The earth is warming at an alarming rate, and humans are running out of non-renewable resources.

The earth is warming at an alarming rate, and humans are running out of non-renewable resources.

The earth is warming at an alarming rate, and humans are running out of non-renewable resources. As an individual, you’ve become increasingly aware of the impact your life has on the planet. Even if you make every effort to live sustainably, you likely won’t do much to help the planet. However, if you take the concept of green living beyond a personal approach and into the community, your collective effort will make a huge difference.
One way you can inspire your community to go green is by shopping locally. That means frequenting local farmers’ markets and small family-owned businesses, as well as farm-to-table restaurants. The goal is to reduce food miles while supporting the local economy. This local shopping time can allow you to get to know your community.
You might also make occasional trips to the local thrift shop or charity organization to donate food or unwanted, lightly used items. Ask your neighbors if they have anything they’d like to donate, and offer to take it for them. Better yet, you could even host a community clothing or food drive to collect items. Doing this will inspire your community to think twice before tossing unwanted items in the trash, and maybe even encourage your neighbors to purchase used items instead of heading to the store first.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "As an individual, you’ve become increasingly aware" -> "As an individual, you have become increasingly aware"
   Explanation: Removing the contraction "you’ve" to "you have" aligns with formal academic writing standards by avoiding contractions in formal texts.

2. "you likely won’t do much to help the planet" -> "it is likely that you will not contribute significantly to helping the planet"
   Explanation: Replacing "you likely won’t do much" with "it is likely that you will not contribute significantly" formalizes the tone and avoids the contraction, enhancing the academic tone.

3. "make a huge difference" -> "make a significant difference"
   Explanation: Replacing "huge" with "significant" maintains a formal tone and avoids colloquial language.

4. "shopping locally" -> "purchasing locally"
   Explanation: "Purchasing" is a more precise and formal term than "shopping," which is often associated with casual or informal contexts.

5. "frequenting local farmers’ markets and small family-owned businesses" -> "regularly visiting local farmers’ markets and small family-owned businesses"
   Explanation: "Regularly visiting" is more precise and formal than "frequenting," which can be seen as slightly informal or archaic.

6. "farm-to-table restaurants" -> "farm-to-table establishments"
   Explanation: "Establishments" is a more formal term than "restaurants," which is somewhat colloquial in this context.

7. "reduce food miles" -> "minimize food miles"
   Explanation: "Minimize" is a more precise and formal term than "reduce" in this context, emphasizing the reduction of an environmental impact.

8. "This local shopping time" -> "This local shopping experience"
   Explanation: "Experience" is a more formal and encompassing term than "time," which is vague and less precise.

9. "get to know your community" -> "familiarize yourself with your community"
   Explanation: "Familiarize yourself with" is a more formal expression than "get to know," which is conversational.

10. "make occasional trips" -> "make periodic visits"
    Explanation: "Periodic visits" is a more formal and precise term than "occasional trips," which is somewhat casual.

11. "ask your neighbors if they have anything they’d like to donate" -> "inquire of your neighbors if they have items they would be willing to donate"
    Explanation: "Inquire of" is more formal than "ask," and "items they would be willing to donate" is more precise than "anything they’d like to donate."

12. "Better yet, you could even host a community clothing or food drive" -> "Alternatively, you could organize a community clothing or food drive"
    Explanation: "Alternatively" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Better yet," and "organize" is more precise than "host" in this context.

