The graph below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-old spend chatting on the internet and playing on game consoles on an average school day in the UK. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-old spend chatting on the internet and playing on game consoles on an average school day in the UK.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart compares the average time spent by UK teenagers between 10 to 15-year-old on two activities including chatting online and playing computer games.

What stands out from the given chart is that boys spend most of their time in games online, while girls like chatting on the internet most. However, completely different trends can be seen if we look at the specific figure for boys and girls

Boys aged between 10 and 15 clearly favor playing on game consoles over chatting online. According to the chart, roughly 85% of boys participated in console daily, compared to around 55% who chatted online. Furthermore, the majority of boys spent more than an hour per day playing games, and approximately 10% of them spent over 4 hours doing that.

In contrast, the survey shows that girls prefer chatting online to playing games.
Most of them spent 1-3 hours a day chatting, and 10% girls spent 4 hours plus on that. Meanwhile, almost 40% of girls just spent less than an hour per day playing games console, with a minority of them enrolling in 4 hours plus a day playing games.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "between 10 to 15-year-old" -> "aged 10 to 15 years"
   Explanation: The phrase "between 10 to 15-year-old" is grammatically incorrect. "Aged 10 to 15 years" is a more precise and formal way to express the age range of the teenagers.

2. "What stands out from the given chart is that" -> "A notable observation from the chart is that"
   Explanation: "What stands out" is informal and conversational. "A notable observation" is more academic and precise, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.

3. "boys spend most of their time in games online" -> "boys allocate the majority of their time to online gaming"
   Explanation: "Spend most of their time in games online" is vague and informal. "Allocate the majority of their time to online gaming" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.

4. "However, completely different trends can be seen if we look at the specific figure for boys and girls" -> "However, distinct trends emerge when examining the specific data for boys and girls"
   Explanation: "Completely different trends can be seen" is vague and informal. "Distinct trends emerge when examining the specific data" is clearer and maintains an academic tone.

5. "the majority of boys spent more than an hour per day playing games" -> "the majority of boys reported spending more than one hour per day engaged in gaming"
   Explanation: "Spent more than an hour" is somewhat informal. "Reported spending more than one hour per day engaged in gaming" is more precise and formal, improving clarity.

6. "10% girls spent 4 hours plus on that" -> "10% of girls spent more than four hours on this activity"
   Explanation: "10% girls" is grammatically incorrect; it should include "of." "4 hours plus" is informal; "more than four hours" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.

7. "just spent less than an hour per day playing games console" -> "spent less than one hour per day engaged in console gaming"
   Explanation: "Just spent" is informal and can imply a dismissive tone. "Spent less than one hour per day engaged in console gaming" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.

8. "with a minority of them enrolling in 4 hours plus a day playing games" -> "with a minority engaging in gaming for more than four hours per day"
   Explanation: "Enrolling in" is not the correct term for participation in gaming. "Engaging in gaming for more than four hours per day" is more accurate and formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information in the chart. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the fact that boys spend more time playing games and girls spend more time chatting online. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends or differences. For example, it does not mention that the majority of both boys and girls spend 1-3 hours per day on their chosen activity.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. For example, the essay could begin by stating that the chart shows that boys are more likely to spend time playing games, while girls are more likely to spend time chatting online. The essay could then go on to provide more specific details about the data, such as the percentage of boys and girls who spend different amounts of time on each activity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner and demonstrates a clear overall progression. The writer organizes the content into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices, as certain phrases and transitions may come across as mechanical or unclear. For instance, the phrase "completely different trends can be seen" lacks a smooth transition to the subsequent comparison, which could confuse the reader. Additionally, while the central topics of boys and girls are clearly presented, the referencing could be improved for clarity. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6, as it arranges information coherently but has some flaws in cohesion and paragraphing.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Clarifying references and avoiding mechanical phrasing will also help improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphing is logical and that each paragraph clearly supports the main topic will strengthen the overall organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "favor," "participated," and "enrolling," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "spent most of their time in games online" and "the majority of boys spent more than an hour per day playing games." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and collocation, such as "4 hours plus" instead of "more than 4 hours." While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do indicate a need for improvement in precision and range.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition and improve the overall fluency of the text. Additionally, paying attention to collocations and ensuring correct word forms will contribute to clearer and more sophisticated expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. There are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as in the phrase "10 to 15-year-old," which should be "10 to 15-year-olds." Additionally, phrases like "participated in console daily" lack clarity and proper structure. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the main points being conveyed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence formations and ensuring that all parts of the sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, enhancing punctuation usage and ensuring clarity in phrasing will improve overall coherence. Regular practice with feedback can help identify common errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the average time spent by UK teenagers aged 10 to 15 on two activities: chatting online and playing computer games.

What stands out from the given chart is that boys spend most of their time playing games online, while girls prefer chatting on the internet. However, completely different trends can be observed when examining the specific figures for boys and girls.

Boys aged 10 to 15 clearly favor playing on game consoles over chatting online. According to the chart, roughly 85% of boys participated in console gaming daily, compared to around 55% who chatted online. Furthermore, the majority of boys spent more than an hour per day playing games, with approximately 10% of them dedicating over 4 hours to this activity.

In contrast, the survey indicates that girls prefer chatting online to playing games. Most girls spent 1 to 3 hours a day chatting, while 10% spent over 4 hours on this activity. Meanwhile, almost 40% of girls spent less than an hour per day playing game consoles, with a minority engaging in gaming for over 4 hours a day.