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the graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

the graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The line chart gives information about how access to modern technology changed in the UK from 1994/95 to 2008.
Overall, the access of all technology items became more common over time. However, it should be noted that all the items did not initially appear at the same time in the given timeframe.
In 1994/95, nearly half the UK households had access to CD players. The number then increased gradually and peaked at almost 90% before decreasing to 85% in2008. CD players therefore rank second in terms of accessibility. In 1996/97, mobile was started to be surveyed. It was owned by under a fifth (18%) of homes. After that, this data rose considerably until 2004/05, followed by a plateau for the remaining years at about 80%.
Returning to 1998/99, a tenth of the UK houses began to use the internet. Ten years later, internet connection was on track for a record year with 65%. Regarding DVD player, not until 2002/03 was it used by more than a third of the UK households, though this figure grew significantly and reached its highest point at 85%, becoming the most accessed item throughout the period.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Overall, the access of all technology items became more common over time." -> "Overall, the prevalence of all technological items increased over time."
    Explanation: Replacing "access" with "prevalence" elevates the vocabulary by using a more precise term to describe the growing commonality of technological items.

  2. "However, it should be noted that all the items did not initially appear at the same time in the given timeframe." -> "However, it is important to acknowledge that the introduction of these items did not occur simultaneously within the specified timeframe."
    Explanation: Substituting "should be noted" with "it is important to acknowledge" enhances the formality of the sentence, and replacing "appear" with "introduction" provides a more accurate and sophisticated description.

  3. "CD players therefore rank second in terms of accessibility." -> "CD players consequently hold the second position in terms of prevalence."
    Explanation: Replacing "rank" with "hold the second position" and "accessibility" with "prevalence" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  4. "In 1996/97, mobile was started to be surveyed." -> "In 1996/97, mobile devices began to be surveyed."
    Explanation: Substituting "mobile" with "mobile devices" and "started to be surveyed" with "began to be surveyed" provides a more specific and grammatically correct expression.

  5. "It was owned by under a fifth (18%) of homes." -> "It was owned by fewer than a fifth (18%) of households."
    Explanation: Changing "under" to "fewer than" improves the precision of the statement, and replacing "homes" with "households" is a more formal term.

  6. "After that, this data rose considerably until 2004/05, followed by a plateau for the remaining years at about 80%." -> "Subsequently, this data witnessed a substantial increase until 2004/05, followed by a plateau for the subsequent years, stabilizing at approximately 80%."
    Explanation: Using "witnessed" instead of "rose considerably" adds specificity, and the rephrased sentence provides a more detailed and formal account of the data trend.

  7. "Returning to 1998/99, a tenth of the UK houses began to use the internet." -> "Reverting to 1998/99, one-tenth of UK households commenced using the internet."
    Explanation: "Returning to" is replaced with "Reverting to" for a more formal tone, and "houses" is changed to "households" for a more accurate and sophisticated term.

  8. "Ten years later, internet connection was on track for a record year with 65%." -> "A decade later, internet connectivity was poised for a record year at 65%."
    Explanation: Replacing "Ten years later" with "A decade later" adds variety, and "on track for a record year" is substituted with "poised for a record year" for a more refined expression.

  9. "Regarding DVD player, not until 2002/03 was it used by more than a third of the UK households…" -> "As for DVD players, it was not until 2002/03 that usage exceeded a third of UK households…"
    Explanation: Introducing "As for" adds formality, and rephrasing "not until" to "it was not until" enhances the structure of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the changing patterns of access to modern technology in the UK over the specified timeframe. Key features and bullet points are presented and highlighted, contributing to a comprehensive understanding of the data. The progression of technology access is well-documented, with a focus on CD players, mobile phones, internet usage, and DVD players. The essay effectively captures the trends and variations in technology adoption.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and move towards a higher band score, consider extending the analysis of key features and bullet points. While the overview is clear, providing more detailed insights into the significance of the trends and their implications could strengthen the essay. Additionally, ensuring precise and accurate language usage will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated presentation. Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence for a smoother flow of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph presents a central topic, contributing to overall coherence. The sequencing of information is effective, particularly in highlighting the chronological development of technology access in the UK. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, aiding in the overall flow of the essay. However, there are occasional instances of underuse or overuse of cohesive devices. Paragraphing is mostly sufficient and contributes to the overall organization of the essay.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure consistent and balanced use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid any under- or overuse. Additionally, maintain logical paragraphing consistently, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and contributes to the overall progression of ideas. Consider refining the transitions between sentences for smoother connectivity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of changing technology access in the UK. There’s an attempt to incorporate specific terms related to technology items like CD players, mobile phones, internet, and DVD players. Additionally, the essay uses some varied expressions, such as "peaked at," "plateau," and "record year," enhancing lexical diversity.

However, there are areas for improvement. The vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated to achieve a higher band score. While the essay attempts to introduce a range of technology-related terms, it lacks depth and precision in word choice at times, resulting in repetitive use of phrases like "access to modern technology" and "UK households." Some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation slightly hinder the precision and fluency of expression.

How to Improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for greater precision and variety in vocabulary. Explore synonyms and more nuanced terms related to technology access. Focus on accurate word choice and collocation to convey ideas with greater sophistication and clarity. Consider refining sentence structures to incorporate a wider range of lexical items seamlessly. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in word usage and collocation could further improve the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of varied sentence structures and attempts to incorporate a mix of complex and simple sentence forms to convey information about the changing patterns of access to modern technology in the UK. The essay maintains a relatively good control of grammar and punctuation throughout, producing frequent error-free sentences. There is an effort to employ diverse structures, albeit with occasional errors that do not significantly hinder the communication of ideas. The essay effectively conveys the chronological changes in technology accessibility while using a range of sentence structures.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, focus on refining sentence structures for better coherence and precision. Reviewing and revising for minor errors in subject-verb agreements, verb tenses, and word choice could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Additionally, strive for more precise expression of relationships between data points to strengthen the clarity of information presented. Consider paying closer attention to the use of prepositions, verb forms, and article usage to minimize errors and refine the essay’s grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented line chart delineates the evolving trends in the accessibility of modern technology in UK households from 1994/95 to 2008.

Introduction:
The line chart illustrates changes in the prevalence of various modern technological items within UK households over the specified time frame.

Overview:
Overall, the accessibility of all featured technology items exhibited an upward trajectory. However, it is crucial to note that the introduction of these items did not occur simultaneously.

Detailed Paragraphs:

In the initial year of 1994/95, approximately half of the households in the UK possessed CD players. This percentage steadily rose, reaching a peak of almost 90% before experiencing a slight decline to 85% in 2008. CD players held the second-highest position in terms of accessibility during the entire period.

The survey for mobile phone ownership commenced in 1996/97, revealing that only 18% of homes owned one. Subsequently, this figure saw a substantial increase until 2004/05, after which it plateaued at around 80% for the remaining years.

In the year 1998/99, internet usage in UK households began, with 10% adopting this technology. A decade later, the adoption rate surged to 65%, marking a notable record year for internet connectivity.

Turning to DVD players, their prevalence was minimal until 2002/03, with just over a third of UK households utilizing them. However, this figure witnessed significant growth, reaching its pinnacle at 85%, making it the most widely accessed technological item throughout the entire period.

In summary, the data underscores a general trend of increased access to modern technology in UK households over the specified timeframe, with variations in the adoption rates of specific items.

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