend offers more advantages than disadvantages"
   Explanation: "this new pattern has more benefits than its drawbacks" is somewhat informal and vague. "this trend offers more advantages than disadvantages" is more precise and formal.

5. "big businesses" -> "large corporations"
   Explanation: "big businesses" is informal and vague. "Large corporations" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.

6. "significantly benefit from this trend" -> "substantially benefit from this trend"
   Explanation: "significantly" is somewhat vague; "substantially" provides a clearer degree of benefit.

7. "it is popular organizations" -> "it is popular organizations"
   Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. The correct form should be "it is popular organizations."

8. "make a conversation" -> "engage in a conversation"
   Explanation: "make a conversation" is incorrect. "Engage in a conversation" is the correct phrase.

9. "strengthening bond of people engaging the talk" -> "strengthening the bonds among those engaging in the conversation"
   Explanation: "strengthening bond of people engaging the talk" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies and corrects the grammar.

10. "this trend also has some drawbacks" -> "this trend also presents some drawbacks"
    Explanation: "has some drawbacks" is somewhat informal and vague. "presents some drawbacks" is more formal and precise.

11. "First and foremost" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "First and foremost" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase.

12. "For instances" -> "For instance"
    Explanation: "For instances" is incorrect. "For instance" is the correct phrase.

13. "the dominance of modern type of songs" -> "the dominance of modern song types"
    Explanation: "the dominance of modern type of songs" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "the dominance of modern song types" corrects the grammar and improves clarity.

14. "draws many young people’s attention away" -> "attracts many young people’s attention away"
    Explanation: "draws" is less formal; "attracts" is more precise and formal.

15. "lack of culture of many nations" -> "cultural depletion in many nations"
    Explanation: "lack of culture of many nations" is awkward and unclear. "cultural depletion in many nations" is more precise and formal.

16. "sympathy among many people" -> "sympathy among the public"
    Explanation: "sympathy among many people" is vague and informal. "sympathy among the public" is more specific and formal.

17. "allow many big company to further develop" -> "enable many large companies to further develop"
    Explanation: "allow many big company to further develop" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "enable many large companies to further develop" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing similarity between countries. The author identifies benefits such as enhanced understanding among people and economic advantages for businesses, while also acknowledging the drawbacks related to cultural loss. However, the discussion of advantages is more developed than that of disadvantages, leading to an imbalance in the treatment of both sides. For example, the point about cultural loss is mentioned but not explored as deeply as the benefits.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are given equal weight. This can be achieved by elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples and deeper analysis, ensuring that each side of the argument is equally represented.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in reinforcing this stance. Phrases like "I believe this trend can increase the sympathy among many people" are somewhat vague and could be more assertive in stating the overall position.
  • How to improve: The author should aim to restate their position more emphatically in the conclusion, summarizing the key points that support their view. Using stronger language to assert their position can help clarify their stance for the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits for businesses and the potential for increased understanding among people. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the idea that shared trends can lead to better communication is introduced but not thoroughly explored with examples or further explanation.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could include specific instances of cultural exchange facilitated by shared media or fashion, which would strengthen their argument and provide clearer support for their claims.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of cultural similarity. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "modern type of songs" could be better connected to the overall theme of cultural loss rather than presented as a standalone point.
  • How to improve: The author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding any tangential discussions that do not serve the overall purpose of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it can be improved by balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring that all points are tightly connected to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points made in each paragraph are relevant to the topic, and the essay progresses logically from one idea to the next. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of shared habits to the drawbacks is smooth, indicating a coherent flow of ideas. However, the connection between some points could be stronger; for example, the link between shared trends and cultural loss could be more explicitly articulated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is directly linked back to the thesis statement. Using transitional phrases such as "In addition," "Conversely," or "Furthermore" can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the advantages of shared trends in the first body paragraph and the disadvantages in the second. However, the paragraphs could be more developed; for example, the second body paragraph could benefit from additional examples or elaboration on how cultural loss manifests.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Consider using examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions could be more varied to enhance the essay’s fluidity. For instance, the phrase "same tendency" is repeated, which could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased for variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "In contrast" instead of "On the other hand" or "Additionally" instead of "Moreover." Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion within and between paragraphs. This will create a more sophisticated and engaging reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and maintains a logical structure, there are opportunities for improvement in the depth of argumentation, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate word choices such as "similarity," "habits," and "cultural diversity." However, the use of phrases like "same habits" and "a same taste" indicates a lack of variety and sophistication in vocabulary. The repetition of "same" could have been replaced with synonyms or varied expressions to enhance the lexical range.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms and more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of "same habits," you could say "similar behaviors" or "shared practices." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to globalization and cultural exchange could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, "big businesses can significantly benefit from this trend" is clear, but the phrase "it is popular organizations that gain trust" is awkward and unclear. The use of "a same" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "the same."
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary matches the intended meaning and context. Instead of "popular organizations," consider "well-known brands" or "renowned companies." Additionally, review grammar rules regarding articles to avoid phrases like "a same."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "for instances" (should be "for instance") and "costumes" (which should be "customs" in this context). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, especially those relevant to the essay topic.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, improving vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "People nowadays tend to have same habits" are prevalent, but there are also compound structures, such as "when people have a same taste in fashion or watching movies, big businesses can significantly benefit from this trend." However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which affects the overall sophistication of the writing. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the same habits such as watching same movies, fashion style," which could be expressed more clearly.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences by using subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of "when people have a same taste," the writer could say, "when people share similar tastes in fashion and film, it creates opportunities for businesses to thrive." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences could also add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "a same taste" and "the same habits" should be corrected to "the same taste" and "the same habits," respectively. There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences. For instance, "Moreover, if people follow a same trend, they can have more understanding about each other even citizens in different country" could benefit from a comma after "each other" for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "leading to the loss of cultural diversity of a nation" lacks a clear subject, making it somewhat ambiguous.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts could also provide examples of proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and addresses the prompt, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been an increase in countries’ similarity. People nowadays tend to have similar habits, such as watching the same movies and following the same fashion styles. In this essay, I will explain why this new pattern has more benefits than its drawbacks.

It is undeniable that there are some advantages to having the same tendencies. Firstly, when people have a similar taste in fashion or movies, large corporations can substantially benefit from this trend. As many customers usually depend on the reputation of the manufacturer before making a decision to buy a particular product, it is popular organizations that gain trust from these individuals. Moreover, if people follow the same trend, they can have more understanding of each other, even citizens in different countries. For instance, by watching the same TV show, viewers can engage in a conversation with others by discussing what happens in that show or sharing their thoughts about some situations in it, strengthening the bonds among those engaging in the conversation.

On the other hand, this trend also presents some drawbacks. First and foremost, when people everywhere see the same brands, advertisements, or wear one fashion style, they may forget about the traditions as well as the customs of their own country. For instance, the dominance of modern song types, such as rap or pop songs, attracts many young people’s attention away from the traditional songs of their country, leading to the loss of cultural diversity in a nation. As a result, the unique identity of a country may disappear due to a deficiency of its own culture.

In conclusion, although sharing the same habits can result in a lack of culture in many nations, I believe this trend can increase sympathy among many people and enable many large companies to further develop.