The graph below show the annual income of language-related jobs in US dollars in five cities

The given chart illustrates the yearly salary of three different professions in US dollars relating to language in various cities.

By and large, interpreter is considered as the most well-paid job in these cities except for Mexico. Additionally, Toronto seems to have the best average incomes among five cities.

In terms of interpreter, Dubai, Paris and Munich usually offer an annual wage ranging from 60000 USD to roughly 75000 USD, notably interpreter in Munich will be paid more than 10000 USD and 15000 USD compared to Paris and Dubai, respectively. In Mexico, this job is underpaid with only approximately 20,000 USD a year, which pales in comparison with 80,000 USD income in Toronto that is nearly four times as much as the former.

With respect to two remaining jobs, they are equally paid in Mexico and Toronto, notwithstanding a 45,000 USD difference from Toronto’s data at 65,000 USD to Mexico’s one. In Paris, there is a striking gap between translator’s salary and language teacher, with 65,000 USD per year for the former and 45,000 USD for the latter. While in Munich the disparity does not seem to be as significant as in France's capital, with virtually 65,000 USD each. Only in Dubai do language teachers have a better income than translator’s reaching the level of 60,000 USD annually, especially, the ratio of which is 6:5.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"By and large, interpreter is considered as the most well-paid job…" -> "Overall, the profession of interpreter is regarded as the most lucrative…"
Explanation: "By and large" is an informal phrase. Replacing it with "Overall" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formality of the sentence. "Well-paid" is acceptable but "lucrative" adds sophistication to the description.
"ranging from 60000 USD to roughly 75000 USD" -> "ranging from 60,000 USD to approximately 75,000 USD"
Explanation: Adding commas to the numbers improves readability and conforms to standard numerical formatting conventions.
"notably interpreter in Munich will be paid more than 10000 USD and 15000 USD compared to Paris and Dubai, respectively" -> "particularly, interpreters in Munich receive compensation exceeding 10,000 USD and 15,000 USD in contrast to those in Paris and Dubai, respectively"
Explanation: "Notably" is replaced with "particularly" for a more formal tone. Additionally, rephrasing the sentence enhances clarity and avoids repetition.
"which pales in comparison with 80,000 USD income in Toronto that is nearly four times as much as the former" -> "which is overshadowed by the 80,000 USD income in Toronto, nearly quadruple the amount"
Explanation: "Pales in comparison with" is replaced with "overshadowed by" for a more precise expression. "Nearly four times as much as" is substituted with "nearly quadruple the amount" for conciseness and clarity.
"With respect to two remaining jobs" -> "Regarding the other two professions"
Explanation: "With respect to" is replaced with "Regarding" for a more concise and formal expression.
"there is a striking gap between translator’s salary and language teacher" -> "there is a considerable disparity between the salaries of translators and language teachers"
Explanation: "Striking" is replaced with "considerable" for a more formal tone. Additionally, specifying "the salaries of translators and language teachers" adds clarity.
"does not seem to be as significant as in France’s capital" -> "is not as pronounced as in the capital of France"
Explanation: "Does not seem to be as significant as" is replaced with "is not as pronounced as" for a more direct and formal expression. Additionally, "France’s capital" is substituted for "Paris" to avoid repetition and add variety.
"Only in Dubai do language teachers have a better income than translator’s reaching the level of 60,000 USD annually" -> "In Dubai, language teachers surpass translators in income, reaching the level of 60,000 USD annually"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure for clarity and replacing "Only" with "In Dubai" enhances readability. "Surpass" is used to indicate a higher income in a more formal manner.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the annual income of language-related jobs in various cities. It presents a clear comparison of the salaries for interpreters, translators, and language teachers across different locations, highlighting key differences. The information is appropriately selected and organized, with clear mentions of each city and profession’s income levels.

However, while the essay presents and highlights key features/bullet points, there is room for further development and extension. For instance, the explanation of the salary gaps between professions and cities could be more detailed, providing additional insights or comparisons. Additionally, some minor inaccuracies or inconsistencies are present, such as stating "only in Dubai do language teachers have a better income than translators," which contradicts earlier information about Paris.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more thorough analysis and comparisons, ensuring consistency and accuracy in presenting the data. Adding more specific examples or discussing potential factors influencing salary discrepancies would enhance the depth of the response. Additionally, ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the essay would strengthen the overall presentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas with logical organization throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data presented in the graph, providing a cohesive structure to the essay. The use of transition words and phrases helps to guide the reader through the comparison of salaries in different cities and professions. There is also a clear central topic within each paragraph, as the writer consistently discusses the salaries of interpreters, translators, and language teachers in each city. Overall, the essay effectively organizes information and ideas with a clear progression.

However, there are some minor issues with cohesion. While cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse or awkward phrasing that may attract slight attention. For example, the transition "By and large" could be replaced with a more concise alternative. Additionally, there is some repetition in the use of certain phrases, such as "annual wage," which could be varied for better cohesion.

How to improve:
To improve cohesion, focus on using a variety of transition words and phrases to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, strive for more concise and precise language to minimize any awkward phrasing that may distract the reader. Finally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain a seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay effectively utilizes a range of vocabulary to describe the data presented in the graph. There is a good attempt to use varied lexical items related to professions and income, demonstrating an adequate range of vocabulary. The essay shows awareness of style and collocation, especially in phrases like "well-paid job," "annual wage," and "striking gap." Additionally, there is an attempt to convey precise meanings, such as comparing incomes and highlighting disparities. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, like "notably interpreter" which could be improved to "notably, interpreters" for clarity. Despite these minor inaccuracies, the vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the message effectively.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to ensure precision and accuracy. Proofreading for minor errors and refining sentence structures could enhance clarity and sophistication. Also, aim to incorporate more varied and complex vocabulary where appropriate to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is a reasonable attempt to use a variety of sentence forms, but there are some grammatical errors and instances of faulty punctuation throughout the essay. However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring consistency in the use of complex structures and strive for greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct errors, thereby improving overall clarity and coherence. Additionally, varying the sentence structures more deliberately can elevate the essay’s sophistication and readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart delineates the annual earnings of three distinct vocations within the language domain across five different urban centers, all denominated in US dollars.

Overall, interpreters command the highest remuneration across the surveyed cities, with the exception of Mexico. Notably, Toronto emerges as the locale boasting the most favorable average incomes among the five cities.

Regarding interpreters, Dubai, Paris, and Munich typically offer annual salaries ranging from $60,000 to approximately $75,000 USD. Significantly, interpreters in Munich garner a wage exceeding that of their counterparts in Paris and Dubai by $10,000 and $15,000 USD, respectively. Conversely, in Mexico, interpreters receive comparatively lower compensation, with an approximate annual income of $20,000 USD, a stark contrast to the $80,000 USD income prevalent in Toronto, nearly quadruple the former.

As for the remaining professions, their compensation appears uniform in Mexico and Toronto, notwithstanding a $45,000 USD disparity between Toronto’s $65,000 USD and Mexico’s figure. In Paris, a conspicuous wage gap exists between translators and language teachers, with translators earning $65,000 USD annually compared to the $45,000 USD earned by language teachers. Conversely, in Munich, the discrepancy between these two roles appears less pronounced, with both professions fetching approximately $65,000 USD each. Notably, only in Dubai do language teachers outearn translators, with an annual income reaching $60,000 USD, especially noteworthy given the ratio of their earnings stands at 6:5.