The gap between the rich and the poor is getting wider. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be done to improve the situation?

There is increasing space between the wealthy and the less fortunate in many countries around the world. While several reasons lead to this phenomenon, some solutions can be taken to improve the situation.
One cause of the growing class division is the education disparities among people in poverty and ethnic minorities. To be more specific, people acquiring high quality education can easily receive more job opportunities from many affluent manufacturer and boost their potential earnings. To mitigate this problem, governments should invest in education and vocational training programs to improve access to quality education for individuals from lower – income backgrounds. To illustrate, schools and local authorities might motivate children to study persistently through educational sponsorships. Moreover, they also invest in professional development for teachers, which focuses on culturally responsive teaching and strategies to engage students from diverse backgrounds. It is clear that improve literacy attribute to shortening the distance between well-off people and disadvantage people.
Another reason is that the economic policies have more partiality for the rich than the poor. In more details, tax structures and government policies favor the wealthy, this leads to greater wealth accumulation for those at the top, while reducing support for the lower-income groups. An effective method that should be implemented to tackle this issue is that governments should invest in public services and propose policies to redistribute the wealth. For example, they can increase fundings for public health care services and services to enhance sustainable communities. Obviously, equality of life possibly makes the society more healthy and friendly.
In conclusion, illiteracy and unequal financial programmes are two culprits behind the problem. I believe that if the solutions mentioned above were implemented effectively, the problem would be alleviated.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is increasing space" -> "There is a growing disparity"
Explanation: "There is a growing disparity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the increasing gap between the wealthy and the less fortunate, aligning better with academic style.
"the less fortunate" -> "those of lower socioeconomic status"
Explanation: "Those of lower socioeconomic status" is a more specific and formal term that avoids the colloquial tone of "the less fortunate."
"some solutions can be taken" -> "certain measures can be implemented"
Explanation: "Certain measures can be implemented" is more formal and precise, suggesting a proactive and intentional approach to addressing the issue.
"people acquiring high quality education" -> "individuals with high-quality education"
Explanation: "Individuals with high-quality education" is a more formal and concise way to describe those who have received quality education.
"easily receive more job opportunities" -> "are more likely to secure better job opportunities"
Explanation: "Are more likely to secure better job opportunities" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the probability and quality of the opportunities.
"affluent manufacturer" -> "affluent industries"
Explanation: "Affluent industries" is a more accurate term, as "manufacturer" is too specific and "industries" encompasses a broader range of sectors.
"improve access to quality education" -> "enhance access to quality education"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "improve," fitting better in an academic context.
"educational sponsorships" -> "educational scholarships"
Explanation: "Educational scholarships" is a more specific and formal term, commonly used in academic and educational contexts.
"improve literacy attribute to" -> "improves literacy contributes to"
Explanation: "Improves literacy contributes to" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal verb form.
"disadvantage people" -> "disadvantaged individuals"
Explanation: "Disadvantaged individuals" is a more formal and precise term, avoiding the awkward construction of "disadvantage people."
"economic policies have more partiality" -> "economic policies exhibit bias"
Explanation: "Exhibit bias" is a more precise and formal way to describe the unfair treatment in economic policies.
"In more details" -> "In greater detail"
Explanation: "In greater detail" is the correct phrase for providing additional information in a formal academic context.
"increase fundings" -> "increase funding"
Explanation: "Increase funding" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the plural form "fundings."
"equality of life" -> "social equality"
Explanation: "Social equality" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the concept of equal opportunities and treatment in society.
"equality of life possibly makes the society more healthy and friendly" -> "social equality could lead to a healthier and more harmonious society"
Explanation: "Social equality could lead to a healthier and more harmonious society" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes (education disparities and biased economic policies) and suggesting solutions (investment in education and public services). However, the exploration of the causes could be more comprehensive. For instance, while the essay mentions education disparities, it does not delve into other potential factors such as globalization or technological advancements that also contribute to the widening gap.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should aim to identify and discuss a broader range of causes. Including additional factors such as globalization or the impact of technology on job markets would provide a more well-rounded answer. Furthermore, ensuring that each cause is matched with a corresponding solution would strengthen the overall coherence of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the gap between the rich and poor is a significant issue that can be addressed through specific measures. However, the conclusion could be clearer in reiterating the main points discussed. Phrases like "illiteracy and unequal financial programmes" could be better articulated to reflect the complexity of the issues discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and solutions presented in the essay. Using clearer language and avoiding vague terms will help reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the importance of education and the need for equitable economic policies. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened. For example, while the essay mentions "educational sponsorships," it does not provide specific examples or data to illustrate how such programs have been effective in similar contexts.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. This would not only enhance the credibility of the arguments but also provide a more persuasive narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions related to the wealth gap. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly vague or convoluted, such as "illiteracy and unequal financial programmes," which could lead to confusion about how these directly relate to the wealth gap.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should ensure that all language used is precise and directly related to the topic. