The given maps illustrate the differences in the working space between a typical Japanese and American office.

The given maps illustrate the differences in the working space between a typical Japanese and American office.

The given maps illustrate the differences in the working space between a typical Japanese and American office. The two floor plans give insights about the exterior and interior features of these office types.
Overall, the major difference of the two office types is in the working area. The US type is more open and filled with conveniences whereas with the Japanese one, it is more closed and hierarchically arranged for management purpose.
At the first glance, we can see that with the American office, natural lighting is being prioritized by having two windows whereas in the Japanese office, there is only one window behind the Department Manager’s desk. This can help reduce the installment of electric light and an environment for creativity. Moreover, offices in Japan are less accessible given the fact that they only have two doors for entry and exit while their American counterpart designs the office with four entries and exits so as to centralize the main working space.
Speaking of the interior, there is a main difference in these two types of offices. When working in an American company, employee’s working stations are divided into separated cubicles for maximum concentration and privacy whereas in Japanese firms, workers will sit directly face to face in desks rather than cubicles. These different approaches have their own advantages and flaws. The Japanese way can have more space to house more employees, albeit there is no privacy as in the American’s cubicles. Different managers will be distinguished by their seating area in Japanese office space. Section managers are expected to sit with their subordinate to oversee the work while the department manager’s desk will be located in the top area to supervise the whole office. However in a typical American space, section managers and general managers are designated to have their own dedicated office, although the higher manager will generally have a bigger office. Last but not least, American offices truly focus on convenience by utilizing the space to have several different amenities such as sections for printing, copying, a storage area and room for conferences.

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "insights about" -> "insights into"
    Explanation: Replacing "insights about" with "insights into" is more idiomatic. "Insights into" is commonly used to convey a deeper understanding of a subject, in this case, the exterior and interior features of office spaces.

  2. "difference of the two office types" -> "difference between the two office types"
    Explanation: "Difference between the two office types" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase. It clarifies the comparison between the Japanese and American offices.

  3. "having two windows whereas in" -> "featuring two windows, while in"
    Explanation: Using "featuring" instead of "having" adds variety to the language. Additionally, the conjunction "while" enhances the coherence of the sentence.

  4. "reduce the installment of electric light" -> "minimize the reliance on artificial lighting"
    Explanation: "Minimize the reliance on artificial lighting" provides a more sophisticated expression, conveying the idea of reducing the need for electric light in a nuanced manner.

  5. "less accessible given the fact that" -> "less accessible due to the fact that"
    Explanation: "Less accessible due to the fact that" is a more formal and grammatically correct phrase, enhancing the overall tone of the sentence.

  6. "worker’s working stations" -> "employees’ workstations"
    Explanation: "Employees’ workstations" is a more precise and standard way of referring to the places where employees work, avoiding the unnecessary possessive form and improving clarity.

  7. "cubicles for maximum concentration and privacy" -> "cubicles for enhanced concentration and privacy"
    Explanation: "Enhanced concentration and privacy" conveys a more positive and refined tone compared to "maximum concentration and privacy."

  8. "have more space to house more employees" -> "accommodate a larger number of employees"
    Explanation: "Accommodate a larger number of employees" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of providing space for a greater number of workers.

  9. "Section managers are expected to sit with their subordinate" -> "Section managers are expected to sit with their subordinates"
    Explanation: The plural form "subordinates" is more grammatically accurate in this context, as it correctly matches with the plural noun "managers."

