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The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress.

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress.

Education is crucial for everyone which includes many subjects such as mathematic, physic, chemistry, biology and literature. In present, science is a significant aspect considered very important by numerous countries. As a result, I believe its subjects should be invested rather than other subjects at school so as to develop and progress the industrial feature increasingly.
Nowadays, students learned lots of subjects at school, some of them involve with science. Not like the others, science subjects have their own engage that most of students are eager to learn and explore. But some lessons require experiments for students to totally understand them. Consequently, these experiments acquire materials and specialized equipments with high prices, and not all of schools or universities can meet those demands. That may lead to few misunderstandings and worse cause the knowledge gap for students.
Additionally, people usually desire the results, the goals acchieved when they learn something. Pure theory can’t give them satisfaction without experiments. For example, in the chemistry class, students couldn’t imagine the chemical reactions through books, they have to observe them in laboratory to comprehend the knowledge. Moreover, the safety in workroom has to be ensured with quality accessories such as gloves, glasses, test tube, and other relevant equipments. Without supporting from government, I think scientific education will disappear and the world’s growth would stop.
In conclusion, the future of whole world depends on young generation and sciences should be more funding to keep countries developing increasingly.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "mathematic, physic, chemistry" -> "mathematics, physics, chemistry"
    Explanation: Correcting the singular forms "mathematic" and "physic" to the plural forms "mathematics" and "physics" respectively aligns with proper academic language usage.

  2. "considered very important by numerous countries" -> "considered crucial by numerous countries"
    Explanation: Substituting "very important" with "crucial" adds emphasis and conveys a stronger sense of significance, contributing to a more formal tone.

  3. "I believe its subjects should be invested" -> "I believe resources should be allocated to its subjects"
    Explanation: Replacing "invested" with "resources should be allocated" enhances clarity and aligns with a more formal expression of the idea.

  4. "progress the industrial feature" -> "advance the industrial sector"
    Explanation: Changing "progress the industrial feature" to "advance the industrial sector" provides a more precise and formal description of the intended idea.

  5. "Nowadays, students learned lots of subjects" -> "Currently, students learn a multitude of subjects"
    Explanation: Shifting from the past tense "learned" to the present tense "learn" and replacing "lots of" with "a multitude of" contributes to a more formal and precise statement.

  6. "involve with science" -> "related to science"
    Explanation: Substituting "involve with" with "related to" maintains clarity and avoids a less formal phrasing.

  7. "science subjects have their own engage" -> "science subjects have their unique appeal"
    Explanation: Changing "engage" to "unique appeal" provides a more sophisticated and formal expression while retaining the original meaning.

  8. "most of students are eager to learn and explore" -> "a majority of students are eager to learn and explore"
    Explanation: Replacing "most of" with "a majority of" enhances precision, contributing to a more formal and academic tone.

  9. "some lessons require experiments" -> "some lessons involve practical experiments"
    Explanation: Substituting "require experiments" with "involve practical experiments" conveys a more formal and precise description of the lessons.

  10. "acquire materials and specialized equipments" -> "acquire materials and specialized equipment"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form "equipments" to the singular form "equipment" aligns with proper usage.

  11. "experiments acquire materials and specialized equipments with high prices" -> "experiments involve acquiring materials and specialized equipment at high costs"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "at high costs" instead of "with high prices" contributes to a more formal expression.

  12. "may lead to few misunderstandings" -> "may lead to misunderstandings"
    Explanation: Removing "few" before "misunderstandings" maintains a more formal and accurate statement.

  13. "worse cause the knowledge gap for students" -> "worsen the knowledge gap among students"
    Explanation: Changing "worse cause" to "worsen" and restructuring the sentence for clarity improves the formality and precision of the statement.

  14. "the goals acchieved" -> "the goals achieved"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error "acchieved" to "achieved" ensures proper usage.

  15. "Pure theory can’t give them satisfaction without experiments" -> "Pure theory alone cannot provide satisfaction; experiments are essential"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing "can’t" with "cannot" contribute to a more formal and refined expression.

  16. "students couldn’t imagine the chemical reactions through books" -> "students cannot visualize chemical reactions through books"
    Explanation: Changing "couldn’t imagine" to "cannot visualize" maintains a more formal and accurate representation of the idea.

  17. "they have to observe them in laboratory" -> "they have to observe them in the laboratory"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "laboratory" ensures proper usage.

  18. "to comprehend the knowledge" -> "to understand the concepts"
    Explanation: Substituting "comprehend the knowledge" with "understand the concepts" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  19. "the safety in workroom" -> "safety in the workplace"
    Explanation: Changing "workroom" to "workplace" and restructuring the phrase improves formality and clarity.

  20. "supporting from government" -> "government support"
    Explanation: Changing "supporting from government" to "government support" provides a more concise and formal expression.

  21. "scientific education will disappear" -> "scientific education may decline"
    Explanation: Replacing "will disappear" with "may decline" introduces a level of uncertainty, contributing to a more academically cautious tone.