13. "toss unwanted items in the trash" -> "discard unwanted items"
    Explanation: "Discard" is a more formal and precise term than "toss," which is colloquial.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay begins by acknowledging the prompt regarding global warming and the depletion of non-renewable resources. However, it primarily focuses on individual actions and community initiatives without explicitly addressing the broader implications of these issues. The response lacks a direct exploration of the causes and consequences of global warming and resource depletion, which are critical components of the prompt. For example, while the essay discusses local shopping and community drives, it does not connect these actions to the overarching themes of climate change and resource scarcity.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a discussion of the causes of global warming and the importance of conserving non-renewable resources. Incorporating statistics or examples related to these issues would strengthen the argument. Additionally, a brief mention of the global context or larger systemic changes needed would enhance the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that emphasizes individual and community action as a means to combat environmental issues. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The initial statement suggests a sense of futility in individual efforts, which may confuse the reader about the overall stance. For instance, the phrase "you likely won’t do much to help the planet" undermines the subsequent suggestions for community action.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should start with a strong thesis statement that outlines the belief in the efficacy of community action. Each paragraph should then reinforce this thesis by linking individual actions back to the larger goal of addressing climate change. Using transitional phrases can help maintain coherence and clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as shopping locally and organizing community drives, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported with adequate evidence. For example, while the concept of reducing food miles is mentioned, there is no elaboration on how this specifically contributes to combating global warming or conserving resources. The lack of statistics or examples weakens the persuasive power of the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the essay should include specific examples or data that illustrate the impact of the suggested actions. For instance, discussing the carbon footprint of local versus imported goods or providing statistics on the benefits of recycling would strengthen the argument. Each idea should be elaborated upon with clear connections to the main topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing actions individuals can take to address environmental issues. However, it occasionally deviates from the central theme by focusing too much on community initiatives without linking them back to the broader issues of global warming and resource depletion. The mention of thrift shops and clothing drives, while relevant, could be more explicitly tied to the prompt’s concerns.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should consistently relate each action back to the main themes of the prompt. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties the action to the broader issue of climate change or resource conservation. This will help ensure that all content remains relevant and directly addresses the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents its ideas in a logical sequence, starting with a general statement about environmental issues and then transitioning into specific actions individuals can take to inspire community involvement. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph builds on the previous one, maintaining a clear focus on the theme of community action. For instance, the shift from individual actions to community initiatives is well-articulated, allowing readers to follow the argument easily.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing local shopping, a sentence like "In addition to supporting local businesses, community engagement can also extend to charitable actions" would create a smoother transition to the next point about donating items.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of community involvement in sustainability, which contributes to clarity. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific examples, such as shopping locally and organizing drives.
  • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One effective way to promote sustainability within your community is through local shopping," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "one way," and "better yet," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easy to follow the author’s line of reasoning.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "furthermore" or "in addition" could enhance the connection between ideas, particularly when introducing new examples or elaborating on previous points. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can also improve cohesion; for instance, combining shorter sentences into more complex ones can create a smoother flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively conveying its message while maintaining clarity and logical organization. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the essay’s effectiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in terms of everyday language related to sustainability and community engagement. Phrases like "green living," "farm-to-table restaurants," and "community clothing or food drive" indicate an understanding of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with terms like "community" and "local," which appear frequently without sufficient variation.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "local," you might use "regional" or "neighborhood." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues, such as "sustainable practices," "ecological footprint," or "resource conservation," could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "make every effort to live sustainably" is somewhat vague. While it conveys the intended meaning, it lacks specificity regarding what sustainable living entails.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, clarify terms and provide specific examples. Instead of saying "live sustainably," you could specify actions like "reducing energy consumption" or "utilizing renewable energy sources." This not only enhances clarity but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. Words like "non-renewable," "unwanted," and "community" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the text.
  • How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or apps can assist in identifying any potential mistakes before final submission.

Overall, while the essay meets the criteria for a Band 6 in Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By diversifying vocabulary, refining word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively combines two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction: "The earth is warming at an alarming rate, and humans are running out of non-renewable resources." Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if you take the concept of green living beyond a personal approach," showcases an understanding of more complex grammatical forms. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the inclusion of more advanced structures, such as participial phrases or relative clauses.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinating conjunctions, such as "although," "because," or "while." For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "you," try beginning with an introductory phrase or clause. This will enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "this local shopping time can allow you to get to know your community" could be clearer; the term "shopping time" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for better clarity. Punctuation is generally correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses. However, there are instances where clarity could be improved, such as in the sentence "Doing this will inspire your community to think twice before tossing unwanted items in the trash," where the subject could be more explicitly stated to avoid ambiguity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to word choice and clarity. Consider revising sentences that may sound awkward or vague. Additionally, reviewing common punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will further strengthen your writing. Reading your essay aloud can help identify areas where clarity may be lacking.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The earth is warming at an alarming rate, and humans are running out of non-renewable resources. As an individual, you have become increasingly aware of the impact your life has on the planet. Even if you make every effort to live sustainably, it is likely that you will not contribute significantly to helping the planet. However, if you take the concept of green living beyond a personal approach and into the community, your collective effort can make a significant difference.

One way you can inspire your community to adopt greener practices is by purchasing locally. This means regularly visiting local farmers’ markets and small family-owned businesses, as well as supporting farm-to-table establishments. The goal is to minimize food miles while bolstering the local economy. This local shopping experience can also help you familiarize yourself with your community.

You might also make periodic visits to the local thrift shop or charity organization to donate food or unwanted, lightly used items. Inquire of your neighbors if they have items they would be willing to donate, and offer to take them for them. Alternatively, you could organize a community clothing or food drive to collect items. Doing this will inspire your community to think twice before discarding unwanted items and may even encourage your neighbors to purchase used items instead of heading to the store first.