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The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The line graph indicates the cost average monthly of copper,nickel and zinc change in different period from 2014.

Overall, the proportion change of ZInc increased slightly while the figure of nickel experienced significant decrease. Moreover, the copper slightly increased over 12-year period.

As can be seen,from January to June, the figure of nickel beginning at 6% and reached a bottom at -3%, it decreased three times as many as it was in January. Then it recovered to -1% in July and witnessed a fluctuated in October. In the next two months, it surge dramatically which reached 1%.

On the other hand, the figure of Zinc declined dramatically from 5-month period,. in december it doubled as it was in January. Meanwhile the Copper from January to June it decreased moderately at almost 0 and recovered approximately 2 in December.

Vocabulary Improvements

  1. “cost average monthly” -> “monthly average cost”
    Explanation: Reversing the order of “average monthly cost” to “monthly average cost” is a more standard and natural way to phrase this concept.
  2. “change in different period” -> “variations over various periods”
    Explanation: Replacing “change in different period” with “variations over various periods” conveys the idea more clearly and uses a more sophisticated vocabulary.
  3. “proportion change of ZInc” -> “percentage change in zinc”
    Explanation: “Percentage change in zinc” is a more precise way to express the concept, and it follows proper capitalization rules.
  4. “experienced significant decrease” -> “underwent a substantial decrease”
    Explanation: “Underwent a substantial decrease” is a more advanced and descriptive phrase that enhances the essay’s vocabulary.
  5. “copper slightly increased” -> “copper experienced a slight increase”
    Explanation: The phrase “copper experienced a slight increase” provides a more detailed and formal description of the change.
  6. “from January to June, the figure of nickel” -> “Between January and June, the nickel figure”
    Explanation: This change improves the sentence’s flow and clarity by rearranging the words and using “between” to indicate a specific time frame.
  7. “beginning at 6%” -> “starting at 6%”
    Explanation: “Starting at 6%” is a more precise way to describe the initial value.
  8. “it decreased three times as many as it was in January” -> “it decreased threefold compared to January”
    Explanation: “It decreased threefold compared to January” is a more concise and precise expression of the reduction.
  9. “witnessed a fluctuated in October” -> “experienced fluctuations in October”
    Explanation: “Experienced fluctuations in October” conveys the idea more clearly and uses the appropriate verb form.
  10. “it surge dramatically” -> “it surged dramatically”
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form by changing “surge” to “surged” ensures grammatical accuracy.
  11. “declined dramatically from 5-month period” -> “experienced a dramatic decline over a 5-month period”
    Explanation: This change provides a clearer and more descriptive explanation of the decline’s duration.
  12. “in december it doubled as it was in January” -> “In December, it doubled compared to January.”
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison between December and January and uses proper capitalization for the month name.
  13. “Meanwhile the Copper” -> “Meanwhile, copper”
    Explanation: Adding a comma after “Meanwhile” clarifies the sentence structure and makes it more readable.

 

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

Explanation:
The essay provided falls into the 4.0 band category for Task Achievement. This score is primarily attributed to the essay’s shortcomings in meeting the task’s requirements and the limited coverage of key features.

Here are the specific issues that contributed to the 4.0 score:

  1. Word Count: The essay does not meet the minimum word count requirement of at least 150 words, as specified in the task prompt. This significant shortfall in word count hampers the ability to provide a comprehensive response.
  2. Limited Coverage: The essay attempts to summarize the information regarding the monthly changes in the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc during 2014. However, it lacks the necessary detail and comprehensiveness required to fully address the task. The coverage of key features is insufficient.
  3. Lack of Clarity: There are several instances of unclear or confusing language in the essay. For example, “the proportion change of Zinc increased slightly” is not clear, and “it decreased three times as many as it was in January” is unclear and imprecise.
  4. Inadequate Data Presentation: The essay provides some data points but does not effectively present them. For instance, the information related to the percentage changes in nickel, zinc, and copper lacks proper organization and clarity.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, the essay should address the following points:

