The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems? Write at least 250 words

The gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide, as rich people become
richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address those problems?
Write at least 250 words

Nowadays, every nation’s population is increasing dramatically. So the increase in inequality between the poor and the rich in the world is becoming wider. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to solve the problem.
There are two main reasons why a needy are being poorer. Firstly, the rich-poor gap could be affecting the economic growth. Currently, a large number of unemployed and low-income workers will directly affect domestic business. For example, they do not enough money to buy products so closure will occur, making workers unemployed. Secondly, they impact on security of the people of a country or the whole world. Some people are so indigent, they will start committing crimes, robbery. Therefore, social evils will be initiated from here.
Some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem of the two classes in society is increasing. One step is that governments should expand educational opportunities for all dwellers to reduce this gap between the affluent and hard up. The authorities should provide scholarships to help children have the opportunity for to continue their education. Another essential measure is the government should provide more daily support accounts to increase the quality of life and maintain the education of poor families. For example, they can support rice, bread, food, and money for families in difficult circumstances.
In summary, the rich become richer but the poor become poorer this problem is based on the fact that it is hard for the poor to get a good education. Nevertheless, providing free education can solve these issues easily.

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Errors and Improvements:

"every nation’s population is increasing dramatically" -> "the population of every nation is increasing significantly"
Explanation: Replacing "dramatically" with "significantly" maintains the emphasis on the increase while adopting a more formal and precise term.
"the increase in inequality between the poor and the rich in the world is becoming wider" -> "the widening gap in inequality between the impoverished and the affluent globally"
Explanation: "Becoming wider" is replaced with "widening gap in inequality" for a more formal and descriptive phrase, aligning better with academic style.
"There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon" -> "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon"
Explanation: "There are a number of" is replaced with "several factors" for conciseness and to enhance formality.
"a needy are being poorer" -> "the impoverished are becoming even poorer"
Explanation: "A needy" is replaced with "the impoverished" for more formal and accurate terminology.
"do not enough money" -> "do not have sufficient funds"
Explanation: "Enough money" is replaced with "sufficient funds" for a more formal expression.
"closure will occur" -> "business closures will result"
Explanation: "Closure will occur" is replaced with "business closures will result" for a more precise and formal construction.
"impact on security of the people" -> "affect the security of the populace"
Explanation: "Impact on security of the people" is replaced with "affect the security of the populace" for a more formal and sophisticated phrasing.
"Some people are so indigent" -> "Certain individuals are extremely impoverished"
Explanation: "Some people are so indigent" is replaced with "certain individuals are extremely impoverished" for a more formal and precise expression.
"social evils will be initiated from here" -> "this may lead to the proliferation of social ills"
Explanation: "Social evils will be initiated from here" is replaced with "this may lead to the proliferation of social ills" for a more formal and academic tone.
"Some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem" -> "Various measures should be implemented to alleviate the issue"
Explanation: "Some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem" is replaced with "Various measures should be implemented to alleviate the issue" for a more formal and precise expression.
"for all dwellers" -> "for all residents"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is replaced with "residents" for a more formal and appropriate term.
"children have the opportunity for to continue their education" -> "children have the opportunity to pursue their education"
Explanation: "To continue their education" is replaced with "to pursue their education" for a more concise and formal phrasing.
"Another essential measure is the government should provide more daily support accounts" -> "Another essential measure involves governments providing increased daily support allowances"
Explanation: "The government should provide more daily support accounts" is replaced with "governments providing increased daily support allowances" for a more formal and clear expression.
"For example, they can support rice, bread, food, and money" -> "For instance, this support may include provisions such as rice, bread, and financial aid"
Explanation: "They can support rice, bread, food, and money" is replaced with "this support may include provisions such as rice, bread, and financial aid" for a more formal and detailed explanation.
"the rich become richer but the poor become poorer" -> "the rich grow richer while the poor become more impoverished"
Explanation: "The rich become richer but the poor become poorer" is replaced with "the rich grow richer while the poor become more impoverished" for a more formal and precise expression.
"this problem is based on the fact that it is hard for the poor to get a good education" -> "this issue stems from the difficulty impoverished individuals face in accessing quality education"
Explanation: "This problem is based on the fact that it is hard for the poor to get a good education" is replaced with "this issue stems from the difficulty impoverished individuals face in accessing quality education" for a more formal and explanatory phrasing.
"Nevertheless, providing free education can solve these issues easily." -> "However, offering free education can effectively address these challenges."
Explanation: "Nevertheless, providing free education can solve these issues easily" is replaced with "However, offering free education can effectively address these challenges" for a more formal and assertive conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the prompt by discussing the problems arising from the widening gap between the rich and the poor and suggesting solutions to mitigate these issues. However, the analysis lacks depth and specificity, and the solutions provided are somewhat superficial.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the problems caused by income inequality, providing specific examples and possibly exploring additional consequences. Additionally, the solutions proposed need to be more comprehensive and supported with concrete strategies.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance on the issue of income inequality, acknowledging its negative impact and advocating for solutions to address it.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from stronger and more nuanced arguments to bolster its stance. Providing more detailed analysis and evidence would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes and consequences of income inequality, such as its effects on economic growth and social stability. However, these ideas are underdeveloped and lack sufficient elaboration and support.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should extend its ideas by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. This could involve discussing various dimensions of income inequality and exploring its impact on different aspects of society in greater depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay broadly addresses the topic of income inequality and its consequences, it occasionally veers off track, such as when discussing the impact of population growth.
- How to improve: To stay more focused on the topic, the essay should avoid tangential discussions and maintain a clear connection to the prompt throughout. Ensuring that all points directly relate to the issue of income inequality and its effects will improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and focus on the topic. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the effectiveness and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization by presenting reasons and solutions to the problem of increasing inequality between the rich and the poor. However, the coherence is weakened by abrupt transitions between ideas and a lack of clear progression in the argument. For instance, the essay jumps from discussing economic impacts to social consequences without establishing a smooth connection between them. Furthermore, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a cohesive ending to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should employ clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, using transition words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion" can help create smoother connections between ideas and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize its content, but the structure and effectiveness of these paragraphs are inconsistent. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the issue, but they lack coherence within themselves and fail to develop ideas adequately. For instance, the paragraph discussing reasons for increasing inequality lacks sufficient elaboration and examples to support its claims.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the essay should focus on developing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph that introduces the main idea. Then, it should provide relevant examples and evidence to support the argument and ensure that each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall discussion. Additionally, considering the use of transitional phrases to connect paragraphs can enhance the flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion. While some attempts are made to link ideas together (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "In summary"), these are used inconsistently and do not effectively guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs, leading to disjointed and fragmented writing.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the essay should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. For example, using pronouns like "this" or "these" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence within paragraphs. Moreover, employing transitional phrases such as "As a result," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" can improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, creating a more cohesive and unified essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating words and phrases such as "needy," "indigent," "mitigate," "affluent," and "hard up." However, the vocabulary lacks diversity and depth. For instance, there is a repetition of terms like "poor" and "rich," and certain expressions could be more varied or sophisticated.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for a wider variety of vocabulary. Instead of frequently using generic terms like "poor" and "rich," try incorporating synonyms or more nuanced descriptors. Additionally, aim for more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes employs vocabulary precisely, such as in the use of "economic growth," "unemployed," and "social evils." However, there are instances where imprecise vocabulary detracts from clarity or accuracy, like "indigent" (which is less commonly used and may not fit the context as well) and "rich-poor gap" (which could be replaced with more specific terminology).
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely communicates your intended meaning. When selecting words, consider their suitability in context and whether they accurately convey your message. Avoid overly complex or obscure terms unless they add clarity or depth to your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "a needy are" (should be "the needy are"), "closure" instead of "closures," "indigent" instead of "indigence," "evils" instead of "evil," and "hard up" instead of "hard-up." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall polish and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers, proofreading your work thoroughly, and expanding your vocabulary to reduce reliance on potentially misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can help reinforce correct usage and improve overall proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of sentence structures, primarily simple and compound sentences. There is minimal use of complex or compound-complex structures. For instance, simple sentences like "Nowadays, every nation’s population is increasing dramatically" dominate the introduction, with occasional use of compound sentences such as "There are two main reasons why the needy are becoming poorer."
- How to improve: To enhance variety, incorporate more complex sentence structures such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and conditional sentences. This would not only diversify the essay’s structure but also add depth and coherence to ideas. For example, instead of solely using simple sentences in the introduction, consider introducing the topic with a complex sentence that encapsulates the essay’s main idea and sets up a clear thesis statement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of grammar and punctuation, though there are notable errors. For instance, issues with subject-verb agreement ("a needy are being poorer") and incorrect article usage ("a large number of unemployed and low-income workers will directly affect domestic business") are present. Punctuation errors include missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect usage of capitalization ("Some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem of the two classes in society is increasing").
- How to improve: To improve accuracy, focus on practicing correct subject-verb agreement consistently throughout the essay. Review the use of articles (a, an, the) and ensure they align correctly with nouns. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage in compound sentences to separate independent clauses properly. For instance, revise sentences for clarity and accuracy, ensuring capitalization is used correctly in sentences like "Some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem of the increasing gap between the two classes in society."

