The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in 4 Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The line chart illustrates the percentage of city inhabitants in four countries over a 50-year period stretching from 1970, along with some projections for the next 2 decades.

Overview, it is evident that urban populations in four countries all experienced an upward trend over the period shown, albeit at different rates, leading to similar percentages over the period shown, and the forecast predicts a slower rise in the coming years.

At the beginning of the period, the two countries with the smallest urban populations were Uruguay and Ecuador, where around one-fifth lived in cities. The figures for citizens in Uruguay had surged consistently afterwards, as in 2020, it is home to nine out of every ten individuals, making it the most urbanized country among the four, and the percentage of populations in Ecuador had also risen to just under 70% over a 50-year period.

In Brazil, while half lived in cities in 1970, the number had grown substantially and stood at a little under 90% in 2020, despite a slight decrease by 8% during the 1990s. Out of four nations, Argentina maintained the highest percentage of urban populations until it was surpassed by Uruguay shortly before 2020. Following an initial fluctuation between 70% and 80% during the first three years, it gradually increased and eventually topped at 90% in 2020.

The urban population in Argentina, Brazil, and Uruguay is projected to experience slow growth over the next 20 years, with an increase of no more than 3 percentage points. However, the figure for city inhabitants in Ecuador is expected to reach 80% by 2040.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Overview, it is evident that" -> "In overview, it is evident that"
Explanation: The phrase "In overview" is more grammatically correct and formal than "Overview," which reads as a fragment.
"leading to similar percentages over the period shown" -> "resulting in comparable percentages throughout the observed period"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is a more formal and precise phrase than "leading to," and "comparable" is a more academic term than "similar." "Throughout the observed period" enhances clarity and formality.
"the figures for citizens in Uruguay had surged consistently afterwards" -> "the figures for urban residents in Uruguay increased consistently thereafter"
Explanation: "Urban residents" is more specific than "citizens," and "increased" is a more formal term than "surged." "Thereafter" is a more precise temporal marker than "afterwards."
"making it the most urbanized country among the four" -> "rendering it the most urbanized country among the four"
Explanation: "Rendering" is a more formal and precise verb than "making," enhancing the academic tone of the writing.
"the percentage of populations in Ecuador had also risen to just under 70%" -> "the percentage of the population in Ecuador had also increased to just under 70%"
Explanation: "The population" is more precise than "populations," as it refers to a singular demographic. "Increased" is a more formal term than "risen."
"the number had grown substantially and stood at a little under 90%" -> "the number had increased significantly and reached just under 90%"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more formal and precise phrase than "grown substantially," and "reached" is clearer than "stood at."
"despite a slight decrease by 8% during the 1990s" -> "despite a modest decline of 8% during the 1990s"
Explanation: "Modest decline" is more formal and precise than "slight decrease," improving the academic tone.
"maintained the highest percentage of urban populations" -> "retained the highest percentage of urban residents"
Explanation: "Retained" is a more formal verb than "maintained," and "urban residents" is more specific than "urban populations."
"Following an initial fluctuation between 70% and 80% during the first three years" -> "Following an initial fluctuation between 70% and 80% during the first three decades"
Explanation: "Decades" is more accurate than "years" in the context of a 50-year period.
"and eventually topped at 90% in 2020" -> "and ultimately peaked at 90% in 2020"
Explanation: "Ultimately peaked" is a more formal and precise phrase than "eventually topped," enhancing the academic tone.
"is projected to experience slow growth" -> "is projected to undergo gradual growth"
Explanation: "Undergo" is a more formal verb than "experience," and "gradual" is a more precise descriptor than "slow."
"with an increase of no more than 3 percentage points" -> "with an increase not exceeding 3 percentage points"
Explanation: "Not exceeding" is a more formal and precise phrase than "no more than," improving clarity and formality.
"the figure for city inhabitants in Ecuador is expected to reach 80% by 2040" -> "the figure for urban residents in Ecuador is anticipated to reach 80% by 2040"
Explanation: "Urban residents" is more specific than "city inhabitants," and "anticipated" is a more formal term than "expected."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the graph. The essay highlights key features and bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the figure for city inhabitants in Ecuador is expected to reach 80% by 2040," but the graph shows that the figure is expected to reach 75%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding repetition. For example, instead of saying "the number had grown substantially," the essay could say "the percentage of urban population increased significantly."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph focuses on specific countries and their urban population trends, which helps maintain a clear central topic. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in connecting sentences. The paragraphing is generally effective, but there are moments where transitions could be smoother to enhance overall flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Additionally, enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next would improve coherence. Clarifying references and substitutions could also help in making the connections between ideas more explicit.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying information about the urban populations in the specified countries. The use of less common lexical items, such as "inhabitants," "urbanized," and "fluctuation," indicates an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the figures for citizens in Uruguay had surged consistently afterwards," which could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in spelling and word formation, but these do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could aim to incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choices throughout the essay. Reducing the frequency of minor errors and improving the overall fluency of expressions would also contribute to a higher band score. Engaging with more uncommon lexical items and ensuring their accurate application would further demonstrate a strong command of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and includes frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For example, phrases like "the two countries with the smallest urban populations were Uruguay and Ecuador" are well-structured, and the use of conjunctions and transitions is effective. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as "the percentage of populations in Ecuador had also risen" which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its good grammatical range and accuracy, but it falls short of the higher band due to the occasional errors that do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and precision. Reducing minor errors and awkward phrasing will enhance the overall fluency of the essay. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of grammatical structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would help in reaching Band 8. Regular practice with complex sentences and careful proofreading can also contribute to improved accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the percentage of city inhabitants in four countries over a 50-year period, from 1970 to 2020, along with projections for the next two decades.

Overall, it is evident that urban populations in the four countries all experienced an upward trend during the period shown, albeit at different rates. This led to similar percentages by 2020, and the forecast predicts a slower rise in the coming years.

At the beginning of the period, the two countries with the smallest urban populations were Uruguay and Ecuador, where around one-fifth of the population lived in cities. The figures for citizens in Uruguay surged consistently afterwards, and by 2020, it was home to nine out of every ten individuals, making it the most urbanized country among the four. The percentage of the population in Ecuador also rose to just under 70% over the 50-year period.

In Brazil, while half of the population lived in cities in 1970, this number grew substantially, reaching a little under 90% in 2020, despite a slight decrease of 8% during the 1990s. Among the four nations, Argentina maintained the highest percentage of urban populations until it was surpassed by Uruguay shortly before 2020. Following an initial fluctuation between 70% and 80% during the first three decades, it gradually increased and eventually peaked at 90% in 2020.

The urban populations in Argentina, Brazil, and Uruguay are projected to experience slow growth over the next 20 years, with an increase of no more than 3 percentage points. However, the figure for city inhabitants in Ecuador is expected to reach 80% by 2040.