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the graph below shows the percentage of tourists who uses diferent types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have usesd more than one type of transport

the graph below shows the percentage of tourists who uses diferent types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have usesd more than one type of transport

The provided graph illustrates the percentage distribution of tourists using various modes of transportation within a specific nation from 1989 to 2009, with the possibility that each tourist may have utilized more than one type of transport. The main features and notable trends can be summarized as follows.

In 1989, cars were the most popular mode of transportation among tourists, accounting for 40% of the total. Rail travel followed at 18%, while air travel and coach services constituted 25% and 17%, respectively.

By 1994, there was a noticeable increase in the preference for cars, reaching 45%, marking a steady rise. Rail travel also saw a slight increase to 20%, while air travel experienced a significant surge to 30%. Coach services, however, decreased substantially to just 5%.

In 1999, the trend of favoring cars continued, with an increase to 50%. Rail travel also saw a notable rise, reaching 30%, making it the second most preferred mode of transportation. Air travel maintained its popularity at 25%, while coach services experienced a marginal increase to 8%.

The year 2004 witnessed an interesting shift in transportation preferences. Both car and rail travel were equally favored, each accounting for 39% of the total. Air travel, on the other hand, declined significantly to 8%, while coach services increased to 19%, marking a substantial rise compared to the previous years.

In 2009, the data revealed a continued decline in the preference for cars, dropping to 35%, making it the lowest percentage throughout the period. Rail travel, conversely, experienced a significant increase to 45%, becoming the most favored mode of transportation. Air travel dropped to a mere 4%, representing a sharp decline, and coach services remained relatively stable at 17%.

In summary, the main trends depict a gradual decline in the preference for cars, a significant rise in rail travel, fluctuations in air travel popularity, and varying patterns in coach service utilization over the two decades.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "main features and notable trends" -> "key features and significant trends"
    Explanation: "Main" is a bit generic and less formal. "Key" emphasizes importance and "significant" enhances the importance of the trends, aligning more with academic language.

  2. "By 1994, there was a noticeable increase" -> "In 1994, a substantial increase was observed"
    Explanation: "Noticeable" is slightly informal. "Substantial" better communicates the extent of the increase in a more academically appropriate manner.

  3. "significant surge" -> "considerable surge"
    Explanation: While "significant" is not inherently informal, using "considerable" adds variety and maintains a formal tone, fitting well within academic writing.

  4. "interesting shift" -> "noteworthy shift"
    Explanation: "Interesting" is subjective and less academic. "Noteworthy" maintains a formal tone, emphasizing the importance of the shift.

  5. "marginal increase" -> "modest increase"
    Explanation: "Marginal" might downplay the increase. "Modest" retains the formality while indicating a small yet notable rise in a clearer way.

  6. "conversely" -> "in contrast"
    Explanation: "Conversely" is not inaccurate but might appear less formal. "In contrast" maintains formality while indicating the opposing direction of the changes.

  7. "a mere 4%" -> "only 4%"
    Explanation: "Mere" is slightly informal. "Only" is a more precise and formal term to describe the percentage.

  8. "depict a gradual decline" -> "illustrate a gradual decline"
    Explanation: "Depict" is suitable but "illustrate" offers a more formal alternative in an academic context, implying a clearer representation of the decline.

These adjustments aim to enhance the formality and precision of the language used in the essay, ensuring it aligns better with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by providing a comprehensive overview of the percentage distribution of tourists using different modes of transportation between 1989 and 2009. It appropriately highlights the main features and notable trends during this period, considering the possibility that each tourist may have used more than one type of transport.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider providing a brief conclusion that succinctly summarizes the key trends observed in the data. This will reinforce the completeness of your response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear, well-developed, and consistent position throughout. The writer consistently focuses on describing the trends in transportation preferences without introducing conflicting perspectives or opinions.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen this characteristic, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reinforces the essay’s overall position on the transportation trends.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas in the essay are relevant, fully extended, and well-supported. Each paragraph provides detailed information about the percentage distribution of different modes of transportation, and the trends are effectively analyzed and explained.
    • How to improve: Consider incorporating a bit more variety in sentence structure to add even more depth and sophistication to your analysis. Additionally, be cautious of any potential repetition in the use of words or phrases.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains consistently focused on the topic of the percentage distribution of tourists using various modes of transportation. There are no significant deviations from the main theme throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: While maintaining focus, aim for a seamless transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the previous one, creating a smooth flow of ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the given prompt, presenting a clear and well-supported analysis of the provided graph. To further improve, consider incorporating a concise conclusion, refining sentence structure for added sophistication, and ensuring seamless transitions between paragraphs. Overall, well done!