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates its ideas and maintains coherence, enhancing sentence structure variety and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation would elevate the essay to a higher band score. By integrating more complex sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the essay would exhibit greater fluency and sophistication, thereby enhancing its overall impact and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the population of every nation is increasing significantly, exacerbating the widening gap between the rich and the poor. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon, leading to various problems that affect both individuals and society as a whole. However, there are actionable solutions to address these challenges.

One significant problem arising from the disparity between the rich and the poor is its adverse impact on economic growth. The impoverished, who constitute a large portion of the population, often lack sufficient funds to contribute to domestic businesses. As a result, business closures may ensue, leading to unemployment among workers. Furthermore, the impoverished, struggling to make ends meet, may resort to criminal activities such as robbery, thereby affecting the security of the populace. This may lead to the proliferation of social ills, creating a cycle of poverty and crime.

To mitigate these issues, various measures should be implemented. Firstly, governments should prioritize expanding educational opportunities for all residents, irrespective of their socioeconomic background. By providing scholarships and financial aid, children from disadvantaged families can have the opportunity to pursue their education, ultimately bridging the gap between the affluent and the impoverished. Additionally, governments should consider providing increased daily support allowances to alleviate the financial burden on poor families. This support may include provisions such as rice, bread, and financial aid, ensuring basic necessities are met and enhancing the quality of life for those in need.

In conclusion, the widening gap between the rich and the poor poses significant problems for society. However, by addressing underlying issues such as access to education and financial support, it is possible to mitigate these challenges effectively. It is imperative that governments and communities work together to implement these solutions and create a more equitable society where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.