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The graph below shows the profit or loss made on three new products (A, B and C) in the year following their introduction to the market. Using the information from the graph, write a short report on changes that occurred between February 2000 and the end of the year. Write 120-140 words on a separate sheet.

The graph below shows the profit or loss made on three new products (A, B and C) in the year following their introduction to the market.
Using the information from the graph, write a short report on changes that occurred between February 2000 and the end of the year.
Write 120-140 words on a separate sheet.

The line graph illustrates the profit or loss that three new products (A, B, and C) gained or incurred after their launch to the market.

Overall, products A and B witnessed an increase in their profit, albeit at different rates whilst the product C broke even between February 2000 and the end of the year.

The profit generated by product A significantly increased by 5,000 dollars between February and April. It then progressively grew to 7,000 and reached a peak of 7,500 dollars in August, which was the highest recorded amount among other categories. Additionally, the figure slightly decreased by 500 dollars in October and continued plummeting to 3,000 dollars at the end of 2000, but the product A still yielded the profit of 5,000 dollars compared to the point of launching to the market

In similar fashion, the profit of product B moderately went up to 2,000 dollars following the first four months. The figure doubled afterwards and experienced a climb to 6,000 dollars by the end of the period, which was the highest figure in comparison with others.

With a profitable trend being seen in products A and B, product C; however, leveled off from February to June. The product C then gained 1,200 dollars for its profit in August, but then -1,000 dollars was recorded for the loss of product C, and it returned to the beginning point afterwards.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the profit or loss that three new products (A, B, and C) gained or incurred" -> "the profits and losses incurred by three new products (A, B, and C)"
    Explanation: "Gained or incurred" is vague and informal. "Profits and losses incurred" is more precise and aligns with formal academic language.

  2. "witnessed an increase in their profit" -> "experienced an increase in profit"
    Explanation: "Witnessed" is more informal and less precise in this context. "Experienced" is a more formal and appropriate choice for academic writing.

  3. "broke even" -> "achieved a break-even point"
    Explanation: "Broke even" is informal. "Achieved a break-even point" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic discourse.

  4. "significantly increased by 5,000 dollars" -> "increased significantly by $5,000"
    Explanation: The placement of "significantly" should precede the verb "increased" for clarity, and using the dollar sign ($) is more standard in academic writing.

  5. "which was the highest recorded amount among other categories" -> "which was the highest recorded figure among the products"
    Explanation: "Amount among other categories" is vague. "Figure among the products" specifies the comparison and maintains clarity.

  6. "slightly decreased by 500 dollars" -> "decreased slightly by $500"
    Explanation: Similar to the previous point, the placement of "slightly" should follow the verb for clarity, and using the dollar sign ($) is more appropriate.

  7. "continued plummeting to 3,000 dollars" -> "continued to decline to $3,000"
    Explanation: "Plummeting" is informal and carries a strong emotional connotation. "Decline" is a more neutral and academic term.

  8. "the product A still yielded the profit of 5,000 dollars compared to the point of launching to the market" -> "product A still yielded a profit of $5,000 compared to its launch point"
    Explanation: "The product A" is awkward; "product A" is more natural. "Yielded the profit of" is simplified to "yielded a profit of," which is clearer and more concise.

  9. "moderately went up to 2,000 dollars" -> "increased moderately to $2,000"
    Explanation: "Went up" is informal. "Increased" is more precise and formal, and the dollar sign ($) is used for clarity.

  10. "the highest figure in comparison with others" -> "the highest figure compared to the other products"
    Explanation: "In comparison with others" is vague. "Compared to the other products" specifies the comparison clearly.

  11. "a profitable trend being seen in products A and B" -> "a profitable trend observed in products A and B"
    Explanation: "Being seen" is informal and passive. "Observed" is more direct and aligns with academic style.

  12. "leveled off" -> "stabilized"
    Explanation: "Leveled off" is informal. "Stabilized" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of maintaining a consistent level.

  13. "but then -1,000 dollars was recorded for the loss of product C" -> "but subsequently recorded a loss of $1,000 for product C"
    Explanation: The phrasing is awkward and passive. "Subsequently recorded a loss of" is clearer and more direct.

  14. "returned to the beginning point afterwards" -> "returned to its initial value"
    Explanation: "Beginning point" is vague. "Initial value" is more precise and formal, improving clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not fully extend the key features/bullet points.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by extending the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could provide more detail about the specific changes in profit or loss for each product. The essay could also provide more analysis of the reasons for these changes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, such as "overall," "additionally," and "in similar fashion," to connect ideas. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transitions between sentences, which may disrupt the flow. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical organization, as the shifts between products A, B, and C could be more clearly delineated.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid mechanical repetition. Additionally, clearer paragraphing that separates discussions of each product would improve logical flow. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a consistent structure would also strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms such as "profit," "loss," "increased," and "decreased." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "plummeting" and "yielded the profit," which may not convey the intended meaning clearly. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall fluency. While the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, it lacks the sophistication and precision expected at higher band levels.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, particularly by incorporating more varied and precise lexical items. They should also aim to improve the accuracy of word choice and collocation, ensuring that phrases are used correctly in context. Additionally, reducing grammatical errors and enhancing the overall fluency of the writing will contribute to a better score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex sentences, the overall grammatical range is limited. The writer makes several grammatical errors, such as "the product C broke even" (should be "product C broke even") and "the product A still yielded the profit of 5,000 dollars compared to the point of launching to the market" (which could be more clearly expressed). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but they do indicate a need for improvement in accuracy and control.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence forms and paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors before submission can enhance overall clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the profit or loss incurred by three new products (A, B, and C) following their launch in the market.

Overall, products A and B experienced an increase in profit, albeit at different rates, while product C broke even between February 2000 and the end of the year.

The profit generated by product A significantly increased by $5,000 between February and April. It then progressively grew to $7,000 and peaked at $7,500 in August, which was the highest recorded amount among the products. Additionally, the figure slightly decreased by $500 in October and continued to decline to $3,000 by the end of 2000; however, product A still yielded a profit of $5,000 compared to its launch point.

In a similar fashion, the profit of product B moderately rose to $2,000 during the first four months. The figure then doubled and climbed to $6,000 by the end of the period, which was the highest figure in comparison to the others.

While products A and B displayed a profitable trend, product C, however, leveled off from February to June. Product C then gained $1,200 in profit in August, but subsequently recorded a loss of $1,000, returning to its initial point thereafter.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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