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The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011

The graph below gives information about computer possession by household in one European country between 1997 and 2011

The presented data delineates the evolution of computer ownership in households across a European nation from 1997 to 2011. A notable trend is the substantial increase in households with multiple computers, while those without any witnessed a consistent decline. Conversely, the prevalence of single-computer households remained relatively steady throughout this 15-year span.

Initially, in 1997, households lacking computers constituted the largest proportion, surpassing 45%. However, this figure experienced a significant decline, dropping to under 30% by 2011, with a marginal increase recorded in 2007.

In contrast, households equipped with two computers demonstrated a remarkable surge from approximately 7.5% to 30% by the culmination of the survey in 2011, establishing itself as the second-largest category. Likewise, households owning more than three computers followed a similar pattern, experiencing a slight increment to exceed 7% by 2011. Surprisingly, the percentage of households possessing only a single computer remained relatively constant at around 45%, maintaining its position as the most prevalent segment throughout the period under consideration.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Delineates" -> "Illustrates"
    Explanation: "Delineates" refers to outlining or describing in detail, while "illustrates" better fits the context of presenting data, signifying a clearer portrayal or depiction of the evolution of computer ownership.

  2. "Witnessed" -> "Experienced"
    Explanation: While "witnessed" is acceptable, "experienced" provides a more robust and versatile term in this context, indicating a broader range of occurrences or changes observed.

  3. "Conversely" -> "However"
    Explanation: "Conversely" implies a contrast that might not be entirely appropriate here. "However" presents a more neutral transition, better fitting the context of describing a different aspect of household computer ownership.

  4. "Notable" -> "Significant"
    Explanation: Both terms are suitable, but "significant" adds a slightly stronger emphasis to the observed trend in household computer ownership, emphasizing its importance more effectively.

  5. "Prevalence" -> "Incidence"
    Explanation: While "prevalence" isn’t incorrect, "incidence" can add variety and depth to the discussion of household computer ownership trends, providing a nuanced view of its occurrence.

  6. "Surprisingly" -> "Interestingly"
    Explanation: "Surprisingly" suggests an unexpected outcome, whereas "interestingly" introduces an observation without implying astonishment, aligning better with the tone of a neutral observation in the data.

  7. "Culmination" -> "Conclusion"
    Explanation: "Culmination" implies the highest point or climax, which might not precisely encapsulate the endpoint of the survey. "Conclusion" better represents the endpoint of the data collection period in this context.

  8. "Increment" -> "Increase"
    Explanation: While "increment" is appropriate, "increase" is a more direct and commonly used term in this context, conveying growth or advancement in numbers more explicitly.

  9. "Remained relatively constant" -> "Steadily remained"
    Explanation: Adding "steadily" enhances the description by emphasizing the consistent nature of the percentage of households owning only a single computer, offering a more nuanced portrayal of stability.

  10. "Under" -> "Below"
    Explanation: "Under" is informal, while "below" provides a more formal and precise alternative, offering a clearer indication of the numerical decrease in percentages over the years.

By making these suggested changes, the vocabulary becomes more varied, precise, and aligned with the formal tone of discussing statistical data, enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in computer possession by households from 1997 to 2011 in the given European country. The key features, including the increase in multiple computer households, the decline in computer-less households, and the stability of single-computer households, are appropriately presented and highlighted. The information is well-organized, and the key trends are effectively communicated.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and move towards a higher band score, consider providing a more in-depth analysis and extension of key features. While the essay presents the trends clearly, there is room for more detailed explanations, particularly in discussing the significance or implications of the observed changes. Additionally, ensure that the details provided are accurate and relevant, as there might be instances where details could be perceived as slightly inaccurate or not fully extended. Aim to delve deeper into the analysis without introducing irrelevant information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay effectively organizes information and ideas chronologically, presenting a clear progression from 1997 to 2011 in terms of computer possession in households. There’s a logical structure evident in the description of each category of households. The usage of cohesive devices aids in linking ideas, contributing to the overall coherence.

The introduction frames the topic well and sets the stage for the subsequent discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific category of households, maintaining a clear central topic within each section. Transitions between the years and categories are smooth, enhancing the overall coherence.

However, there are some minor instances where greater variety in cohesive devices or more precise usage could further strengthen cohesion. Additionally, while the essay is well-paragraphed, there could be a slightly more distinct development or organization within paragraphs.

How to improve: To enhance coherence further, aim for a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as using pronouns, transitional phrases, or synonyms more consistently. Ensure each paragraph has a strong, clearly defined structure, perhaps by elaborating more on the trends within each category of households. This could involve discussing reasons for the changes or implications of the trends observed.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with fluency and flexibility. The language is precise, conveying meanings effectively. The essay skillfully employs uncommon lexical items, contributing to the sophistication of expression. There are only occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which are minor ‘slips’ and do not significantly impact the overall lexical resource. Spelling and word formation are mostly accurate, with rare errors.

How to improve:
To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a few more sophisticated and contextually appropriate words or phrases. Additionally, pay close attention to avoiding minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Proofread the essay to eliminate any rare errors in spelling and word formation, ensuring a consistently high level of precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical range and accuracy, aligning with Band 8 descriptors. There is a consistent use of a wide range of sentence structures, contributing to overall flexibility and accuracy. The essay exhibits a high level of precision in grammar, with the majority of sentences being error-free. The complex structures used, such as "A notable trend is the substantial increase," showcase the writer’s ability to handle language with sophistication. The occasional minor errors, like "culmination of the survey," can be classified as minor slips that do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, it is recommended to ensure consistency in the use of complex structures and to proofread for minor slips. The phrase "culmination of the survey" could be refined for clarity, perhaps by replacing it with "end of the survey period." Additionally, paying attention to punctuation details, such as the correct use of commas and semicolons, can contribute to an even smoother expression of ideas. Overall, maintaining this high standard while fine-tuning minor aspects would likely result in an even stronger performance.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data illustrates the changing landscape of computer ownership within households in a European nation from 1997 to 2011. Notably, there is a discernible trend of a substantial increase in households with multiple computers, a consistent decline in those without any, and a relatively steady prevalence of single-computer households during this 15-year timeframe.

In 1997, households lacking computers constituted the majority, exceeding 45%. However, there was a significant decrease, dropping to under 30% by 2011, with a marginal increase noted in 2007.

Conversely, households with two computers exhibited a remarkable surge, rising from approximately 7.5% to 30% by the conclusion of the survey in 2011, becoming the second-largest category. Similarly, households owning more than three computers followed a comparable pattern, experiencing a slight increment to surpass 7% by 2011. Surprisingly, the percentage of households possessing only a single computer remained relatively constant at around 45%, maintaining its position as the most prevalent segment throughout the considered period.

In conclusion, the data highlights a shift towards multiple-computer households, a decline in computer-less households, and a stable prevalence of single-computer households in this European country between 1997 and 2011.

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