The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates data about the percentage of average monthly change prices of three types of metal including Copper, Nickel, Zinc in 2014.

Overall, there is an upward trend in the changing price of Zinc, while in January, it accounted for the lowest rate, however at the end of year it occupied the first position. In contrast, the fluctuation in price of Nickel was highest at the beginning and decreased significantly in timeframe and made it become lowest in the group.

In January, 6%of change in price was the highest number and it is marked for Nickel. Next 2 months, the number decreased dramatically to around 1% and constantly went down to May after hitting the trough at -3% in June. However, in the remaining half of the year, it recovered and ended at 1%. Especially, 1% also the rate of change in price of Zinc in January, however, it fluctuated with 2 times hitted the troughs at -1% in June and October before being the highest rate in December at exactly 2%.

The percentage of changing price of Copper in January was 2% and the end of period was approximately 1.5 percent. It had the fluctuation pricing amplitude lower than pricing of 2 metals mentioned, with the gap never over 2.5%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"average monthly change prices" -> "average monthly price changes"
Explanation: The phrase "average monthly change prices" is awkward and unclear. "Average monthly price changes" is more natural and precise, aligning better with formal academic language.
"including Copper, Nickel, Zinc" -> "comprising Copper, Nickel, and Zinc"
Explanation: "Including" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Comprising" is more formal and suitable for listing items in a formal context.
"there is an upward trend" -> "there is a general upward trend"
Explanation: Adding "general" clarifies that the trend is not absolute but rather a tendency, which is more accurate in describing the data.
"however at the end of year it occupied the first position" -> "however, by the end of the year, it had reached the highest position"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version is clearer and more formal.
"the fluctuation in price of Nickel was highest at the beginning and decreased significantly in timeframe and made it become lowest in the group" -> "the price of Nickel fluctuated significantly at the beginning, decreasing substantially throughout the timeframe and ultimately becoming the lowest in the group"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. The revision clarifies the sequence of events and uses more precise language.
"6%of change in price was the highest number" -> "the highest percentage of change in price was 6%"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the structure and clarifies the meaning.
"Next 2 months, the number decreased dramatically to around 1% and constantly went down to May" -> "Over the next two months, the percentage decreased dramatically to around 1% and continued to decline through May"
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. The revision is more formal and clearly specifies the time period.
"hitted the troughs" -> "hit the troughs"
Explanation: "Hitted" is a spelling error. Correcting it to "hit" maintains the formal tone.
"especially, 1% also the rate of change in price of Zinc in January" -> "notably, the rate of change in price of Zinc in January was also 1%"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The revision improves readability and formality.
"it fluctuated with 2 times hitted the troughs" -> "it fluctuated twice, hitting troughs"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and simplifies the expression.
"The percentage of changing price of Copper in January was 2% and the end of period was approximately 1.5 percent" -> "The percentage change in Copper’s price in January was 2%, and it ended the period at approximately 1.5%"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.
"It had the fluctuation pricing amplitude lower than pricing of 2 metals mentioned" -> "Its price fluctuations were less pronounced than those of the other two metals"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision is more concise and uses more precise academic language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the graph, including the overall trends for each metal. It also highlights some key features, such as the highest and lowest points for each metal. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the price of Nickel decreased significantly in timeframe, but the graph shows that the price of Nickel fluctuated throughout the year.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features of the graph. For example, the essay could state the exact percentage change in price for each metal at the highest and lowest points. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the metals. For example, the essay could state that the price of Zinc increased by a greater percentage than the price of Copper over the course of the year.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. The ideas are somewhat connected, but the transitions between sentences and paragraphs are not always clear, leading to confusion in the reader’s understanding. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sections appearing as run-on sentences rather than distinct paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with distinct paragraphs that each present a single main idea. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more logically. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated and supported with relevant data will improve the overall clarity and flow of the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and punctuation will help eliminate mechanical errors that disrupt coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the graph, the vocabulary used is basic, and there are noticeable errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the changing price of Zinc" and "the percentage of changing price of Copper." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "hitted" instead of "hit" and "occupy the first position" which is awkwardly phrased. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to data analysis and trends. Additionally, improving the accuracy of word choice and ensuring correct spelling and word formation will help convey the message more clearly. Practicing with synonyms and collocations, as well as reviewing grammar and structure, can further elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the percentage of average monthly change prices" and "the fluctuation pricing amplitude lower than pricing of 2 metals mentioned" are unclear and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing spaces and incorrect use of commas, further detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.

How to improve:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that effectively combine ideas. This will demonstrate a better command of grammatical range.
Focus on Clarity: Ensure that phrases are clear and grammatically correct. For example, rephrase awkward constructions to improve readability, such as changing "the percentage of average monthly change prices" to "the average monthly percentage change in prices."
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. This will help to produce more error-free sentences and improve overall accuracy.
Use of Linking Words: Employ linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument and comparisons being made.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph illustrates data about the percentage of average monthly change in prices of three types of metals, including Copper, Nickel, and Zinc, in 2014.

Overall, there is an upward trend in the changing price of Zinc, which accounted for the lowest rate in January but occupied the first position by the end of the year. In contrast, the fluctuation in the price of Nickel was highest at the beginning of the year and decreased significantly over time, making it the lowest in the group by the end of the period.

In January, the change in price for Nickel was the highest at 6%. In the following two months, this figure decreased dramatically to around 1% and continued to decline until it hit a trough of -3% in June. However, in the remaining half of the year, it recovered and ended at 1%. Similarly, the rate of change in price for Zinc in January was also 1%. This metal experienced fluctuations, hitting troughs of -1% in June and October before reaching the highest rate in December at exactly 2%.

The percentage of change in price for Copper in January was 2%, and by the end of the period, it was approximately 1.5%. Its price fluctuations were lower than those of the two metals mentioned, with the gap never exceeding 2.5%.