The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
The first chart below shows the percentages of women and men in a country involved in some kinds (cooking, cleaning, pet caring and repairing the house). The second chart show the amount of time each gender spent on each task per day.
The first given bar chart juxtaposes a comparative information pertaining to the ratio of individuals, classified by genders, engaged in four distinct kinds of housework, namely cooking, cleaning, pet care and house repairs. The second chart depicts the average amount of time men and women devoted to housework, measured in minutes.
From an overall perspective, it is evident that there were more female than male did housework, and the average time they spent doing housework were also higher than that of male. In addition, cooking was the activity done by the largest proportion of both two sexes.
With regard to the first chart, there were over four-fifths of women involved in housework, 20% higher compared to that figure for men. Similarly, cleaning was done by roughly 60% women, while the percentage of men involved in this activity accounted for approximately 40%. Conversely, the proportion of female who took care of pet was around 20%, slightly lower than that of men. House repair was performed by the lowest percentage of men with about 18%, doubled that data for women.
Examining the second chart, women dedicated around 80 minutes and 70 minutes respectively cooking and cleaning, whilst about 60 minutes and roughly 45 minutes are spent by men doing these two activities. Meanwhile, the average amount of time devoted by both two genders to pet care shared the similar pattern with approximately 20 minutes. In contrast, male spent around 15 minutes repairing house, three times as much as that of female.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- "juxtaposes a comparative information" -> "juxtaposes comparative information"
Explanation: "Comparative information" is already implied in the context of a bar chart comparing different categories, so the word "comparative" is redundant. - "pertaining to the ratio of individuals" -> "regarding the distribution of individuals"
Explanation: "Pertaining to" is a bit formal and wordy here. "Regarding" is more concise and appropriate for discussing the subject matter of the chart. - "engaged in four distinct kinds of housework" -> "involved in four distinct types of housework"
Explanation: "Engaged" typically refers to active participation, while "involved" is more appropriate for describing participation in activities like housework. - "more female than male did housework" -> "more females than males were engaged in housework"
Explanation: Using "females" and "males" as nouns is more formal and precise. Also, rephrasing the sentence structure for clarity. - "the average time they spent doing housework were also higher than that of male" -> "the average time spent by females on housework was also higher than that of males"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement and making the sentence clearer by specifying "females" and "males" instead of pronouns. - "done by the largest proportion of both two sexes" -> "undertaken by the majority of both genders"
Explanation: Using "proportion" in this context is less precise than "majority," and "both two sexes" is redundant. - "there were over four-fifths of women involved in housework" -> "over four-fifths of females were involved in housework"
Explanation: Using "females" instead of "women" maintains consistency in terminology and formal tone. - "20% higher compared to that figure for men" -> "20% higher than the corresponding figure for men"
Explanation: Clarifying the comparison and avoiding repetition by using "corresponding" instead of repeating "that figure." - "Conversely, the proportion of female who took care of pet" -> "In contrast, the percentage of females who took care of pets"
Explanation: "Conversely" is used incorrectly here; "In contrast" is more suitable. Also, "female" should be pluralized to "females," and "pet" should be pluralized to "pets" for grammatical correctness. - "with about 18%, doubled that data for women" -> "with about 18%, twice the corresponding figure for women"
Explanation: "Doubled that data" is awkward phrasing. "Twice the corresponding figure" is clearer and more formal. - "Examining the second chart, women dedicated around 80 minutes and 70 minutes respectively cooking and cleaning" -> "Examining the second chart, women dedicated around 80 minutes to cooking and 70 minutes to cleaning"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and to avoid repetition of "minutes." - "whilst about 60 minutes and roughly 45 minutes are spent by men doing these two activities" -> "while men spend about 60 minutes on cooking and roughly 45 minutes on cleaning"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and removing unnecessary repetition of "minutes." - "Meanwhile, the average amount of time devoted by both two genders" -> "Meanwhile, the average time devoted by both genders"
Explanation: "Both two genders" is redundant; "both genders" is sufficient. - "shared the similar pattern with approximately 20 minutes" -> "followed a similar pattern, with approximately 20 minutes"
Explanation: Improving clarity and conciseness by rephrasing the sentence structure. - "male spent around 15 minutes repairing house" -> "males spent around 15 minutes repairing houses"
Explanation: "Male" should be pluralized to "males," and "house" should be pluralized to "houses" for grammatical correctness.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in both charts. It effectively highlights key features and bullet points, such as the comparison between the percentages of men and women engaged in different types of housework and the average time spent by each gender on these activities. However, the response could be more fully developed, particularly in providing additional supporting details and explanations for the trends observed.
How to improve:
To improve, consider expanding on the analysis by providing more specific data points from the charts to support the observations made. Additionally, ensure that all key features and bullet points are thoroughly addressed and explained to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the data presented.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay presents a clear overview of the data and organizes information in a coherent manner. It introduces the charts and summarizes the main trends effectively. The use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, helps in maintaining coherence. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within sentences, and some ideas could be linked more smoothly. Additionally, while paragraphing is evident, it’s not always logical. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences to enhance paragraph coherence.
How to improve:
- Work on improving the cohesion within and between sentences to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.
- Use more varied and precise cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence.
- Pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions logically to the next.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, utilizing varied lexical items such as "juxtaposes," "pertaining to," "proportion," and "dedicated." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary and phrases, contributing to a relatively flexible and precise expression of ideas. The essay also shows awareness of style and collocation, enhancing the overall coherence of the text. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "there were more female than male did housework" (should be "than males") and "average time they spent doing housework were also higher" (should be "was also higher"). Despite these errors, the vocabulary usage is sufficient to convey the intended meaning effectively.
How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on ensuring accuracy in word choice and word formation. Review sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Additionally, continue incorporating a variety of vocabulary while maintaining clarity and coherence in expression.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. It effectively employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, such as "The first given bar chart juxtaposes a comparative information pertaining to the ratio of individuals, classified by genders, engaged in four distinct kinds of housework…" The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication of ideas. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "there were more female than male did housework" which should be "there were more females than males engaged in housework."
How to improve:
To enhance the score further, focus on eliminating minor errors like subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, aim for more precise word choices and smoother transitions between sentences to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided bar chart offers a comparative analysis of the participation rates of individuals, categorized by gender, in four distinct household tasks: cooking, cleaning, pet care, and house repairs. Additionally, the second chart illustrates the average time spent by men and women on each of these tasks per day, measured in minutes.
Overall, it is evident that a higher proportion of women engaged in household chores compared to men, and women also spent more time on these activities on average. Cooking emerged as the most common task for both genders.
Turning to the first chart, over four-fifths of women were involved in housework, a figure approximately 20% higher than that of men. Similarly, cleaning was undertaken by around 60% of women, while only about 40% of men participated in this activity. Conversely, pet care was slightly more prevalent among men, with approximately 20% of men compared to women. However, house repairs were predominantly handled by men, with around 18% of men engaged in this task, double the percentage of women.
Examining the second chart, women spent approximately 80 minutes on cooking and 70 minutes on cleaning, while men dedicated around 60 minutes and roughly 45 minutes to these tasks, respectively. Both genders devoted around 20 minutes to pet care. In contrast, men spent approximately 15 minutes on house repairs, three times the amount of time spent by women.
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