The following table compares the life expectancy and GDP for six nations in 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table illustrates figures for GDP and life expectancy in six surveyed countries in the year 2009 . Overall, the USA had the highest GDP among other countries . In addition , Australians people had the highest life expectancy . Looking at the table more closely , one can see that the USA ranked highest in GDP sector and third in the lifex expectancy , at 45,900 dollars and 78 ages . Additionally , Australia's GDP was 8000 dollars lower than USA and had the highest life expectancy at 82 ages . Moreover , figures for Spanish citizens in GDP and life expectancy was 32,500 dollars and 81 ages which followed Australia . Moving to Poland ,which nation's GDP was a half of that of the USA , represented high at 75 ages for life expectancy . Futhermore , India 's GDP was one sixth of that of Poland and life expectancy was 10 ages lower than that of Poland . Last but not least , Mali had the lowest figures for GDP and life expectancy at 1,200 dollars and 50 ages .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"figures for GDP and life expectancy" -> "data on GDP and life expectancy"
Explanation: Using "data" instead of "figures" contributes to a more formal and academic tone, enhancing the precision and professionalism of the statement.
"among other countries" -> "compared to the other countries"
Explanation: "Compared to the other countries" provides a clearer indication of the comparison being made, avoiding potential ambiguity and improving the overall flow of the sentence.
"Australians people" -> "the Australian population"
Explanation: The term "Australians people" is grammatically awkward. "The Australian population" is a more natural and grammatically correct way to refer to the people of Australia.
"Looking at the table more closely" -> "Upon closer examination of the table"
Explanation: "Upon closer examination of the table" is a more formal and precise expression, elevating the language used in the essay.
"one can see" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" imparts a more sophisticated tone compared to "one can see," aligning with a more formal writing style.
"USA" -> "the United States"
Explanation: While "USA" is commonly used, using "the United States" adds formality and avoids potential informality in a written context.
"third in the lifex expectancy" -> "third in life expectancy"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "x" in "lifex" corrects the typographical error, ensuring accuracy and clarity.
"at 45,900 dollars and 78 ages" -> "at $45,900 and an average life expectancy of 78 years"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with proper punctuation and phrasing enhances readability and clarity, especially when presenting numerical information.
"Australia’s GDP was 8000 dollars lower than USA" -> "Australia’s GDP was $8,000 lower than that of the United States"
Explanation: This revision provides a more polished and precise presentation of the GDP comparison between Australia and the United States.
"82 ages" -> "82 years"
Explanation: Using "years" instead of "ages" is more conventional and accurate when referring to life expectancy, maintaining a professional tone.
"figures for Spanish citizens" -> "data for the citizens of Spain"
Explanation: Substituting "figures" with "data" and rephrasing to "citizens of Spain" enhances clarity and formalizes the language.
"Moving to Poland, which nation’s GDP was a half of that of the USA" -> "Turning to Poland, whose GDP was half that of the United States"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with proper phrasing and using "whose" instead of "which" improves grammatical correctness and flow.
"represented high at 75 ages for life expectancy" -> "reported a high life expectancy of 75 years"
Explanation: The revised wording is clearer and more standard in describing life expectancy, contributing to a more formal expression.
"Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "Furthermore" adheres to proper English spelling and maintains a formal tone.
"one sixth of that of Poland and life expectancy was 10 ages lower" -> "one-sixth of Poland’s and a life expectancy 10 years lower"
Explanation: Clarifying the comparison by explicitly stating "Poland’s" and rephrasing the life expectancy comparison improves precision and readability.
"Mali had the lowest figures for GDP and life expectancy" -> "Mali reported the lowest values for GDP and life expectancy"
Explanation: Substituting "figures" with "values" and using "reported" enhances the professionalism of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in GDP and life expectancy for the six surveyed countries in 2009. It appropriately selects and reports key features and makes relevant comparisons. The response is well-organized, presenting information in a coherent manner.

How to improve:
To improve and move towards a higher band score, consider extending the explanation of key features and bullet points. While the overview is clear, providing more detail and depth in the analysis of GDP and life expectancy for each country could enhance the response. Additionally, strive for greater accuracy in language use and ensure that details are relevant and appropriate throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay provides information on GDP and life expectancy for six nations in 2009. There’s an attempt at presenting comparisons, yet the organization lacks coherence and logical progression. The essay’s structure is fragmented, lacking a clear flow of ideas. There are issues with sentence structures, leading to difficulties in understanding connections between the presented data points. Basic cohesive devices are attempted but are often inaccurate or repetitive. Paragraphing is inconsistent, contributing to the overall lack of clarity.

How to improve:

Structural Coherence: Focus on organizing ideas logically, perhaps by starting with an overview before delving into specific comparisons between countries.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately to connect ideas. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure the proper use of transitional words and phrases.
Paragraphing: Structure the content into cohesive paragraphs, each with a clear central topic, to enhance readability and coherence.

Improving these elements will significantly enhance the essay’s coherence and cohesion, helping the reader to follow the comparisons more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision. The writer successfully conveys information about GDP and life expectancy for six countries in 2009. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "figures," "sector," and "represented high," contributing to a relatively varied vocabulary. The use of different expressions like "Moving to," "Moreover," and "Last but not least" adds a degree of sophistication to the language. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "lifex expectancy" instead of "life expectancy," and some awkward phrasing, like "Australia’s GDP was 8000 dollars lower than USA." These errors, though noticeable, do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should pay closer attention to accuracy in word choice and phrasing. Specifically, proofreading for typographical errors like "lifex expectancy" and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas would enhance the overall lexical resource. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary and refining sentence structures can further elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating a variety of structures to convey information. There is a generally good control of grammar and punctuation, although some errors are present. The essay effectively communicates the main features of the data, providing comparisons between the countries.

How to improve: While the essay is generally effective, attention to a few grammatical and punctuation errors could enhance clarity. For instance, there are some minor inaccuracies in sentence structure, such as "In addition , Australians people" could be revised to "Additionally, Australians." Additionally, ensuring consistent use of plural and singular forms, such as "figures for Spanish citizens" and "Moving to Poland, which nation’s GDP," would contribute to a more polished presentation. Overall, a thorough proofreading to catch and correct such errors would elevate the grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table presents data on GDP and life expectancy for six nations in the year 2009. Overall, the United States exhibited the highest GDP, while Australia led in life expectancy.

Examining the specifics, the USA claimed the top spot in GDP, reaching $45,900, and secured the third position in life expectancy at 78 years. Conversely, Australia, with a GDP $8,000 lower than the USA, boasted the highest life expectancy at 82 years.

Turning our attention to Spain, its citizens experienced a GDP of $32,500 and a life expectancy of 81 years, trailing behind Australia. In contrast, Poland, with a GDP half that of the USA, displayed a commendable life expectancy of 75 years.

Moving further, India’s GDP was a mere one-sixth of Poland’s, and its life expectancy lagged by 10 years. Lastly, Mali recorded the lowest figures, with a GDP of $1,200 and a life expectancy of 50 years.

In summary, the table underscores the disparities in GDP and life expectancy among these nations in 2009, highlighting the varied socio-economic landscapes across the globe.