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The graph below shows the average closing prices of selected precious metals from 2013 to 2021 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparison where relevant

The graph below shows the average closing prices of selected precious metals from 2013 to 2021
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparison where relevant

The line chart illustrates the average closing prices of specific valuable metals between 2013 and 2021.
In general, the closing prices of Gold and Platinum have increased throughout the period of time. Despite the high value of its two companions, Platinum facing a steadily decreased in prices among the three.
In 2013, with a low point started prices at approximately $750 per oz, Palladium took a sharp escalation from around $600 in 2016 to around $2400 at its peak in 2021 after witnessing a slight decrease in value in the first 4 years.
Gold and Platinum are two minerals that roughly have the same beginning range of prices from the 2013 to 2015 period. The significant changes started to happen in the following years when Gold’s prices hovered around $1100 to $1250 area, in the meantime, Platinum took a different path by dropping its value from $1000 per oz to approximately $800 per oz in between 2016 and 2020. Nevertheless, things started to become more optimistic in the final year when Palladium's closing prices climbed up to lightly above the $1000 price mark, but compared to the first year, it is still a long way to reach back to the initial price.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "valuable metals" -> "precious metals"
    Explanation: Replacing "valuable metals" with "precious metals" is more accurate and refined, as "precious metals" specifically refers to metals with high economic value, such as gold, platinum, and palladium.

  2. "increased throughout the period of time" -> "exhibited a consistent upward trend over the given period"
    Explanation: Substituting "increased throughout the period of time" with "exhibited a consistent upward trend over the given period" provides a more precise and formal description of the price changes, emphasizing the sustained nature of the increase.

  3. "steadily decreased in prices" -> "experienced a continuous decline in prices"
    Explanation: Changing "steadily decreased in prices" to "experienced a continuous decline in prices" enhances clarity and uses a more sophisticated expression to convey the persistent decrease in platinum prices.

  4. "took a sharp escalation" -> "experienced a substantial surge"
    Explanation: Replacing "took a sharp escalation" with "experienced a substantial surge" adds sophistication and precision to the description of the rapid increase in palladium prices.

  5. "witnessing a slight decrease in value" -> "undergoing a modest decline in value"
    Explanation: Substituting "witnessing a slight decrease in value" with "undergoing a modest decline in value" maintains clarity while using more nuanced language to describe the minor drop in palladium’s value.

  6. "Gold and Platinum are two minerals" -> "Gold and Platinum are two metallic elements"
    Explanation: Changing "Gold and Platinum are two minerals" to "Gold and Platinum are two metallic elements" provides a more accurate description, as gold and platinum are elements, not minerals.

  7. "roughly have the same beginning range of prices" -> "initially exhibited comparable price ranges"
    Explanation: Replacing "roughly have the same beginning range of prices" with "initially exhibited comparable price ranges" conveys the idea more precisely and in a more formal tone.

  8. "hovered around $1100 to $1250 area" -> "fluctuated within the range of $1100 to $1250"
    Explanation: Substituting "hovered around $1100 to $1250 area" with "fluctuated within the range of $1100 to $1250" provides a more accurate description of the price movement and avoids unnecessary informality.

  9. "things started to become more optimistic" -> "a more positive trend emerged"
    Explanation: Changing "things started to become more optimistic" to "a more positive trend emerged" maintains formality and conveys the change in a more refined manner.

  10. "climbed up to lightly above the $1000 price mark" -> "ascended slightly above the $1000 threshold"
    Explanation: Replacing "climbed up to lightly above the $1000 price mark" with "ascended slightly above the $1000 threshold" offers a more precise and formal description of the increase in Palladium’s closing prices.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the average closing prices of selected precious metals from 2013 to 2021. It highlights key features and makes relevant comparisons, demonstrating a reasonable understanding of the data. The overall structure is coherent, and the information is presented in a logical sequence.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and potentially reach a higher band score, consider expanding on the analysis of key features. While the essay adequately highlights the trends in Gold, Platinum, and Palladium, providing more specific data points and elaborating on the reasons behind the observed changes would strengthen the response. Additionally, ensure that the language used is consistently precise and accurate throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. There is a general organization of information, and there is a clear overall progression in discussing the closing prices of precious metals. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more refined, and some sentences lack clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Cohesive Devices: While the essay uses cohesive devices, there are areas where the use can be more refined. Pay attention to the flow between sentences and ensure a smoother transition between ideas.

  2. Sentence Clarity: Some sentences are a bit convoluted, affecting overall clarity. Review sentence structures to enhance clarity, especially in complex statements.

  3. Consistent Referencing: Ensure consistent referencing when discussing the metals (Gold, Platinum, Palladium). Maintain clarity in connecting ideas and avoid potential confusion for the reader.

  4. Logical Paragraphing: The essay employs paragraphing, but it could be more logically structured. Each paragraph should present a clear central topic, enhancing overall coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, moving towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like "average closing prices," "valuable metals," and specific metal names such as "Gold," "Platinum," and "Palladium." The writer attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, as seen in phrases like "sharp escalation" and "steadily decreased," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph, discussing the trends of Gold, Platinum, and Palladium over the specified period.

While the essay generally communicates the main features of the graph, there are occasional errors in word choice, such as "companions" when referring to metals. Additionally, the phrase "more optimistic" may not be the most precise term to describe the positive trend in closing prices. There are also instances of spelling errors, such as "lightly" instead of "slightly" and "a long way to reach back," which might affect the overall clarity of the message.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary consistently. Avoiding minor inaccuracies and errors in word choice, collocation, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score. Proofreading for clarity and choosing the most appropriate terms will improve the overall lexical control of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures. Sentences are generally error-free, and there is evident control of grammar and punctuation. The writer successfully communicates the main features of the graph, providing comparisons between the precious metals. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly impact the overall fluency and precision of expression.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, pay closer attention to sentence structures. While the essay is generally error-free, some sentences could be refined for smoother expression. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay to improve overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart delineates the mean closing prices of specific precious metals from 2013 to 2021. Overall, Gold and Platinum exhibited a consistent upward trend in closing prices over the given timeframe, whereas Palladium experienced a remarkable surge after a brief initial decline.

Commencing with Gold and Platinum, both metals initiated the period with comparable price ranges, spanning from 2013 to 2015. Subsequently, Gold displayed fluctuations, ranging between approximately $1100 and $1250, while Platinum diverged by undergoing a reduction from $1000 per ounce to about $800 per ounce between 2016 and 2020. In the final year, there was a positive shift in Platinum’s trajectory, closing at a marginally higher than $1000. Despite this improvement, it remained distant from its initial price in 2013.

Conversely, Palladium witnessed a distinctive pattern. Beginning in 2013 at around $750 per ounce, it experienced a notable increase in 2016, reaching approximately $2400 at its zenith in 2021. This impressive surge followed a marginal decline in the initial four years.

In conclusion, while Gold and Platinum demonstrated a gradual increase in closing prices, Palladium emerged as the standout performer with a substantial rise, despite a brief dip in its early years.

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