  22. "the world’s growth would stop" -> "global progress could be hindered"
    Explanation: Substituting "the world’s growth would stop" with "global progress could be hindered" maintains formality and adds a nuanced perspective.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the importance of science education and advocating for increased funding in this area. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully analyze the implications of allocating more funding to science as opposed to other subjects. It briefly mentions the importance of other subjects but does not provide a comprehensive exploration of the broader implications.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should thoroughly analyze the consequences of allocating more funding to science, considering potential drawbacks and benefits in comparison to other subjects. Providing specific examples and evidence to support the analysis would strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay expresses a clear position in favor of allocating more funding to science education. However, the clarity is somewhat undermined by language issues and lack of precision in expression. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit in stating the position.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should use precise language and explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, the essay should avoid language issues such as "present, extend, and support ideas" to maintain a professional tone.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the importance of science education, especially through practical experiments. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial, lacking in-depth exploration or elaboration. Specific examples and evidence to support the points are minimal.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the presented ideas, providing specific examples and evidence to support each point. Elaborating on the impact of practical experiments and providing real-world examples would enhance the overall development of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of science education and the need for funding. However, there are instances where the language and expression could be more precise, potentially leading to some ambiguity.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should use precise language and avoid vague expressions. Clearly connecting each paragraph to the central theme of allocating more funding to science will strengthen the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear position on the importance of funding science education, there is room for improvement in addressing all aspects of the prompt, maintaining clarity, developing ideas in greater depth, and ensuring precision in language to enhance overall coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction briefly addresses the importance of education and science. The body paragraphs discuss the challenges related to science education, including the need for experiments and associated costs. The conclusion emphasizes the dependence of the world’s future on the younger generation and the necessity of funding for sciences. However, there is room for improvement in the overall flow. The transition between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion could be smoother to create a more coherent progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the introduction to provide a more explicit thesis statement outlining your stance on the allocation of funds. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, maintaining a clear and logical flow of ideas. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but there is inconsistency in their structure and effectiveness. While the first body paragraph discusses the engagement of students in science, the second focuses on the challenges of conducting experiments. The lack of a clear topic sentence in each paragraph can make it challenging for readers to follow the essay’s progression.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the structure of each paragraph by starting with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph develops a single point coherently. Consider revising the second body paragraph to include a stronger topic sentence that clearly addresses the challenges associated with experiments, creating a more focused and effective paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("Nowadays," "Additionally," "Moreover," "In conclusion"), but their usage is limited. The connections between sentences and ideas could be more robust to improve overall cohesion. Additionally, the essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, impacting the diversity and richness of the text.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of diverse cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each cohesive device serves a clear purpose in guiding the reader through the essay. Consider revising sentence structures to create smoother transitions and coherence between ideas.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It covers various science-related terms such as "mathematics," "physics," "chemistry," and "biology." However, there’s room for improvement as some phrases are repetitive (e.g., "develop and progress") and there’s a lack of diversity in expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "develop and progress," you could incorporate alternatives like "advance" or "evolve." This will contribute to a richer and more varied lexical repertoire.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "industrial feature" is unclear, and the term "acchieved" contains a spelling error. Ensuring precision in your word choices will strengthen the overall clarity of your essay.
    • How to improve: Carefully choose your words to avoid ambiguity. Instead of "industrial feature," consider specifying what aspect of industry you mean. Proofread your work to catch spelling errors like "acchieved" to maintain a professional and accurate tone.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "mathematic" instead of "mathematics," "physic" instead of "physics," and "acchieved" instead of "achieved." These errors impact the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading your essay thoroughly. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch errors. Additionally, make a conscious effort to review commonly misspelled words to enhance your spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly uses simple sentence structures with limited variation. There is an attempt at compound sentences, but they are not consistently employed. The essay lacks complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, which could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve the grammatical range, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures. Introduce compound-complex sentences to express more complex ideas. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions to create more intricate and cohesive sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of grammatical accuracy. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, such as "students learned" should be "students learn." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in some compound sentences. While the essay is generally understandable, these errors affect the overall fluency and precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Proofread for punctuation errors, particularly in compound sentences. Commas are essential for clarity and should be placed where needed to separate clauses or ideas. Consider seeking assistance from grammar resources or proofreading tools to enhance accuracy.

In summary, while the essay communicates its ideas effectively, enhancing the grammatical range and accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing. Introducing varied sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical errors will elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Education is vital for everyone, encompassing subjects like mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, and literature. Currently, science is widely regarded as crucial by numerous countries. I believe that resources should be allocated to its subjects rather than other subjects in schools to advance the industrial sector progressively.

Presently, students learn a multitude of subjects at school, and some of them are related to science. Science subjects have their unique appeal, attracting a majority of students who are eager to learn and explore. However, some lessons involve practical experiments. These experiments require acquiring materials and specialized equipment, incurring high costs. Unfortunately, not all schools or universities can meet these demands, which may lead to misunderstandings and worsen the knowledge gap among students.

Furthermore, achieving goals in education is essential. Pure theory alone cannot provide satisfaction; experiments are essential for a deeper understanding. For instance, in a chemistry class, students cannot visualize chemical reactions through books; they have to observe them in the laboratory to understand the concepts. Moreover, ensuring safety in the workplace is crucial, and this requires government support. Without proper backing, scientific education may decline, and global progress could be hindered.

In conclusion, the future of the whole world depends on the young generation, and sciences should receive more funding to keep countries developing progressively.

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