The graph below shows the number of Vietnamese students in Australia in the first four months of 2024 compared to the previous years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the number of Vietnamese students in Australia in the first four months of 2024 compared to the previous years.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The provided graph illustrates the number of Vietnamese students enrolled in various educational programs in Australia over the past six years, from 2019 to 2024.
Overall, the number of Vietnamese students studying in Australia has exhibited a significant increase during this period. This trend is particularly evident in the English course category, which has witnessed a substantial growth from 22,682 students in 2019 to a remarkable 36,297 in 2024.
While the number of students enrolled in high school and vocational school has fluctuated somewhat, the general trend has been upward. The vocational school category, in particular, experienced a notable surge in 2024, reaching 4,015 students.
The number of Vietnamese students pursuing postgraduate studies has shown a more consistent pattern, with a gradual increase over the years. In 2024, the total number of postgraduate students reached 8,122.
In conclusion, the graph reveals a growing interest among Vietnamese students in pursuing education in Australia. This trend is particularly pronounced in the English course category, but it is also evident in other educational programs. The increasing number of Vietnamese students in Australia suggests a strong demand for Australian education and a growing bilateral relationship between the two countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided graph" -> "The graph provided"
Explanation: Moving "the" to the end of the phrase "graph provided" aligns with standard English grammar rules, making the sentence structure more formal and correct.
"has exhibited a significant increase" -> "has demonstrated a significant increase"
Explanation: "Demonstrated" is more precise and academically appropriate than "exhibited" in this context, as it directly relates to the presentation of data in the graph.
"remarkable 36,297" -> "substantial 36,297"
Explanation: "Remarkable" can imply emotional judgment, which is less suitable in academic writing. "Substantial" is neutral and maintains the formal tone.
"has fluctuated somewhat" -> "has varied"
Explanation: "Varied" is a more precise and formal term than "fluctuated somewhat," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"notable surge" -> "marked increase"
Explanation: "Marked increase" is more formal and precise than "notable surge," which can sound colloquial.
"pursuing postgraduate studies" -> "enrolling in postgraduate programs"
Explanation: "Enrolling in" is more specific and formal than "pursuing," which is slightly vague and less commonly used in academic contexts.
"a growing interest among Vietnamese students" -> "increasing interest among Vietnamese students"
Explanation: "Increasing" is a more precise and formal term than "growing," which can be seen as less formal.
"a strong demand for Australian education" -> "a significant demand for Australian education"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and academically appropriate than "strong," which is somewhat subjective and less formal.
"a growing bilateral relationship" -> "an evolving bilateral relationship"
Explanation: "Evolving" suggests a more dynamic and formal progression, fitting better in an academic context than "growing," which is less specific.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. It also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the significant increase in English course enrollment and the notable surge in vocational school enrollment in 2024. However, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement about the growing bilateral relationship between Vietnam and Australia. This detail is not supported by the data and is therefore inappropriate.

How to improve: Focus on reporting the main features of the data and avoid making assumptions or drawing conclusions that are not supported by the information provided in the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:

The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data presented in the graph, ensuring that the central topic within each paragraph is clear.
A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, such as "Overall," "While," "In conclusion," and "This trend is particularly evident." However, there is some overuse of certain phrases like "This trend," which could be varied for better cohesion.
The essay uses paragraphing effectively, with each paragraph addressing a different category of educational programs, which helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.

How to improve:

To achieve a higher band score, the essay could use cohesion in a more subtle manner that attracts no attention. This could involve varying the cohesive devices and avoiding repetition.
The essay could also benefit from more skilful management of paragraphing, ensuring that transitions between paragraphs are smoother and more natural.
Additionally, ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriate throughout the essay would enhance coherence and cohesion. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "This trend," more specific references to the data could be used.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the graph. The use of phrases like "significant increase," "substantial growth," and "notable surge" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the vocational school category, in particular, experienced a notable surge," which could be more clearly expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation that do not impede communication, such as the phrase "the general trend has been upward," which could be simplified for clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately. Additionally, reducing the frequency of minor errors in word choice and improving the overall fluency of expression would enhance the lexical resource. More varied sentence structures and the inclusion of idiomatic expressions could also contribute to a more natural and sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. The use of complex structures is evident, particularly in the analysis of trends and comparisons between different educational programs. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity of sentence structures while ensuring accuracy. This can be done by incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses. Additionally, proofreading for minor grammatical errors and improving sentence fluidity will help in achieving greater clarity and precision in communication. Expanding vocabulary and using more sophisticated language can also contribute to a stronger overall performance in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

While the number of students enrolled in high school and vocational school has fluctuated somewhat, the general trend has been upward. The vocational school category, in particular, saw a notable surge in 2024, reaching 4,015 students.

The number of Vietnamese students pursuing postgraduate studies has demonstrated a more consistent pattern, with a gradual increase over the years. In 2024, the total number of postgraduate students reached 8,122.

The graph reveals a growing interest among Vietnamese students in pursuing education in Australia. This trend is particularly pronounced in the English course category, but it is also evident in other educational programs. The increasing number of Vietnamese students in Australia suggests a strong demand for Australian education and a growing bilateral relationship between the two countries.