  10. "dedicated office, although the higher manager" -> "dedicated office; however, the higher-level manager"
    Explanation: Using a semicolon and restructuring the sentence with "however" improves the flow and coherence. Additionally, "higher-level manager" is a more precise term.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task, providing a clear overview of the main trends and differences between a typical Japanese and American office. The major difference in working space is well-highlighted, focusing on the open and convenient nature of American offices compared to the closed and hierarchically arranged Japanese offices. The essay also touches upon key features, such as natural lighting and accessibility, to support the comparison.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay, consider providing more details and examples to fully extend key features and bullet points. For instance, elaborate on the advantages and flaws of the different approaches to office layout in both cultures. Additionally, ensure that the details provided are relevant and accurate, avoiding any potential inaccuracies in the description of office features.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information with clear progression throughout. The writer effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, though there is some slight overuse. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear. Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to Improve: While the essay generally meets the Band 7 criteria, there is some slight overuse of cohesive devices. The writer should focus on a more balanced use of these devices. Additionally, ensuring that the central topic within each paragraph is consistently clear will further enhance coherence. Finally, attention to minor grammar and word choice issues would elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "hierarchically arranged," "albeit," and "installment," contributing to a moderate level of lexical resource. The essay displays some awareness of style and collocation, with phrases like "at the first glance" and "prioritized by having two windows." There are occasional errors in word choice, such as "installment" instead of "use of electric light," and in collocation, as in "environment for creativity." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively communicates the differences in working spaces between Japanese and American offices.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer could focus on refining word choice and collocation. Additionally, attention to accuracy in terminology, such as using "use of electric light" instead of "installment," will contribute to a more precise expression of ideas. Expanding the range of less common lexical items and maintaining consistency in style and collocation will further strengthen the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation with frequent error-free sentences. The range of structures is satisfactory, incorporating complex sentences. The writer effectively conveys the differences between Japanese and American offices, utilizing a mix of sentence forms. However, there are some grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall accuracy.

How to improve:

  1. Grammatical Accuracy: Review the essay for minor grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. For instance, in the sentence "Section managers are expected to sit with their subordinate," it should be "subordinates."

  2. Clarity of Expression: Ensure that complex sentences are structured for optimal clarity. In some instances, the sentence structure could be refined to enhance readability. For example, the phrase "Different managers will be distinguished by their seating area in Japanese office space" could be rephrased for clearer expression.

  3. Consistency in Tense: Maintain consistency in the use of tenses throughout the essay. There are instances where the tense shifts, affecting the overall flow. For instance, from "Speaking of the interior" to "These different approaches have their own advantages and flaws," there is a shift from present to past tense that could be streamlined.

Overall, the essay is well-organized, providing a clear comparison of Japanese and American offices. With minor refinements to grammar, phrasing, and tense consistency, it could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is an improved version of the given report while maintaining the original data points and aligning with the student’s English proficiency level:

The provided diagrams compare the layout disparities between a typical Japanese and American office environment. These visual representations delineate both exterior and interior aspects of these workplaces.

Primarily, the key divergence between these office models lies in their spatial arrangements. The American office appears more open and furnished with modern conveniences, whereas the Japanese counterpart adopts a more enclosed and hierarchical design tailored for managerial purposes.

A cursory examination reveals the prioritization of natural lighting in the American office, evidenced by two windows, as opposed to the Japanese office that features only one window located behind the Department Manager’s desk. This emphasis on natural light not only diminishes reliance on electric illumination but also fosters an environment conducive to creativity. Additionally, accessibility differs notably; the American office designates four entry and exit points, centralizing the primary workspace, while the Japanese office is limited to two such access points.

Regarding the interior layout, a fundamental disparity emerges between these office paradigms. In American companies, employee workstations are compartmentalized into cubicles, ensuring maximal concentration and privacy. Conversely, in Japanese firms, employees sit facing each other at desks, lacking the privacy afforded by American-style cubicles. While the Japanese approach allows for greater space utilization to accommodate more employees, it compromises individual privacy—an aspect prominent in American office setups.

Distinct managerial seating arrangements further differentiate the two office cultures. In Japanese offices, section managers are situated among their subordinates to supervise work, while the Department Manager’s desk typically occupies an elevated position, overseeing the entire office. Conversely, in American offices, section and general managers are allotted separate dedicated offices, albeit the senior manager usually enjoys a larger office space.

Finally, the emphasis on convenience in American offices is evident through the integration of diverse amenities within the workspace, such as designated areas for printing, copying, storage, and conference rooms.

In conclusion, the depicted illustrations vividly highlight the contrasting features of Japanese and American office spaces, showcasing varying approaches to spatial design, managerial hierarchy, and privacy considerations.

Please let me know if there are specific areas you’d like me to focus on or any further assistance you require!

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