The graph below shows the production levels of main kinds of fuel in the UK from 1981 to 2000.

Shown is the line graph demonstrating the amount of common fuels produced in the United Kingdom, divided among three main types namely petroleum, coal and natural gas, over the course of two decades, starting from 1981.
To summarise, it can be clearly seen from the graph that petroleum had been consistently occupying a lion share throughout the given period. The figure for natural gas witnessed an upward trend all through, whilst its counterpart, coal, which steadily declined for the time being.
First and foremost, the British production of petroleum initiated at just over 90, dramatically surged to about the level of 140 and created a large margin of 100 between other types, before plateauing for the following five years and declining back to 40 until 1991. Conversely, it shows a remarkable but steady recovery afterwards, reaching its peak at 145 in 2000.
Meanwhile, coal production began at 80 in 1981, stagnated for just over two years at that level, diving and rebounding sharply from 40 to 60 till 1986 and then gradually fell down to just below 40 in 2000. The opposite trend is true for the level of natural gas, which started at just about 38, experiencing a modest increase for 10 years, surpassing coal then making a more than twofold leap to culminate at around the level of 100.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"shown is the line graph demonstrating" -> "the line graph presented illustrates"
Explanation: The phrase "shown is" is awkward and passive. "The line graph presented illustrates" is more direct and maintains an academic tone.
"amount of common fuels produced" -> "volume of primary fuels produced"
Explanation: "Amount" is vague; "volume" is more precise in this context. "Common fuels" is also less formal than "primary fuels," which better reflects the significance of the types of fuels being discussed.
"divided among three main types namely petroleum, coal and natural gas" -> "categorized into three primary types: petroleum, coal, and natural gas"
Explanation: "Divided among" is less formal and precise than "categorized into." The use of "namely" is also less formal; "three primary types:" introduces the list more clearly.
"occupying a lion share" -> "occupying a significant share"
Explanation: "A lion share" is an informal idiom. "A significant share" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"the figure for natural gas witnessed an upward trend all through" -> "the production of natural gas exhibited a consistent upward trend"
Explanation: "The figure for natural gas" is vague; specifying "the production of natural gas" clarifies the subject. "Witnessed" is less precise than "exhibited," and "all through" is informal compared to "consistent."
"its counterpart, coal, which steadily declined for the time being" -> "its counterpart, coal, which experienced a steady decline during the same period"
Explanation: "For the time being" is vague and informal; "during the same period" provides clarity and maintains an academic tone.
"initiated at just over 90, dramatically surged to about the level of 140" -> "commenced at just over 90, significantly increased to approximately 140"
Explanation: "Initiated" is less common in this context than "commenced," and "dramatically surged" is overly emotional; "significantly increased" is more precise and formal.
"created a large margin of 100 between other types" -> "established a substantial margin of 100 over the other fuel types"
Explanation: "Created" is vague; "established" is more formal. "Between other types" is unclear; "over the other fuel types" specifies the comparison.
"plateauing for the following five years and declining back to 40 until 1991" -> "plateauing for the subsequent five years before declining to 40 by 1991"
Explanation: "Following" is less formal than "subsequent," and "back to" is informal; "to" is more precise. "Until" is replaced with "by" for clarity regarding the timeline.
"diving and rebounding sharply from 40 to 60 till 1986" -> "decreasing and subsequently increasing sharply from 40 to 60 until 1986"
Explanation: "Diving" is informal; "decreasing" is more appropriate. "Rebounding" is replaced with "subsequently increasing" for clarity and formality. "Till" is informal; "until" is preferred in academic writing.
"the opposite trend is true for the level of natural gas" -> "Conversely, the trend for natural gas was opposite"
Explanation: "The opposite trend is true for" is awkward; "Conversely, the trend for natural gas was opposite" is clearer and more concise.
"which started at just about 38, experiencing a modest increase for 10 years" -> "which commenced at approximately 38, experiencing a gradual increase over a decade"
Explanation: "Started at just about" is informal; "commenced at approximately" is more precise. "Modest increase for 10 years" is replaced with "gradual increase over a decade" for clarity and formality.
"surpassing coal then making a more than twofold leap to culminate at around the level of 100" -> "surpassing coal and subsequently achieving a more than twofold increase to reach approximately 100"
Explanation: "Then making a more than twofold leap" is informal; "and subsequently achieving a more than twofold increase" is more precise and formal. "Culminate at around the level of" is replaced with "reach approximately" for clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "the figure for natural gas witnessed an upward trend all through," but it does not provide any specific details about the trend.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more clearly. For example, the essay could state that "natural gas production increased steadily from 1981 to 2000, while coal production declined." The essay could also provide more specific details about the trends, such as the rate of increase or decrease.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the summary of trends. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion is mechanical, particularly in the transitions between sentences and ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured, as some ideas could be better grouped to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that related ideas are grouped together. Additionally, enhancing the clarity of referencing and substitution will help to avoid repetition and improve overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "lion share," "surged," and "culminate," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the opposite trend is true" and "the figure for natural gas witnessed an upward trend all through." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "till" instead of "until," which do not impede communication but are noticeable. Overall, the vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but the inaccuracies and errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. They should also aim to reduce errors in word choice and spelling by proofreading their work more carefully. Incorporating more varied expressions and synonyms can help avoid repetition and demonstrate a stronger command of the language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical range is limited, and there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation. These errors, such as "occupying a lion share" (should be "lion’s share") and "which steadily declined for the time being" (which is awkwardly phrased), can cause some difficulty for thereader but do not significantly impede overall communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms, reducing errors in punctuation, and refining phrasing for clarity. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor slips and awkward constructions would enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the production levels of three main types of fuel—petroleum, coal, and natural gas—in the United Kingdom from 1981 to 2000.

Overall, it is evident from the graph that petroleum consistently held the largest share of production throughout the period. Natural gas exhibited a steady upward trend, while coal production experienced a decline over the same timeframe.

Initially, British petroleum production started at just over 90, dramatically surged to approximately 140, creating a significant margin of 100 over the other fuel types, before plateauing for the next five years and then declining back to 40 until 1991. However, it showed a remarkable yet steady recovery thereafter, reaching its peak at 145 in 2000.

In contrast, coal production began at 80 in 1981, remained stable for just over two years, and then experienced a sharp decline from 40 to 60 until 1986, after which it gradually fell to just below 40 by 2000. Conversely, natural gas production started at around 38, experienced a modest increase over the first ten years, surpassed coal, and then made a more than twofold leap to culminate at approximately 100.