The graph below show the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017

The graph depicts the quantity of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island ,where they stayed from 2010 to 2017.
Generally ,it is clear that the island welcomed more tourists over the period shown .Besides ,the total of tourists dwelled on the island followed an upward trend ,while the rest lived on cruise ships experience fluctuation .
From 2010 to 2015 ,the number of visitors lived on island and the rest lived on cruise ships started at 0.75 and 0.25 million respectively .After that ,holidaymakers staying on island’s figure stayed unchanged until 2011 and increased steadily to roughly 1.25 million in between 2015 and 2016 ,which had the same quantity as that of visitors staying on cruise ships .Meanwhile ,the figure of holidaymakers staying on cruise ships also rose substantially by 1.25 million .
From 2016 to 2017 , all of figures followed and upward trend . The figures of visitors living on cruise ships and the rest lived on island grew to 2 million and 1.5 million respectly .At the end of the period , visitors staying on cruise ships was ahead of B ,which was 5 million more compared to that of holidaymakers living on island .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the quantity of tourists" -> "the number of tourists"
Explanation: "Quantity" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is more appropriate for countable nouns like "tourists."
"dwelled on the island" -> "stayed on the island"
Explanation: "Dwelled" is an archaic term that is less commonly used in contemporary language. "Stayed" is more straightforward and commonly used in this context.
"the rest lived on cruise ships experience fluctuation" -> "the remainder stayed on cruise ships, experiencing fluctuations"
Explanation: "The rest" is vague; "the remainder" is more precise. Additionally, the phrase "experience fluctuation" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased to "experiencing fluctuations" for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"the number of visitors lived on island and the rest lived on cruise ships started at 0.75 and 0.25 million respectively" -> "the number of visitors staying on the island and those staying on cruise ships started at 0.75 million and 0.25 million, respectively"
Explanation: "Lived" is replaced with "staying" for consistency with previous usage. Adding "those" clarifies the comparison, and the placement of "respectively" at the end improves readability.
"holidaymakers staying on island’s figure stayed unchanged" -> "the figure for holidaymakers staying on the island remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Island’s figure" is awkward and unclear; "the figure for holidaymakers staying on the island" is more precise. "Remained" is a more formal alternative to "stayed."
"increased steadily to roughly 1.25 million in between 2015 and 2016" -> "increased steadily to approximately 1.25 million between 2015 and 2016"
Explanation: "Roughly" is replaced with "approximately" for a more formal tone. "In between" is corrected to "between" for grammatical accuracy.
"which had the same quantity as that of visitors staying on cruise ships" -> "which was equivalent to the number of visitors staying on cruise ships"
Explanation: "Had the same quantity as that of" is awkward; "was equivalent to the number of" is clearer and more concise.
"the figure of holidaymakers staying on cruise ships also rose substantially by 1.25 million" -> "the number of holidaymakers staying on cruise ships also rose significantly to 1.25 million"
Explanation: "Figure" is replaced with "number" for clarity, and "substantially" is changed to "significantly," which is more precise in an academic context.
"all of figures followed and upward trend" -> "all figures followed an upward trend"
Explanation: "All of figures" is grammatically incorrect; "all figures" is the correct form. "And" is replaced with "an" for grammatical accuracy.
"the figures of visitors living on cruise ships and the rest lived on island grew to 2 million and 1.5 million respectly" -> "the figures for visitors staying on cruise ships and those staying on the island grew to 2 million and 1.5 million, respectively"
Explanation: "Lived" is replaced with "staying" for consistency. "Respectly" is corrected to "respectively," and "the rest" is replaced with "those" for clarity.
"visitors staying on cruise ships was ahead of B" -> "visitors staying on cruise ships surpassed those staying on the island"
Explanation: "Was ahead of B" is unclear and informal; "surpassed" is a more precise and formal term, and specifying "those staying on the island" clarifies the comparison.
"which was 5 million more compared to that of holidaymakers living on island" -> "which was 5 million more than that of holidaymakers staying on the island"
Explanation: "Compared to" is less formal; "more than" is clearer and more direct. Additionally, "living on island" is corrected to "staying on the island" for consistency.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, and the data is recounted mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features of the data, rather than simply recounting the details. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists visiting the island increased steadily from 2010 to 2017, and that the number of tourists staying on cruise ships increased more rapidly than the number of tourists staying on the island. The essay could also highlight the fact that the number of tourists staying on the island remained relatively stable between 2011 and 2015, while the number of tourists staying on cruise ships increased significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the trends in tourist numbers, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the narrative clearly. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "the rest lived on cruise ships" are repeated without sufficient variation or clarity. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing; the essay lacks clear separation of ideas and does not effectively manage paragraphing, which detracts from the overall coherence.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring they are applied accurately will help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, improving the logical flow of information by linking sentences and ideas more effectively will contribute to a clearer progression throughout the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help eliminate confusion and improve overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe trends and figures, the language used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the rest lived on cruise ships experience fluctuation," which should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "respectly" instead of "respectively," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the vocabulary used does not convey the data effectively, and the errors detract from the overall communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to describe trends and comparisons more precisely. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocation would also improve the essay. Furthermore, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors will help in achieving clearer communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, these attempts are often inaccurate, leading to frequent grammatical errors that can cause confusion for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the total of tourists dwelled on the island" and "the figures of visitors living on cruise ships and the rest lived on island grew" show awkward constructions and incorrect verb forms. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing, further detract from the overall clarity. While the main ideas are communicated, the frequent errors hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence forms and ensure that subordinate clauses are used correctly.
Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb tense and subject-verb agreement.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage and spacing, to improve clarity and readability.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on complex sentence formation and grammar rules to build confidence and accuracy in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph depicts the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island, indicating where they stayed from 2010 to 2017. Generally, it is clear that the island welcomed more tourists over the period shown. Additionally, the total number of tourists residing on the island followed an upward trend, while the number of those living on cruise ships experienced fluctuations.

From 2010 to 2015, the number of visitors staying on the island and those living on cruise ships started at 0.75 million and 0.25 million, respectively. After that, the figure for holidaymakers staying on the island remained unchanged until 2011 and then increased steadily to roughly 1.25 million between 2015 and 2016, which was the same number as that of visitors staying on cruise ships. Meanwhile, the number of holidaymakers staying on cruise ships also rose substantially to 1.25 million.

From 2016 to 2017, all figures followed an upward trend. The numbers of visitors living on cruise ships and those staying on the island grew to 2 million and 1.5 million, respectively. At the end of the period, visitors staying on cruise ships surpassed those living on the island by 0.5 million, which was 5 million more compared to that of holidaymakers residing on the island.