The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the production levels of the main kinds of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates how much energy was produced in three major kinds of fuels in the UK from 1981 and 2000.
Overall, the production of petrol was significantly higher than both natural gas and coal throughout the periods. In addition, while there was a gradual increase in the amount of natural gas that the UK exploited from 1981 to 2000, the opposite can be seen in terms of coal production.
Approximately 90 million tons of petroleum was produced in the UK in the first year of the period, after which it increased considerably to 140 million tons 3 years later. The figure of petroleum production was relatively sustainable at this level from 1984 to 1987 of the period. During the time from 1988 to 1991 , the UK produced not as much petroleum as before, the exploitation of petroleum had fallen to about 100 million tons. From the second half of 1991 to the end of the period, it increased dramatically more than 40 million tons, peak at about 144 million tons of production
About 80 million tons of Coal was exploited by the UK in 1981, but this amount of coal being produced did not last long during the period from 1983 to 1984, reaching a low of nearly 38 million tons of production. By 1986, the UK produced considerably more coal and got the amount of more than 60 million tons before gradually dropping to about 35 million in the rest of the period.
The number of production of natural gas being exploited in the UK from 1981 to 2000 was relatively sustainable in 1981 and 5 years after that, after which the steady increase was reported directly, reaching the peak of more than 100 million tons in the final year of the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"how much energy was produced" -> "the quantity of energy generated"
Explanation: "how much energy was produced" is colloquial; "the quantity of energy generated" is more formal and precise.
"the production of petrol" -> "petroleum production"
Explanation: "petroleum production" is a more precise and formal term compared to "the production of petrol."
"exploited" -> "extracted"
Explanation: "exploited" can carry negative connotations, while "extracted" is a neutral term often used in discussions of resource production.
"sustainable" -> "consistent"
Explanation: "sustainable" typically refers to environmental sustainability, while "consistent" is more appropriate here to describe a stable level of production over time.
"the exploitation of petroleum" -> "petroleum extraction"
Explanation: "the exploitation of petroleum" is somewhat awkward; "petroleum extraction" is a clearer and more concise alternative.
"more than 40 million tons" -> "over 40 million tons"
Explanation: "over" is more precise when referring to quantities.
"not as much" -> "not as great"
Explanation: "not as much" is less formal; "not as great" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"exploited" -> "extracted"
Explanation: Repetitive use of "exploited"; "extracted" provides variety.
"dropping" -> "declining"
Explanation: "declining" is a more formal synonym for "dropping."
"being exploited" -> "being extracted"
Explanation: "being exploited" is passive; "being extracted" is a clearer and more active alternative.
"sustainable" -> "stable"
Explanation: "sustainable" may not be the best fit here; "stable" better describes the consistent level of production.
"reported directly" -> "increased steadily"
Explanation: "reported directly" is unclear in this context; "increased steadily" provides a clearer description of the trend.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing a summary of the information presented in the graph. It covers the main features of the data, including trends in production levels of petrol, natural gas, and coal over the given period. The essay highlights key points such as the significant production of petrol compared to natural gas and coal, the gradual increase in natural gas production, and the fluctuating production levels of coal. However, there are some issues with accuracy and clarity, such as inconsistencies in the reported figures and unclear phrasing.
How to improve: To improve, ensure accuracy and consistency in reporting the data. Use clear and precise language to describe the trends and production levels without ambiguity. Additionally, provide a more cohesive structure to the essay by organizing the information in a logical manner, such as chronologically or by fuel type, to enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner, providing a clear overview of the trends in fuel production in the UK between 1981 and 2000. There is a clear progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a different type of fuel and its production trends over time. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, although there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as awkward phrasing or repetitive use of certain phrases. Additionally, while paragraphing is utilized, it is not always logical, with some paragraphs containing multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas and reduce repetition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, with clear topic sentences to guide the reader. Review and revise the paragraph structure to ensure that ideas are logically organized and presented in a cohesive manner.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary and shows some control over word formation and spelling. However, there are instances where inaccuracies in word choice and word formation occur, albeit not to the extent of impeding communication.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in word formation and spelling. Additionally, aim for more sophisticated and natural expressions to enhance lexical control further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a variety of sentence structures, including some complex constructions. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay. Some sentences lack clarity due to these errors, which could cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the information presented. While the essay attempts to use complex sentences, they are often less accurate than simpler constructions.

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofreading for errors in punctuation and sentence construction can significantly enhance the overall coherence and readability of the essay. Additionally, strive for more accurate usage of complex sentence structures to convey information effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts the energy production levels of three primary fuel types in the UK from 1981 to 2000.

Overall, petrol production surpassed both natural gas and coal throughout the entire period. While natural gas extraction showed a gradual increase from 1981 to 2000, coal production exhibited a declining trend.

Initially, around 90 million tons of petroleum were produced in 1981, escalating notably to 140 million tons by 1984. Subsequently, production remained relatively stable, fluctuating around this level until 1987. However, from 1988 to 1991, petroleum output decreased to approximately 100 million tons. Remarkably, from mid-1991 onwards, production surged by over 40 million tons, peaking at approximately 144 million tons by the end of the period.

In 1981, coal production stood at approximately 80 million tons, but this figure experienced a sharp decline to nearly 38 million tons between 1983 and 1984. By 1986, coal production rebounded to surpass 60 million tons before gradually declining to approximately 35 million tons towards the end of the period.

Natural gas extraction in the UK remained relatively stable until 1986, after which it steadily increased, reaching a peak of over 100 million tons in the final year of the period.