The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The line graph provides informaqtion about the number of Australian took part in various activities at one social centre Melbourne during the period spanning 2000 to 2020. Overall, the quality of people who participate film club and table tennis increased in this period, while three others type had decreased.
Begin with the number of Australian who took part in film club was around 65; however, table tennis just 15 participants in 2000. In 2005, Australian participate to table tennis increased 20 until 2010 and the number of film club decreased to 60, in this level until 2010. After a decade, this type of accommodation was plunging back 2000 just around 65 participants. While the quality of people who took part in table tennis nearly 60 in 2020.
Three others activities, the martial arts began with 45 participants, the amateur dramatics around 25 numbers; however, the musical performances no one want to take part in it. In 2005, just the Australian join amateur dramatics increased and the martial arts had decreased. Until 2010, the quality of participants for musical performances went up 10 and continued increased to 25 participants in 2020. In this year, the number of martial arts back to the beginning. Beside, the Australian who took part in amateur dramatics had decreased to the end around 5 participants in 2020

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph provides informaqtion" -> "The line graph provides information"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "informaqtion" to "information" ensures the accuracy and professionalism of the text.
"Australian took part" -> "Australians took part"
Explanation: The plural form "Australians" is necessary to reflect the collective noun and maintain grammatical correctness.
"one social centre Melbourne" -> "a social centre in Melbourne"
Explanation: Adding "in" before "Melbourne" corrects the prepositional phrase and clarifies the location.
"three others type" -> "three other types"
Explanation: The phrase "three others type" is grammatically incorrect. "Three other types" is the correct form to refer to multiple categories.
"Australian participate to table tennis" -> "Australians participated in table tennis"
Explanation: Correcting "participate to" to "participated in" fixes the verb tense and preposition to match the context.
"the number of film club decreased to 60, in this level until 2010" -> "the number of participants in the film club decreased to 60, remaining at that level until 2010"
Explanation: Clarifying "in this level" to "remaining at that level" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
"this type of accommodation was plunging back 2000 just around 65 participants" -> "this type of activity returned to 2000 levels, with around 65 participants"
Explanation: "Was plunging back" is an informal and unclear phrase. "Returned to 2000 levels" is more precise and formal.
"the quality of people who took part in table tennis nearly 60" -> "the number of participants in table tennis was nearly 60"
Explanation: Changing "the quality of people" to "the number of participants" corrects the misuse of "quality" in this context.
"no one want to take part in it" -> "no one wanted to participate in it"
Explanation: Changing "want" to "wanted" corrects the tense to match the past context, and "participate" is a more formal verb than "take part."
"the Australian join amateur dramatics increased" -> "the number of Australians participating in amateur dramatics increased"
Explanation: Adding "number of" and "participating in" clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.
"Beside, the Australian who took part in amateur dramatics had decreased" -> "Furthermore, the number of Australians participating in amateur dramatics decreased"
Explanation: "Beside" is incorrectly used; "Furthermore" is the correct transitional phrase. Also, "the number of Australians participating in" is more precise than "the Australian who took part in."
"to the end around 5 participants" -> "to just 5 participants"
Explanation: "To the end around" is redundant and unclear. "To just 5 participants" is more direct and formal.

These corrections and improvements enhance the academic tone and clarity of the essay, ensuring that it adheres to the standards of formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the quality of people who participate film club and table tennis increased in this period, while three others type had decreased." This is a general statement that does not provide any specific information about the trends in the graph. The essay also provides irrelevant details, such as the number of participants in 2005 and 2010.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on the key features/bullet points of the graph, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the data. For example, the essay states that "the quality of participants for musical performances went up 10 and continued increased to 25 participants in 2020." This is not accurate, as the number of participants in musical performances increased from 0 to 10 in 2010 and then to 20 in 2020.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents some information and ideas related to the graph, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression throughout the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in the narrative. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with ideas not clearly separated or logically organized. Overall, the essay lacks clarity and coherence, which significantly affects the reader’s understanding of the data presented.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information by using logical paragraphing. Each paragraph should present a distinct idea or comparison, with appropriate cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensuring accurate language use and avoiding repetitive phrases will help clarify the message. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the graph, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "informaqtion," "Australian," "accommodation," "quality of people"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and precision expected in higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. They should also focus on correct spelling and word formation to avoid errors that impede communication. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, as well as ensuring appropriate collocations, will help in achieving a higher band score. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling and grammatical errors before submission would improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that impede clarity. There are several instances of incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. For example, "the quality of people who participate film club" should be "the number of people who participated in the film club." Additionally, punctuation is often faulty, which further complicates comprehension. While some sentences convey basic ideas, the overall grammatical inaccuracies significantly hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a variety of sentence forms, including complex and compound sentences, to convey ideas more clearly.
Verb Tenses: Ensure correct use of past and present tenses, particularly when describing data from a specific time period.
Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay attention to singular and plural forms to maintain agreement throughout the essay.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and ensure proper separation of ideas.
Proofreading: Implement a proofreading step to catch and correct errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the number of Australians who took part in various activities at one social centre in Melbourne during the period spanning 2000 to 2020. Overall, the number of people participating in the film club and table tennis increased during this period, while the other three activities experienced a decline.

Beginning with the film club, the number of Australians who participated was around 65; however, table tennis had just 15 participants in 2000. In 2005, Australian participation in table tennis increased to 20, and by 2010, the number of film club participants decreased to 60, remaining at this level until 2010. After a decade, participation in the film club plunged back to around 65 participants, while the number of people who took part in table tennis rose to nearly 60 in 2020.

Regarding the other three activities, martial arts began with 45 participants, amateur dramatics had around 25 participants, while no one wanted to take part in musical performances. In 2005, only the number of Australians joining amateur dramatics increased, while martial arts saw a decrease. By 2010, the number of participants in musical performances rose to 10 and continued to increase to 25 participants in 2020. In that year, the number of martial arts participants returned to its initial level. Additionally, the number of Australians who took part in amateur dramatics decreased to around 5 participants by 2020.