The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make the comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

The diagram illustrates the average monthly changes in the prices of three metals: copper, nickel, and zinc in 2014. Overall, these metals fluctuated throughout various months, particularly the price of copper, which was the most unpredictable during this period when the rate of this element reached the peak also the lowest point during this period. The costs of the other metals, such as nickel and zinc, also varied, albeit at a lower rate of change.
Firstly, in January, it can be realized that the nickel reached a peak of the diagram of 6% while the changes in other metal were modest with 2% for copper and just 1% for zinc. Secondly, in February and March, there was a dramatic decrease of nickel from 6% to 1%. Furthermore, the price of copper experienced the gradual decline about 1.5%; however, the price of zinc steadily increased in February but similarly decreased in following month.
Secondly, in the period of next three months from April to June, initially, the rate of zinc remained unstable but this reached the lowest point in 2014 with -3 percent in following 2 months. Additionally, this occurred similarly to the copper and zinc with notable dip. Following that in next three months, the cost of three metals including copper, nickel and zinc altogether remained static in 1%, -0.5 percent and –0,1 percent, respectively. Finally, in the last three months of 2024, all of the metals show a constant growth after falling in a significant period when copper and zinc increased approximately 1% while nickel remained unstable in November and December.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the average monthly changes" -> "The diagram depicts the average monthly fluctuations"
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and formal than "illustrates" in this context, and "fluctuations" is a more specific term than "changes" for describing variations in data over time.
"the price of copper, which was the most unpredictable" -> "the price of copper, which exhibited the greatest variability"
Explanation: "Exhibited the greatest variability" is more precise and academically appropriate than "was the most unpredictable," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the rate of this element reached the peak also the lowest point" -> "the rate of this element reached both the peak and the lowest point"
Explanation: "Both the peak and the lowest point" clarifies the intended meaning, avoiding the awkward and unclear phrase "the peak also the lowest point."
"the costs of the other metals, such as nickel and zinc, also varied" -> "the prices of the other metals, namely nickel and zinc, also fluctuated"
Explanation: "Prices" is more specific to the context of economic data, and "namely" is more formal than "such as." Additionally, "fluctuated" is more precise than "varied" in describing changes in economic data.
"it can be realized" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is more direct and formal than "it can be realized," which sounds tentative and less academic.
"a dramatic decrease of nickel from 6% to 1%" -> "a significant decrease in the price of nickel from 6% to 1%"
Explanation: Adding "in the price of" clarifies the subject and makes the phrase more specific and formal.
"the price of copper experienced the gradual decline about 1.5%" -> "the price of copper experienced a gradual decline of approximately 1.5%"
Explanation: "A gradual decline of approximately" is more precise and formal than "the gradual decline about," which is less clear and less formal.
"the rate of zinc remained unstable but this reached the lowest point" -> "the rate of zinc remained unstable, reaching its lowest point"
Explanation: Removing "but this" clarifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone.
"notable dip" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: "Significant decline" is more specific and formal than "notable dip," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the cost of three metals including copper, nickel and zinc altogether remained static" -> "the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc collectively remained stable"
Explanation: "Collectively remained stable" is more precise and formal than "albeit remained static," which is awkwardly phrased and less formal.
"all of the metals show a constant growth" -> "all the metals exhibited consistent growth"
Explanation: "Exhibited consistent growth" is more formal and precise than "show a constant growth," which is less formal and slightly vague.
"increased approximately 1%" -> "increased by approximately 1%"
Explanation: "Increased by approximately 1%" is grammatically correct and more formal than "increased approximately 1%."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the text, aligning it with the standards of formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, focusing on individual months rather than on overall patterns. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that the price of zinc remained unstable from April to June.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the price of copper fluctuated the most, while the prices of nickel and zinc were more stable. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. For example, the essay could state that the price of zinc actually increased from April to June. Finally, the essay could be improved by using more appropriate language. For example, the essay could use the phrase "experienced a sharp decline" instead of "decreased dramatically."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe the changes in metal prices, the flow of ideas is not always clear, leading to confusion. For instance, the transition between months and the discussion of price changes lacks coherence, and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate. There are instances of repetition and vague references, which detract from the clarity of the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not logically structured, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument effectively.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the main features of the data presented. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately would help in linking ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring logical progression between sentences and paragraphs would improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, revising the structure to include more distinct paragraphs for different aspects of the data would aid in clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in metal prices, the vocabulary used is basic and occasionally repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the peak also the lowest point" and "the changes in other metal were modest," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are spelling and grammatical errors, such as "the price of zinc steadily increased in February but similarly decreased in following month," which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the essay does not fully meet the criteria for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary, including more precise and less common lexical items. It is also important to ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context and that collocations are used correctly. Reducing grammatical errors and improving spelling will further aid in achieving a higher band score. Practicing with synonyms and more complex sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts are often inaccurate. There are several grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and punctuation issues (e.g., "the rate of this element reached the peak also the lowest point" lacks clarity and proper conjunction). While some sentences convey meaning, the frequent errors can cause difficulty for the reader, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to enhance clarity and coherence in writing.
Error Checking: Review the essay for grammatical errors and correct them before submission. This includes ensuring subject-verb agreement and proper use of conjunctions.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and rectify common grammatical mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, in January, it can be observed that nickel reached a peak of 6%, while the changes in the other metals were modest, with 2% for copper and just 1% for zinc. Secondly, in February and March, there was a dramatic decrease in nickel from 6% to 1%. Furthermore, the price of copper experienced a gradual decline of about 1.5%; however, the price of zinc steadily increased in February but similarly decreased in the following month.

In the next three months from April to June, the rate of zinc remained unstable, reaching its lowest point in 2014 at -3% over the following two months. Additionally, this was mirrored by notable dips in the prices of copper and nickel. Following that, in the next three months, the costs of the three metals, including copper, nickel, and zinc, remained relatively static at 1%, -0.5%, and -0.1%, respectively. Finally, in the last three months of 2014, all of the metals showed consistent growth after a significant decline, with copper and zinc increasing by approximately 1%, while nickel remained unstable in November and December.