The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems.

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems.

In contemporary life, the difference between the wealthy and the poor is becoming more distinctive that ever before. This is largely due to the notably huge gap between these two groups. This phenomenon arises from various factors that can be identified and solutions must be adopted to resolve this problem.
There are two main causes leading to this circumstance. First of all, gaining less access to comprehensive education than the rich has always been a challenging obstacle towards the people living in poverty. With deficient income, poor residents are not capable of affording tuitions in schools or universities as the rich, they have less opportunities to be exposed of general knowledge or instructions to establish a successful career as a result. Secondly, those facing with financial struggles tend to live and being raised under abject environment in that their absolute behavior and attitudes tend to be shaped on the wrong track. This reduces dramatically the effectiveness of socializing, let alone having stable jobs. For example, if someone has severely suffered from domestic violence they will normally not be able to do the jobs requiring teamwork because of lacking in belief for co-workers.
To bring this problem to an end, measures must be implemented properly. Authorities need to consider declining the expenses for education so that everyone could acquire education equally. For instance, schools can reduce labors doing chores such as cleaning and arranging, they can have students do these works in particular time instead. In terms of living standard, only if the government pays more attention in providing aids and helping residents out of poverty, will the poor be conscious of their problems as well as adjust the ways they are living. For example, being supporting bare necessities, the poor will no longer struggle with the need to committee crimes to make ends meet in that having chances to change positively their life.
In conclusion, the proximity between the rich and the poor is caused by the lack of education and living in miserable qualities. This situation can be prevented by reducing educational expenses and providing daily necessaries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "that ever before" -> "than ever before"
    Explanation: The correct phrase is "than ever before" to indicate a comparison between the contemporary situation and the past. "That ever before" is grammatically incorrect in this context.

  2. "notably huge" -> "significantly large"
    Explanation: Replacing "notably huge" with "significantly large" maintains a formal tone and uses a more precise adjective to describe the gap between the wealthy and the poor.

  3. "tuitions" -> "tuition"
    Explanation: The word "tuitions" is incorrect; the correct form is "tuition" when referring to the cost of education. This change ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone.

  4. "exposed of" -> "exposed to"
    Explanation: The correct preposition to use with "exposed" in this context is "to," not "of." "Exposed to" is the appropriate phrase here.

  5. "being raised under abject environment" -> "being raised in abject conditions"
    Explanation: The phrase "under abject environment" is awkward; replacing it with "in abject conditions" is more grammatically correct and maintains formality.

  6. "absolute behavior" -> "behavioral patterns"
    Explanation: "Absolute behavior" is unclear and imprecise. Using "behavioral patterns" provides a more accurate and formal description of how individuals are influenced by their environment.

  7. "tend to live and being raised" -> "tend to be raised and live"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for proper grammar: "tend to be raised and live under abject environments."

  8. "on the wrong track" -> "in the wrong direction"
    Explanation: "On the wrong track" is colloquial; replacing it with "in the wrong direction" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  9. "reduces dramatically the effectiveness" -> "dramatically reduces the effectiveness"
    Explanation: Adjusting the word order for proper syntax: "dramatically reduces the effectiveness."

  10. "doing chores such as cleaning and arranging" -> "performing tasks such as cleaning and organizing"
    Explanation: "Doing chores" can be made more formal by using "performing tasks" and specifying the tasks as "cleaning and organizing."

  11. "they can have students do these works" -> "students can be assigned these tasks"
    Explanation: Using a passive construction for formality: "students can be assigned these tasks."

  12. "in that" -> "because"
    Explanation: "Because" is a more formal and precise way to indicate causation in this context than the informal "in that."

  13. "declining the expenses for education" -> "reducing educational expenses"
    Explanation: "Reducing educational expenses" is a more formal and appropriate expression for addressing the issue of cost.

  14. "being supporting bare necessities" -> "receiving support for basic necessities"
    Explanation: "Being supporting bare necessities" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "receiving support for basic necessities" maintains clarity and formality.

  15. "committee crimes" -> "commit crimes"
    Explanation: "Committee crimes" is a mistake; the correct phrase is "commit crimes." Removing the extra ‘tee’ ensures accuracy.

  16. "as well as adjust the ways" -> "and adjust their ways"
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression for clarity and formality: "and adjust their ways."

  17. "conscious of their problems" -> "aware of their challenges"
    Explanation: "Conscious of their problems" can be replaced with "aware of their challenges" for a more formal and precise expression.

  18. "providing daily necessaries" -> "providing basic necessities"
    Explanation: "Daily necessaries" is informal; using "basic necessities" is more appropriate in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation:
      The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the problems arising from the widening gap between the rich and the poor and proposing solutions to mitigate these issues. The problems of limited education access and the impact of impoverished living conditions are identified as causes. However, the analysis could be more nuanced, with specific examples to illustrate these points.

    • How to improve:
      To enhance completeness, provide concrete examples illustrating the challenges faced by the poor in accessing education and the detrimental effects of impoverished living conditions. This would add depth to the analysis and make the response more comprehensive.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation:
      The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, emphasizing the importance of reducing educational expenses and providing daily necessities to bridge the wealth gap. However, the expression of these ideas could be more assertive and explicit to strengthen the overall clarity of the position.