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each point clearly ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of expression, and the use of specific supporting examples. By broadening the discussion of causes, strengthening the support for ideas, and ensuring clarity in language, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific cause of the widening gap between the rich and the poor, followed by proposed solutions. For instance, the first paragraph discusses educational disparities, while the second focuses on economic policies. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the connection between education and economic policies is not explicitly stated, which can lead to a slight disjoint in the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that link the causes and solutions more explicitly. For instance, after discussing educational disparities, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to education, economic policies also play a crucial role in perpetuating inequality." This would create a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph more effectively. The concluding paragraph, while summarizing the main points, could also reinforce the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each body paragraph to clearly state the main idea. For example, instead of starting with "One cause of the growing class division is the education disparities," you might say, "Educational disparities are a significant contributor to the widening gap between the wealthy and the poor." Additionally, in the conclusion, reiterate how the proposed solutions directly address the causes discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "To illustrate," and "In conclusion." These help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For instance, the phrase "this leads to greater wealth accumulation for those at the top" could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to introduce new points, and consider using "Consequently" or "As a result" to show cause and effect more clearly. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a way that enhances the flow of ideas rather than interrupting it.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "disparities," "affluent," and "redistribute." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the term "wealthy" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "wealthy," alternatives such as "rich," "affluent," or "prosperous" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to economic issues, such as "income inequality," "socioeconomic status," or "financial disparity," would elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "improve literacy attribute to shortening the distance" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The term "attribute" is misused here, leading to confusion about the intended meaning. Additionally, the phrase "economic policies have more partiality for the rich" could be more accurately expressed as "economic policies tend to favor the wealthy."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of using vague terms, opt for more specific language that clearly conveys the intended meaning. For example, revise "improve literacy attribute to shortening the distance" to "improving literacy can help bridge the gap between the wealthy and the disadvantaged." This not only clarifies the message but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fundings" (should be "funding") and "disadvantage people" (should be "disadvantaged people"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future writing tasks.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion, reflecting a more sophisticated and precise use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "To be more specific" and "Moreover, they also invest in professional development for teachers" show an attempt to connect ideas and elaborate on points. However, there are areas where sentence structures could be more varied. The use of phrases like "One cause of the growing class division is" and "Another reason is that" could be diversified to avoid repetitive sentence openings.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "One cause" or "Another reason," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "Given the disparities in education…" or "While economic policies tend to favor the wealthy…" This will not only diversify sentence openings but also create more complex sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the education disparities among people in poverty and ethnic minorities" could be more clearly expressed as "the educational disparities faced by people in poverty and ethnic minorities." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of a dash in "lower – income backgrounds" and the comma splice in "In more details, tax structures and government policies favor the wealthy, this leads to greater wealth accumulation." These errors can confuse readers and disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect punctuation. For example, the phrase "improve literacy attribute to shortening the distance" should be revised to "improving literacy contributes to shortening the gap." Additionally, ensure that sentences are properly connected; consider using conjunctions or breaking long sentences into shorter, clearer ones to avoid comma splices. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct recurring mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will enhance clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing disparity between the wealthy and the less fortunate in many countries around the world. While several reasons contribute to this phenomenon, certain measures can be implemented to improve the situation.

One cause of the increasing class division is the educational disparities among individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and ethnic minorities. To be more specific, those acquiring high-quality education are more likely to secure better job opportunities from affluent industries and boost their potential earnings. To mitigate this problem, governments should invest in education and vocational training programs to enhance access to quality education for individuals with lower-income backgrounds. For instance, schools and local authorities might encourage children to study persistently through educational scholarships. Moreover, they should also invest in professional development for teachers, focusing on culturally responsive teaching and strategies to engage students from diverse backgrounds. It is clear that improving literacy contributes to narrowing the gap between well-off individuals and disadvantaged individuals.

Another reason for this widening gap is that economic policies exhibit bias in favor of the rich rather than the poor. In greater detail, tax structures and government policies often favor the wealthy, leading to greater wealth accumulation for those at the top while reducing support for lower-income groups. An effective method that should be implemented to tackle this issue is for governments to invest in public services and propose policies aimed at redistributing wealth. For example, they can increase funding for public healthcare services and initiatives to enhance sustainable communities. Obviously, social equality could lead to a healthier and more harmonious society.

In conclusion, educational disparities and biased financial policies are two significant culprits behind this problem. I believe that if the solutions mentioned above are implemented effectively, the situation could be alleviated.