The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age group who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The graph illustrates how many people from 7 to over 35 years old watching film once a month at the cinema in Great Britain between 1984 to 2000. Overall, there was an increase in the number of people going to the cinema once a month, with the audience from 15 to 24 years old had the highest rise over the period. In addition, people who are 35 and over 35 had the highest figures.
The number of young audience from 15 to 24 years old going to cinema once a month started at just under 20 percent, after which it experienced a considerable rise to 55 percent in 1999, before ending the period at nearly 60 percent. The figure for people who are 35 and over 35 watch film at cinema once each month saw similar change, increasing gradually from 2 percent to over 10 percent in 1999, end ending at about 15 percent. 4 percent people in the age 25 to 35 going to cinema once a month, with a considerable rise to 25 percent in 1994, remaining stable until the next five years, and a final increase to just over 30 percent.
The proportion of young audience from 7 to 14 years old watching film at the cinema once a month increased significantly from 10 percent to about 37 percent in 1999 and dropped to just over 30 percent in the end of the period.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"how many people from 7 to over 35 years old watching film once a month at the cinema" -> "the frequency of cinema attendance among individuals aged 7 to over 35 years on a monthly basis"
Explanation: The phrase "how many people" is informal and vague. "The frequency of cinema attendance" is more precise and academic. Additionally, "aged" is more appropriate than "from," and "on a monthly basis" clarifies the timing. -
"the audience from 15 to 24 years old had the highest rise" -> "the audience aged 15 to 24 experienced the most significant increase"
Explanation: "Had the highest rise" is informal; "experienced the most significant increase" is more formal and precise. "Aged" is a more suitable term in academic writing. -
"people who are 35 and over 35 had the highest figures" -> "individuals aged 35 and older exhibited the highest figures"
Explanation: "People who are 35 and over 35" is redundant and informal. "Individuals aged 35 and older" is more concise and formal. "Exhibited" is a more precise verb than "had." -
"young audience from 15 to 24 years old going to cinema once a month started at just under 20 percent" -> "the young audience aged 15 to 24 attending the cinema monthly commenced at just under 20 percent"
Explanation: "Going to cinema" is informal; "attending the cinema" is more appropriate. "Commenced" is a more formal alternative to "started." -
"experienced a considerable rise to 55 percent in 1999" -> "witnessed a substantial increase to 55 percent in 1999"
Explanation: "Experienced a considerable rise" is somewhat vague; "witnessed a substantial increase" is more precise and formal. -
"before ending the period at nearly 60 percent" -> "before concluding the period at nearly 60 percent"
Explanation: "Ending" is informal; "concluding" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"the figure for people who are 35 and over 35 watch film at cinema once each month saw similar change" -> "the figure for individuals aged 35 and older watching films at the cinema once a month exhibited a similar trend"
Explanation: "People who are 35 and over 35" is redundant. "Individuals aged 35 and older" is more concise. "Watching films" is more accurate than "watch film," and "exhibited a similar trend" is more formal than "saw similar change." -
"end ending at about 15 percent" -> "ultimately concluding at approximately 15 percent"
Explanation: "End ending" is a typographical error and informal; "ultimately concluding" is more formal and precise. "Approximately" is a more academic alternative to "about." -
"4 percent people in the age 25 to 35 going to cinema once a month" -> "4 percent of individuals aged 25 to 35 attending the cinema monthly"
Explanation: "4 percent people" is grammatically incorrect; "4 percent of individuals" is correct. "Going to cinema" is informal; "attending the cinema" is more appropriate. -
"with a considerable rise to 25 percent in 1994, remaining stable until the next five years" -> "with a substantial increase to 25 percent in 1994, remaining stable for the subsequent five years"
Explanation: "Considerable rise" is vague; "substantial increase" is more precise. "Until the next five years" is awkward; "for the subsequent five years" is clearer and more formal. -
"the proportion of young audience from 7 to 14 years old watching film at the cinema once a month increased significantly" -> "the proportion of young audiences aged 7 to 14 attending the cinema monthly increased significantly"
Explanation: "Young audience" should be pluralized to "young audiences" for accuracy. "Watching film" is informal; "attending the cinema" is more appropriate. -
"dropped to just over 30 percent in the end of the period" -> "declined to just over 30 percent by the conclusion of the period"
Explanation: "Dropped" is informal; "declined" is more formal. "In the end of the period" should be "by the conclusion of the period" for clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention that the percentage of people aged 25-35 who went to the cinema once a month remained stable between 1994 and 1999.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points and providing more detail about the changes in the data. For example, the essay could mention that the percentage of people aged 15-24 who went to the cinema once a month increased by approximately 35% between 1984 and 2000.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression in the ideas. While it attempts to summarize the data from the graph, the connections between different age groups and their cinema attendance are not clearly articulated. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, leading to some repetition and confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the flow of information could be improved for better clarity.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the paragraphs to reflect distinct age groups or trends. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next will improve the overall organization of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While the writer attempts to convey the main features of the graph, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, which detracts from the overall clarity and precision of the information presented. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "from 7 to over 35 years old watching film," which should be phrased more clearly. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "the audience from 15 to 24 years old had the highest rise" and "4 percent people in the age 25 to 35 going to cinema." These issues indicate a lack of control over word formation and collocation.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and phrases relevant to the topic. Using more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring accurate word choice will improve clarity. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will help convey ideas more effectively. Practicing with varied sentence forms and ensuring proper collocation will also contribute to a higher score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the audience from 15 to 24 years old had the highest rise" and "4 percent people"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues are noted, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, which further detracts from clarity.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Variety in Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence forms to demonstrate grammatical flexibility. This can include using subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions.
- Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and sentence construction.
- Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and coherence in writing. Proper use of commas and conjunctions can significantly improve readability.
- Practice: Regularly practice writing essays with a focus on grammar and structure, and seek feedback to identify persistent errors.
Bài sửa mẫu
The graph illustrates the percentage of people aged 7 to over 35 who went to the cinema once a month in Great Britain from 1984 to 2000. Overall, there was an increase in the number of individuals attending the cinema monthly, with the audience aged 15 to 24 experiencing the highest rise over the period. Additionally, people aged 35 and over had the highest figures.
The number of young audiences aged 15 to 24 going to the cinema once a month started at just under 20 percent, after which it experienced a considerable rise to 55 percent in 1999, before ending the period at nearly 60 percent. The figure for people aged 35 and over who watched films at the cinema once each month saw a similar trend, increasing gradually from 2 percent to over 10 percent in 1999, and concluding at about 15 percent. The proportion of individuals aged 25 to 35 going to the cinema once a month began at 4 percent, rising significantly to 25 percent in 1994, remaining stable for the next five years, and finally increasing to just over 30 percent.
The percentage of young audiences aged 7 to 14 watching films at the cinema once a month increased significantly from 10 percent to about 37 percent in 1999, before dropping to just over 30 percent by the end of the period.
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