    • How to improve:
      Strengthen the thesis statement to explicitly state the proposed solutions for addressing the wealth gap. Emphasize the importance of these solutions in a more assertive manner to enhance the overall clarity and consistency of the position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation:
      The essay presents ideas, but the development lacks depth and specificity. While it mentions the causes and solutions, providing more detailed examples and elaboration would strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.

    • How to improve:
      Extend the discussion by offering specific examples to support each point. For instance, elaborate on how reduced educational expenses can be achieved or provide real-world examples of successful poverty alleviation programs. This will add depth and credibility to the essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation:
      The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the problems and solutions related to the wealth gap. However, some sentences lack coherence and might slightly deviate from the main focus.

    • How to improve:
      Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the discussion of the wealth gap. Eliminate any unnecessary or tangential information to maintain a clear and focused essay structure.

In conclusion, the essay adequately addresses the prompt but could benefit from more specific examples and a more assertive presentation of ideas. Strengthening the analysis and providing detailed support will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction presents the issue and the causes effectively. The body paragraphs discuss the causes and solutions in a clear sequence. However, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, impacting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to connect ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for clarity.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to structure ideas, but there are instances where the unity within paragraphs could be improved. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the lack of education and the impact of living conditions. It would be more effective to separate these ideas into distinct paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single main idea. This will not only improve coherence but also make the essay more reader-friendly. In this case, consider dedicating one paragraph to the lack of education and another to the impact of living conditions.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "first of all," "secondly," "for example"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and subtlety of cohesive devices. The repetitive use of certain phrases diminishes the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms and varied sentence structures. This will make the essay more engaging and cohesive. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "For example," consider using alternatives like "To illustrate" or "As an illustration" to add variety.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs, improvements in the use of transitions and cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a singular focus, use diverse transition words, and vary your cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, some repetition occurs, and certain expressions lack precision. For instance, the phrase "notably huge gap" could be refined for greater specificity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, strive for more precise and diverse expressions. Instead of generic phrases, consider specific terms that convey the intended meaning with nuance. For example, replace "notably huge gap" with "stark economic disparity."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary. For instance, the phrase "absolute behavior" is unclear and could be replaced with a more accurate term. Furthermore, the use of "labors" in the context of chores is imprecise; a term like "tasks" would be more fitting.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity and specificity in word choice. Define abstract terms and opt for more accurate alternatives. In this case, consider replacing "absolute behavior" with a more specific term such as "fundamental behavior" and use "tasks" instead of "labors" when referring to chores.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable. However, there are a few instances, such as "tuitions" (should be "tuition") and "committee crimes" (likely intended as "commit crimes"), where errors occur.
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spell-check tools to enhance accuracy. Be attentive to commonly misspelled words, ensuring they are correctly spelled throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and spelling accuracy. Strive for more varied and nuanced expressions, ensure clarity in vocabulary choices, and conduct thorough proofreading to enhance overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly employs simple sentence structures, with limited variety in sentence types. For instance, there is an overuse of basic sentence structures like subject-verb-object constructions, diminishing the overall variety. Additionally, the essay lacks complexity in its use of conjunctions, subordinating clauses, and compound sentences.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a more diverse set of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences, use varied conjunctions, and experiment with different sentence types (e.g., compound and compound-complex sentences). This will contribute to a more sophisticated and engaging writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates adequate grammatical control, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the sentence "This phenomenon arises from various factors that can be identified and solutions must be adopted to resolve this problem," the use of "that can be identified and solutions must be adopted" is grammatically unclear. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and inconsistent verb tenses.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement and maintaining consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. Carefully proofread to identify and rectify awkward phrasing and unclear constructions. Consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to ensure a more polished and error-free final draft.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. Implementing these suggestions will contribute to a more sophisticated and coherent essay, potentially elevating the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, the distinction between the wealthy and the poor is becoming more noticeable than ever before. This significant disparity stems from a notably large gap between these two groups, presenting various challenges that require thoughtful solutions.

Two primary factors contribute to this widening gap. Firstly, limited access to comprehensive education poses a significant obstacle for those living in poverty. Due to insufficient income, individuals with fewer financial resources struggle to afford tuition in schools or universities, limiting their exposure to general knowledge and hindering their ability to establish successful careers. Secondly, individuals facing financial struggles often grow up in abject conditions, where their behaviors and attitudes tend to be shaped in the wrong direction. This dramatically reduces their effectiveness in socializing and obtaining stable employment. For instance, someone who has experienced severe domestic violence may struggle to collaborate in team-oriented tasks due to a lack of trust in co-workers.

To address this issue, effective measures must be implemented. Authorities should consider reducing educational expenses to ensure equal access to education for everyone. For example, schools can assign tasks such as cleaning and organizing to students during specific times, thereby reducing the need for additional labor. Additionally, in terms of living standards, governments should focus on providing support and assistance to residents facing poverty. By offering aid and addressing basic necessities, the poor become more aware of their challenges and can adjust their ways of living positively. This approach reduces the likelihood of resorting to criminal activities to meet their basic needs.

In conclusion, the widening gap between the rich and the poor is primarily caused by limited access to education and living in challenging conditions. This situation can be mitigated by reducing educational expenses and ensuring the provision of daily necessities to support positive changes in the lives of individuals facing financial hardships.

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