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction provides a concise overview, and the subsequent paragraphs follow a chronological order, tracking the changes over the years. However, there is room for improvement in the transitions between some sentences and paragraphs. For instance, the shift from discussing 2004 to 2009 could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are seamless. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the chronological progression, fostering a smoother transition between different periods.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs effective paragraphing, with mostly logical sequencing of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific time period and mode of transportation, aiding clarity. However, in some instances, the connection between paragraphs could be strengthened for a more cohesive narrative.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that the end of each paragraph provides a clear link to the subsequent one. This can be achieved by summarizing the key point of the current paragraph and connecting it to the upcoming topic, reinforcing the overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. There is effective use of linking words, such as "however," "conversely," and "in summary," aiding the reader in understanding the relationships between ideas. Nevertheless, there are a few instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more precise for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, focus on employing a wider variety of transition words and phrases. Ensure that each cohesive device serves a specific purpose in guiding the reader through the essay, avoiding redundancy and improving the overall fluency.

In conclusion, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Coherence and Cohesion, refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs, strengthening paragraph connections, and further diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to an even more cohesive and logically organized essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, showcasing a broad range of words used fluently and flexibly. For instance, varied terms like "notable trends," "significant surge," and "marginal increase" contribute to a nuanced expression of ideas. The phrase "the main features and notable trends" aptly introduces the subsequent analysis, exhibiting lexical sophistication.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the lexical richness, consider incorporating more domain-specific vocabulary related to transportation or tourism. This can enhance precision and thematic coherence, contributing to an even more sophisticated vocabulary use.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains precision in vocabulary use, effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where slightly more precise choices could enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "interesting shift" in describing the 2004 transportation change is somewhat vague and could benefit from a more specific term to precisely convey the nature of the shift.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to nuanced vocabulary choices, especially when describing shifts or changes. Opt for words that precisely capture the nature of the change, providing a clearer and more detailed picture for the reader.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with few errors that do not significantly detract from overall clarity. The accuracy in spelling contributes to the professionalism of the writing. Notably, the spelling errors present are minimal and do not impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: Sustain the current level of spelling accuracy by consistently proofreading the essay. Incorporate a final review specifically focused on detecting and rectifying any remaining spelling errors. This will further enhance the overall linguistic precision of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, which contributes positively to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. Instances of compound and compound-complex sentences are notably present, enhancing the expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally employs a wide range of structures, consider incorporating more intricate sentence structures, such as inversion or conditional sentences, to add further sophistication to the language.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only occasional, minor errors. The majority of sentences are well-structured and error-free, contributing to the overall clarity of communication.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. Proofreading for minor errors will be beneficial.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other basic punctuation marks are appropriately used, contributing to the overall coherence of the writing.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays good control over punctuation, consider incorporating more advanced punctuation marks, such as semicolons or dashes, to add variety. Additionally, ensure consistent and accurate use of punctuation marks within complex sentences.

Overall Feedback:

The essay demonstrates strong language proficiency, aligning with the Band 7 criteria for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. The writer effectively uses a variety of sentence structures, maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy with only minor errors, and exhibits generally well-controlled punctuation. To enhance the essay further, focus on incorporating even more sophisticated sentence structures and paying meticulous attention to fine-tuning grammar details. Overall, a solid performance that can be refined for an even more polished result.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given graph outlines the percentage breakdown of tourists using different transportation modes within a specific nation from 1989 to 2009, considering the possibility that each tourist might have used multiple modes of transport. The key features and significant trends observed are as follows.

In 1989, cars were the most favored mode of transportation among tourists, constituting 40% of the total. Rail travel followed at 18%, with air travel and coach services making up 25% and 17%, respectively.

By 1994, there was a substantial increase in the preference for cars, reaching 45%, marking a steady rise. Rail travel also saw a modest increase to 20%, while air travel experienced a noteworthy shift to 30%. Conversely, coach services decreased substantially to only 5%.

In 1999, the trend favoring cars continued, increasing to 50%. Rail travel also experienced a notable rise, reaching 30%, becoming the second most preferred mode of transportation. Air travel maintained its popularity at 25%, while coach services experienced a modest increase to 8%.

The year 2004 witnessed an interesting shift in transportation preferences. Both car and rail travel were equally favored, each accounting for 39% of the total. Air travel, however, declined significantly to 8%, while coach services increased to 19%, marking a substantial rise compared to previous years.

In 2009, the data revealed a continued decline in the preference for cars, dropping to 35%, the lowest percentage across the period. Rail travel, conversely, experienced a significant increase to 45%, becoming the most favored mode of transportation. Air travel dropped notably to only 4%, representing a sharp decline, while coach services remained relatively stable at 17%.

In summary, the main trends illustrate a gradual decline in the preference for cars, a significant rise in rail travel, fluctuations in air travel popularity, and varying patterns in coach service utilization over the two decades.

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