  1. Meet the Word Count Requirement: Ensure that the essay contains at least 150 words to provide a more comprehensive response.
  2. Comprehensive Coverage: Thoroughly analyze and summarize the information presented in the graph. Include key trends, variations, and comparisons as required by the task.
  3. Clarity and Precision: Use clear and precise language to convey information. Avoid ambiguous statements and ensure that data is presented accurately.
  4. Proper Data Presentation: Organize the data in a clear and structured manner. Use appropriate transitions and labels to guide the reader through the information.
  5. Review and Edit: Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and improve overall coherence and cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can better fulfill the task requirements and aim for a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. The overall progression of ideas is somewhat clear, with an attempt to organize information chronologically. However, there are instances of unclear referencing and faulty cohesion, particularly in sentences such as “Overall, the proportion change of ZInc increased slightly,” where there are spelling errors and unclear phrasing. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity and coherence, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Paragraphing is attempted, but it is not always logical, and there is room for improvement in the overall organization of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Clarity and Precision: Ensure that ideas are expressed clearly and precisely. Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling to enhance the overall readability.
  2. Logical Organization: Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas. Ensure that there is a clear and consistent progression of information, especially when discussing the changes in metal prices.
  3. Cohesive Devices: Make effective use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Avoid repetitive or inaccurate use of terms.
  4. Paragraph Structure: Refine paragraphing to create a more logically structured essay. Each paragraph should focus on a central topic or idea, contributing to the overall coherence of the response.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as “fluctuated” and “dramatically,” but with some inaccuracy. The use of vocabulary contributes to a generally clear understanding of the information presented in the graph. However, there are notable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, which slightly impede communication. For instance, “the proportion change of ZInc,” where “ZInc” should be spelled as “Zinc,” and “witnessed a fluctuated” should be “witnessed fluctuations.”

How to improve:

  1. Accuracy in Vocabulary Usage: Be mindful of using less common vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice. Proofread to correct errors, such as “ZInc” to “Zinc.”
  2. Spelling and Word Formation: Carefully review your essay to identify and correct spelling and word formation errors. For example, “fluctuated” should be “fluctuations,” and “surge dramatically which reached 1%” could be improved to “surged dramatically, reaching 1%.”
  3. Sentence Structure: Enhance sentence structure for better clarity. For instance, the sentence “The line graph indicates the cost average monthly of copper, nickel, and zinc change in different period from 2014” could be improved for smoother readability, like “The line graph depicts the average monthly price changes of copper, nickel, and zinc over the period of 2014.”

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates several grammatical issues that impact its clarity and coherence. The use of sentence structures is limited and often lacks complexity. There are frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. These errors hinder the reader’s understanding of the content and distort the meaning.

Examples of grammatical issues:

  1. “The line graph indicates the cost average monthly of copper,nickel and zinc change in different period from 2014.” – This sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
  2. “Overall, the proportion change of ZInc increased slightly while the figure of nickel experienced significant decrease.” – There are issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
  3. “As can be seen,from January to June, the figure of nickel beginning at 6% and reached a bottom at -3%, it decreased three times as many as it was in January.” – This sentence is confusing due to its structure, and there are errors in tense and word choice.

Overall, the essay struggles with basic grammatical accuracy and uses a limited range of sentence structures, which is reflected in the band score of 4.0.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay, the writer should focus on the following:

  1. Sentence Structure: Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance clarity and coherence.
  2. Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure that sentences are grammatically correct.
  3. Verb Tenses: Maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay to avoid confusion.
  4. Punctuation: Use proper punctuation, including commas and periods, to separate ideas and improve readability.
  5. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors.

By addressing these issues, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Improved IELTS Task 1 Report:

The provided line graph illustrates the average monthly price fluctuations of three metals, namely copper, nickel, and zinc, throughout the year 2014.

Introduction:
The graph delineates the monthly variations in the cost of copper, nickel, and zinc over the course of 2014.

Overview:
In general, zinc experienced a marginal increase in its percentage change, while nickel underwent a substantial decline. Concurrently, copper exhibited a slight overall increase during the 12-month period.

Detailed Analysis:
Commencing from January to June, the percentage change for nickel initiated at 6%, plummeting to -3%, indicating a threefold decrease compared to January. Subsequently, there was a recovery to -1% in July, followed by fluctuations in October. The last two months witnessed a noteworthy surge, culminating at 1%.

Conversely, zinc witnessed a sharp decline over a five-month duration, doubling in December compared to January. Simultaneously, copper exhibited a moderate decrease from January to June, hovering around zero, and then experienced a recovery to approximately 2% in December.

In summary, while zinc demonstrated a significant fluctuation, nickel experienced a notable decrease, and copper displayed a marginal increase throughout the observed period.

 

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