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The graph and pie chart below give information on in-house training courses in a large financial company. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and pie chart below give information on in-house training courses in a large financial company.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart provides comparisons of in-house training curriculums while the bar graph demonstrates differences between opinions of manager and secretary in a large financial business.
Overall, Techical training consume the most time, while doing workout for health and safety has the shortest duration. On the other hand, most managers and secretaries assumed that training courses have good impacts for themselves.
In regard to the pie chart, professional training needs the most time, with 30 training hours per year, while the duration of training for career development is two times lower, accounted for only 15 hours annually. Practicing inter personal skills requires 10 hours per year, doubling the amount of time needed for health and safety training which is the shortest duration among given categories.
In terms of the bar graph, there are not many disparities between opinions of two subjects. About only 10% of both roles believe that training are not worth their valuable time, While nearly 85% of the total secretaries assumed that doing workout is crucial for job, followed closely by roughly 75% of the manager' opinions. The number of managers thinking that doing exercises is good for networking accounts for 50%, which slightly higher than over 40% of the secretaries. Furthermore, approximately 65% of the managers perceived training as a good excuse for a change, followed closely by about 63% of the secretaries.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "in-house training curriculums" -> "in-house training curricula"
    Explanation: The term "curriculums" is less commonly used in academic contexts; "curricula" is the correct plural form of "curriculum," making it more precise and formal.

  2. "Techical training consume the most time" -> "Technical training consumes the most time"
    Explanation: The word "Techical" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "Technical." Additionally, "consume" should be "consumes" to agree with the singular subject "training."

  3. "doing workout for health and safety" -> "engaging in workouts for health and safety"
    Explanation: "Doing workout" is informal and vague. "Engaging in workouts" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.

  4. "assumed that training courses have good impacts for themselves" -> "believed that training courses have positive impacts on their professional development"
    Explanation: "Assumed" is too informal and vague; "believed" is more appropriate. "Good impacts" is also vague; "positive impacts on their professional development" is clearer and more specific.

  5. "professional training needs the most time" -> "professional training requires the most time"
    Explanation: "Needs" is less formal than "requires," which is more suitable for academic writing.

  6. "accounted for only 15 hours annually" -> "accounting for only 15 hours annually"
    Explanation: The phrase should be in the present participle form to maintain grammatical consistency with the rest of the sentence.

  7. "Practicing inter personal skills" -> "Practicing interpersonal skills"
    Explanation: "Inter personal" should be corrected to "interpersonal," which is the standard spelling of the term.

  8. "the shortest duration among given categories" -> "the shortest duration among the given categories"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "given categories" improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

  9. "there are not many disparities between opinions of two subjects" -> "there are few disparities between the opinions of the two subjects"
    Explanation: "Not many" is informal; "few" is more concise and formal. Adding "the" before "opinions" and "two subjects" clarifies the reference.

  10. "About only 10% of both roles believe that training are not worth their valuable time" -> "Only about 10% of both roles believe that training is not worth their valuable time"
    Explanation: "About only" is redundant; "Only about" is more concise. "Training are" should be corrected to "training is" for subject-verb agreement.

  11. "While nearly 85% of the total secretaries assumed that doing workout is crucial for job" -> "While nearly 85% of the secretaries believed that engaging in workouts is crucial for their jobs"
    Explanation: "Total secretaries" is awkward; "the secretaries" is clearer. "Assumed" should be replaced with "believed," and "doing workout" should be changed to "engaging in workouts" for formality and clarity.

  12. "followed closely by roughly 75% of the manager’ opinions" -> "followed closely by approximately 75% of the managers’ opinions"
    Explanation: "Roughly" is less formal than "approximately," and "manager’" should be corrected to "managers’" for grammatical accuracy.

  13. "which slightly higher than over 40% of the secretaries" -> "which is slightly higher than approximately 40% of the secretaries"
    Explanation: The phrase is missing the verb "is," which is necessary for grammatical correctness. "Over" should be replaced with "approximately" for a more formal tone.

  14. "perceived training as a good excuse for a change" -> "perceived training as a beneficial opportunity for change"
    Explanation: "Good excuse" is informal; "beneficial opportunity" is more precise and formal.

  15. "followed closely by about 63% of the secretaries" -> "followed closely by approximately 63% of the secretaries"
    Explanation: "About" is less formal than "approximately," which is more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/ bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the bar graph demonstrates differences between opinions of manager and secretary in a large financial business," but the bar graph actually shows the opinions of managers and secretaries on the value of training courses.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "there are not many disparities between opinions of two subjects," the essay could say "the opinions of managers and secretaries are broadly similar."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, although there are instances of awkward phrasing and mechanical cohesion that detract from the overall flow. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" and "In regard to" are used, but their application could be more varied and contextually appropriate. The paragraphing is present, but the structure could be improved to enhance clarity and logical flow. Some sentences are convoluted, which may confuse the reader. Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for coherence and cohesion, it lacks the sophistication and precision needed for a higher band score.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure they are contextually appropriate. Avoid repetitive phrases and consider using synonyms or alternative expressions.
  2. Improve Paragraph Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the ideas within each paragraph are logically connected. This will help in maintaining a clearer progression of ideas.
  3. Refine Sentence Structure: Focus on simplifying complex sentences to improve clarity. This will make the essay easier to read and understand.
  4. Clarify Comparisons: When making comparisons, ensure that the relationships between the data points are explicitly stated to avoid confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for basic communication of ideas. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "Techical training consume" (should be "consumes") and "doing workout for health and safety" (should be "workouts for health and safety"). The use of less common vocabulary is attempted, but inaccuracies detract from the overall effectiveness. Additionally, there are some spelling errors, such as "Techical" instead of "Technical," which may cause minor confusion but do not severely impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. This includes ensuring correct word forms and collocations, as well as avoiding spelling errors. Practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary can also help convey precise meanings. Additionally, refining sentence structures to incorporate varied vocabulary will improve the overall fluency and flexibility of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "Techical training consume" (should be "consumes") and "the duration of training for career development is two times lower, accounted for only 15 hours annually" (should be "accounting for only 15 hours annually"). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they are frequent enough to indicate a lack of control over grammatical accuracy. The essay also includes some awkward phrasing, such as "most managers and secretaries assumed that training courses have good impacts for themselves," which could be more clearly expressed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Expanding the range of sentence structures and using more complex forms accurately would also enhance the essay. Additionally, refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart provides comparisons of in-house training curriculums, while the bar graph illustrates the differences in opinions between managers and secretaries in a large financial company. Overall, technical training consumes the most time, whereas workouts for health and safety have the shortest duration. On the other hand, most managers and secretaries believe that training courses have a positive impact on their work.

Regarding the pie chart, professional training requires the most time, with 30 training hours per year, while the duration of training for career development is half that amount, accounting for only 15 hours annually. Practicing interpersonal skills necessitates 10 hours per year, which is double the time allocated for health and safety training, the shortest duration among the given categories.

In terms of the bar graph, there are not many disparities between the opinions of the two roles. Only about 10% of both managers and secretaries believe that training is not worth their valuable time. Meanwhile, nearly 85% of the secretaries consider workouts crucial for their jobs, closely followed by approximately 75% of managers. The proportion of managers who think that exercising is beneficial for networking stands at 50%, slightly higher than the over 40% of secretaries who share this view. Furthermore, approximately 65% of managers perceive training as a good excuse for a change, followed closely by about 63% of secretaries.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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