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The graph below shows the number of students graduating in different sience subject areas in one country between 2004 and 2016 (and predicted figures for 2020) Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows the number of students graduating in different sience subject areas in one country between 2004 and 2016 (and predicted figures for 2020)
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The given line graph depicts the amount of students graduating in five science subjects in one nation from 2004 to 2016 and extending to projected figures to 2020.

Overall, it can be observed that the trend of students graduating is upward. Students graduating in Biological science increased far higher between 2004 and 2016. On the other hand, the students graduating in computer science kept declining through the years.

Beginning with 100000 students in 2004, Biological science showed an amazing climb and doubled the number of students graduating in 2016, this number is expected to reach nearly 250000 in the next 4 years.

Computer science and Physical science had a different start with 140000 and 80000 students each. However, students graduating from CS kept going down while PS kept increasing and finally met at nearly 100000 students in 2016. Both areas were predicted to have fewer students graduating by 2020.

Mathematical and Agricultural sciences had the least students graduating. MS had only 50000 students in the beginning and even hit a bottom in 2008 with nearly 30000 students, this line rose steadily back in 2012 with 50000 students and remained stable until 2020. Between 2004 and 2016, students graduating from AS level off around 20000 students and expected to climb to nearly 70000 students in the future.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "depicts the amount of students" -> "illustrates the number of students"
    Explanation: Replacing "depicts the amount of students" with "illustrates the number of students" uses a more precise term ("number") and enhances the clarity of the sentence.

  2. "graduating in five science subjects" -> "graduating in five scientific disciplines"
    Explanation: Substituting "science subjects" with "scientific disciplines" is more precise and reflects a higher level of vocabulary suitable for an academic context.

  3. "Biological science increased far higher" -> "Biological science experienced a significantly greater increase"
    Explanation: The phrase "increased far higher" is imprecise and colloquial. Using "experienced a significantly greater increase" is more formal and precise.

  4. "kept declining through the years" -> "persistently declined over time"
    Explanation: "Kept declining through the years" can be improved by using "persistently declined over time," which is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "Beginning with 100000 students" -> "Commencing with 100,000 students"
    Explanation: Using "commencing" instead of "beginning" adds a touch of formality to the sentence, which is appropriate for an academic essay.

  6. "this number is expected to reach nearly 250000" -> "this figure is projected to approach nearly 250,000"
    Explanation: "Number" can be replaced with "figure" for more precision, and "expected" can be replaced with "projected" for a more academic tone.

  7. "students graduating from CS" -> "students graduating in computer science"
    Explanation: Using "students graduating in computer science" is more specific and avoids the ambiguity of "CS," which could be interpreted differently.

  8. "both areas were predicted to have fewer students graduating" -> "both fields were anticipated to experience a decline in graduating students"
    Explanation: The phrase "predicted to have fewer students graduating" can be refined to "anticipated to experience a decline in graduating students" for a more formal and descriptive wording.

  9. "Mathematical and Agricultural sciences" -> "Mathematics and Agricultural sciences"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "Mathematical" makes it consistent with "Agricultural" and maintains grammatical correctness.

  10. "hit a bottom in 2008" -> "reached a nadir in 2008"
    Explanation: Replacing "hit a bottom" with "reached a nadir" employs a more sophisticated term and enhances the essay’s vocabulary.

  11. "students graduating from AS level off around 20000 students" -> "the number of students graduating from AS plateaued at around 20,000"
    Explanation: "Level off" can be replaced with "plateaued" to provide a more precise description of the stabilization in the number of students graduating.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay provides a reasonably clear overview of the main trends in the data, including comparisons between different science subject areas. It identifies the overall upward trend in students graduating and highlights key points about each subject area.

  1. The introduction effectively introduces the graph and the time frame, setting the context for the analysis.

  2. The essay acknowledges the general upward trend in students graduating, which is one of the main features of the data.

  3. The essay correctly identifies that Biological Science experienced a significant increase in the number of graduating students, doubling between 2004 and 2016, with a projected further increase by 2020.

  4. It also correctly notes the decline in the number of students graduating in Computer Science and the increase in Physical Science. It predicts a continued decline in Computer Science and a decrease in Physical Science by 2020.

  5. The essay mentions the trends in Mathematical Science and Agricultural Science, although the description is somewhat less clear. It correctly observes the fluctuations in Mathematical Science and the expected stability in Agricultural Science with a future increase.

How to improve:

  1. While the essay generally addresses the main trends and comparisons, it could benefit from more precise data figures. Including specific numbers from the graph would make the analysis more convincing.

  2. The essay could provide a slightly more extended analysis of the key features and trends, especially for Mathematical Science and Agricultural Science.

