The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should invest in teaching science subjects rather than other subjects for a country’s development and progress.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many opponents argue that the authorities should invest in teaching science curriculum more than others subjects for a country’s development and progress. From my perspective, I partly agree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, government should prioritize science and teaching it at schools due to technological advancements. With the development of technology, science are plays a vital roles in our lives as it provide a variety of jobs opportunities for students in the future. Access to science subjects allow students to keep up with the development of the world and offer them a wide range of knowledge about it, which could be crucial for students in the future, help them have more chances to pursue their career path thanks to science. Moreover, science also have had an impact on the economy. Since the advance of technology, there are no doubt that the economic of ones countries have a huge demand on technology devices, and study science allow students to enrich their creativity and produce more gadgets, which can directly improve the economy.

While I science is important and schools should invest in teaching it, I believed that others subjects such as history should also include in school’s curriculum. This is because exclusively focus on science and neglect others subjects could not lead the country to progress as every component are all crucial. For example, in Japan, well-known with their development not only about technology but also about their rich in heritage. This is evident that all of the educational institutions in Japan both focus on science and history, make sure that students can both catch up the world development in terms of science and also have to know the country history.

To conclude, I believed that the authorities should not only prioritize in teaching science for a country development but should invest in every subjects including history as while science a key to success due to technological advancement and can offer more job opportunities, however, others subjects like history also important for a country’s development and progress.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many opponents argue" -> "Many critics contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.
"invest in teaching science curriculum" -> "allocate resources to the science curriculum"
Explanation: "Allocate resources" is a more precise and formal way to describe the act of investing in educational programs, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"more than others subjects" -> "more than other subjects"
Explanation: "Others" should be "other" to maintain grammatical correctness and clarity in the sentence structure.
"government should prioritize" -> "the government should prioritize"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "government" clarifies the subject and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"science are plays a vital roles" -> "science plays a vital role"
Explanation: "Science" is a singular noun and should not be pluralized, and "roles" should be "role" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"it provide" -> "it provides"
Explanation: "Provides" should be used in the present tense to match the context of ongoing or general statements about the role of science.
"Access to science subjects" -> "Access to science subjects"
Explanation: "Subjects" should be singular to match the singular noun "science," maintaining grammatical consistency.
"keep up with the development of the world" -> "remain abreast of global developments"
Explanation: "Remain abreast of global developments" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of staying informed about advancements worldwide.
"have had an impact on the economy" -> "has had an impact on the economy"
Explanation: "Has" should be used to maintain subject-verb agreement with the singular subject "science."
"the advance of technology" -> "technological advancements"
Explanation: "Technological advancements" is a more formal and precise term than "the advance of technology," which is somewhat awkward and less commonly used in academic writing.
"study science allow" -> "studying science allows"
Explanation: "Studying science allows" corrects the verb tense and subject-verb agreement, enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"I believed" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "Believe" should be in the present tense to match the ongoing discussion about the importance of various subjects in education.
"neglect others subjects" -> "neglect other subjects"
Explanation: "Others" should be "other" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"well-known with their development" -> "well-known for their development"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating the reason for the reputation.
"rich in heritage" -> "rich in cultural heritage"
Explanation: Adding "cultural" clarifies the type of heritage being referred to, enhancing specificity and precision.
"both focus on science and history" -> "both focus on science and on history"
Explanation: Adding "on" before "history" corrects the prepositional phrase, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"I believed" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "Believe" should be in the present tense to maintain consistency with the ongoing discussion about educational priorities.
"should not only prioritize in teaching science" -> "should not only prioritize teaching science"
Explanation: Removing "in" corrects the prepositional phrase, aligning with the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"should invest in every subjects" -> "should invest in all subjects"
Explanation: "All" is more precise and formal than "every" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of investing in science education while also acknowledging the value of other subjects, particularly history. The writer states a partial agreement, which is relevant to the question. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent of agreement, as it somewhat ambiguously suggests that both science and other subjects are equally important without explicitly stating the degree of prioritization.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could clarify whether they believe science should be prioritized over other subjects or if they advocate for equal investment. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the importance of science while also valuing other subjects. However, the position could be clearer. Phrases like "I partly agree" and "I believed that others subjects… should also include" create some ambiguity about the writer’s stance. The transition between supporting science and discussing other subjects lacks a strong connective argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language regarding their stance. They could also include transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint, such as "While I recognize the importance of science, I firmly believe…" This would help to clarify their position and make it more consistent throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the importance of science, such as its role in technological advancement and economic development. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the argument about science providing job opportunities could be strengthened with concrete statistics or examples of careers that stem from a science education. The discussion of Japan is relevant but could be expanded to better illustrate how a balanced curriculum contributes to national development.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and data to support their claims. They could also elaborate on the implications of a well-rounded education system, perhaps by discussing how history can inform scientific progress or vice versa. This would not only enhance the depth of the argument but also demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of science education while acknowledging other subjects. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or convoluted, such as "there are no doubt that the economic of ones countries have a huge demand on technology devices," which could confuse readers. Additionally, the phrase "exclusively focus on science and neglect others subjects could not lead the country to progress" could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly supports their main argument. They should also review their sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy, as this will help convey their ideas more effectively. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each point relates back to the main thesis will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the writer’s position, more detailed supporting examples, and improved clarity in expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of science education while acknowledging the value of other subjects. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to present both sides of the argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the importance of science to the need for a balanced curriculum could be more clearly delineated. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could reinforce the argument more strongly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "On the other hand," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Structuring the essay to clearly delineate the pros and cons before concluding with a balanced perspective can also improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with distinct sections for the argument in favor of science and the counterargument regarding other subjects. However, some paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the second paragraph, while focused on the benefits of science, contains several run-on sentences that could be broken down for clarity. The third paragraph introduces the counterargument but could benefit from more elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples. Aim for a balance between length and depth; avoid overly long sentences that may confuse the reader. Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "moreover," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this is evident that" is awkwardly constructed and could be improved for clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "consequently," "for instance," and "in conclusion." This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly; for example, "there are no doubt" should be corrected to "there is no doubt" for grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "technological advancements," "vital roles," and "economic demand." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "teaching science" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "teaching science," alternatives such as "science education," "instruction in scientific subjects," or "science curriculum" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "innovation," "scientific literacy," or "interdisciplinary studies," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "science are plays a vital roles" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The use of "economic of ones countries" is also awkward and unclear. Furthermore, the phrase "exclusively focus on science" lacks proper grammatical structure, as it should be "exclusively focusing on science."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness will improve overall comprehension. For example, changing "science are plays a vital roles" to "science plays a vital role" would correct the grammatical error. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are clear and concise will help convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "curriculum" (written as "curriculum"), "roles" (written as "roles"), "economic" (should be "economy"), and "others" (should be "other"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and proofreading their work before submission. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a decent command of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "While I science is important" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness. For example, "science are plays a vital roles" is incorrect and disrupts the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and ensure that they are grammatically correct. Incorporating varied sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases effectively can also help. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is because," the writer could use alternatives like "One reason for this is that…" or "An additional factor to consider is…". Regular practice with sentence combining exercises can also aid in developing more sophisticated structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "science are plays a vital roles" should be "science plays a vital role," and "the economic of ones countries" should be "the economies of countries." Additionally, there are missing articles, such as "the" before "science curriculum," and incorrect pluralization, as seen in "others subjects" instead of "other subjects." Punctuation is generally adequate, but the use of commas could be improved to separate clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and plurals. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises specifically targeting these areas can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common grammatical mistakes before submission can help catch errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide insights into persistent issues that need addressing.