  3. The essay could improve the clarity of language and sentence structure in some parts to enhance overall readability.

  4. It’s essential to be cautious about grammar and spelling errors to maintain a professional tone in academic writing. Proofreading for such errors would be advisable.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, which corresponds to a Band 6 score. Here’s how the essay meets the criteria:

  1. Overall Coherence: The essay has a generally clear overall progression. It begins by introducing the graph and the time frame and then proceeds to discuss each science subject in a logical order, from Biological science to Agricultural science.

  2. Paragraphing: The essay uses paragraphing, but it’s not always entirely logical. For instance, the paragraph that discusses Computer science and Physical science could have been separated into two paragraphs to enhance clarity. This impacts the paragraphing aspect of cohesion.

  3. Cohesive Devices: The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and sentences. It uses words and phrases like "Overall," "On the other hand," "Beginning with," "However," and "Between 2004 and 2016" to guide the reader through the information and make comparisons. However, there are a few minor issues with cohesion within sentences, such as in the sentence "Beginning with 100000 students in 2004, Biological science showed an amazing climb."

  4. Referencing and Substitution: The essay generally provides clear referencing and substitution, making it easy for the reader to follow the information and comparisons. For example, it refers to specific numbers and years when discussing each science subject.

Overall, the essay shows a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but there are minor issues with paragraphing logic and some occasional cohesion within sentences.

How to Improve:

  1. To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point or idea. Consider separating the discussion of Computer science and Physical science into two distinct paragraphs.
  2. Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion, making sure that the connection between ideas within a sentence is clear and smooth.
  3. Continue to use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through the essay. Avoid any ambiguity in your language.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information. The writer uses less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the overall quality of lexical resource. There are occasional errors in word choice, but they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, "sience" should be corrected to "science," and there are a few minor grammar issues such as the lack of articles in some places ("in 2004 and 2016" should be "in the years 2004 and 2016").

The essay successfully summarizes the main features of the graph, mentioning the upward trend in the number of students graduating overall, with specific details about each subject area. The vocabulary used is varied, including terms like "upward," "declining," "predicted," "climb," "stable," and "hit a bottom." These terms enhance the lexical resource.

How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource and improve the score, the writer should aim for more precision and accuracy in word choice and grammar. Proofreading for minor errors and consistency in article usage can improve the overall quality of expression. Additionally, using more complex and varied vocabulary when describing trends and making comparisons can elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, which aligns with Band 7 descriptors. The writer effectively uses a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is good, although there are a few minor errors that don’t significantly impede communication.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms effectively, showcasing the ability to construct different sentence structures. Complex sentences are utilized when discussing the trends in different science subjects over time, such as "Beginning with 100000 students in 2004, Biological science showed an amazing climb and doubled the number of students graduating in 2016, this number is expected to reach nearly 250000 in the next 4 years."

Furthermore, there is an appropriate use of tenses throughout the essay, with consistent usage of past tense for describing historical data and future tense for projections. The essay also demonstrates an understanding of punctuation rules.

However, there are a few minor errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "sience" instead of "science" in the essay prompt and "level off" instead of "leveled off" in the last sentence. These errors, while present, do not significantly hinder the reader’s understanding.

How to improve:
To further improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should continue practicing and pay attention to detail. Proofreading for minor errors such as typos and subject-verb agreement will help achieve even greater accuracy. Additionally, expanding the range of complex structures used and working on sentence variety can enhance the overall writing quality. Overall, this essay is well-written but can benefit from a more thorough review for minor errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the number of students graduating in five distinct science disciplines in a single nation, spanning the years from 2004 to 2016, with projections extending to 2020.

In general, it is evident that there was an overall upward trend in the number of students graduating across the depicted science subjects. Particularly noteworthy is the substantial increase in graduates in Biological science between 2004 and 2016, while Computer science witnessed a continuous decline during the same period.

To begin, the field of Biological science commenced with 100,000 students in 2004, and it underwent a remarkable surge, doubling the number of graduates to nearly 250,000 by 2016. Projections indicate a further increase in the coming four years.

On the contrary, Computer science and Physical science had different starting points, with 140,000 and 80,000 students, respectively, in 2004. However, the number of Computer science graduates steadily declined over the years, while Physical science experienced growth and eventually converged with Computer science at nearly 100,000 graduates in 2016. Predictions suggest a decrease in graduates for both fields by 2020.

Mathematical and Agricultural sciences had the fewest graduates. Mathematical science began with only 50,000 students and hit a low point in 2008, with approximately 30,000 graduates. However, it steadily rebounded in 2012, returning to 50,000 graduates and maintaining stability until 2020. Agricultural science, on the other hand, consistently had around 20,000 graduates between 2004 and 2016, with projections indicating an increase to nearly 70,000 students in the future.

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