In summary, while the essay shows a reasonable attempt at using varied structures and generally adheres to grammatical rules, significant errors remain that affect clarity and coherence. By focusing on the specific areas outlined above, the writer can work towards improving their grammatical range and accuracy, ultimately aiming for a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many opponents argue that the authorities should invest in teaching the science curriculum more than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. From my perspective, I partly agree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, the government should prioritize science and teaching it in schools due to technological advancements. With the development of technology, science plays a vital role in our lives as it provides a variety of job opportunities for students in the future. Access to science subjects allows students to keep up with global developments and offers them a wide range of knowledge about it, which could be crucial for students in the future, helping them have more chances to pursue their career paths thanks to science. Moreover, science has also had an impact on the economy. Since the advance of technology, there is no doubt that the economy of many countries has a huge demand for technological devices, and studying science allows students to enrich their creativity and produce more gadgets, which can directly improve the economy.

While I believe science is important and schools should invest in teaching it, I believe that other subjects, such as history, should also be included in the school curriculum. This is because exclusively focusing on science and neglecting other subjects could not lead the country to progress, as every component is crucial. For example, in Japan, well-known for their development not only in technology but also in their rich cultural heritage, it is evident that all educational institutions in Japan both focus on science and history, ensuring that students can keep up with global developments in terms of science while also knowing their country’s history.

To conclude, I believe that the authorities should not only prioritize teaching science for a country’s development but should invest in all subjects, including history. While science is key to success due to technological advancements and can offer more job opportunities, other subjects like history are also important for a country’s development and progress.