The graph below shows the three different kinds of emission sources (oil / coal / gas) of greenhouse gas in the UK. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The given bar graph illustrates the amount of carbon emissions from three different types of sources of greenhouse gas in the United Kingdom.

Overall, the amount of oil and coal from all these three fossil fuels decreased significantly, while the opposite was true for gas over the given period.

In 1990, around 270 million tons were discharged by oil emission. The amount of coal discharged was 320 million tons, making it the highest figures of three emission sources in the UK at the beginning of the period. A gradual drop can be seen in the oil emission, with figures eventually surpassing those for the coal emission, at approximately 220 million tons in 2010. Similarly, the amount of coal emission saw a significant decrease from 320 to 190 million tons at the bottom position in 2010.
In terms of gas, the year 1990 marks the point at which gas emission was 220 million tons, making it the lowest figures of three fossil fuels in the UK. The year 2010 witnessed a dramatic increase of 320 million tons in the amount of gas emission.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar graph illustrates" -> "The bar graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"amount of carbon emissions" -> "carbon emissions levels"
Explanation: "Levels" provides a more specific and quantifiable term than "amount," which is vague and less precise in this context.
"three different types of sources of greenhouse gas" -> "three sources of greenhouse gases"
Explanation: Removing "different types of" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic language, which often avoids redundancy.
"decreased significantly" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more formal and precise than "decreased significantly," which is somewhat redundant.
"the opposite was true for gas" -> "the trend was reversed for gas"
Explanation: "The trend was reversed" is more specific and academically appropriate than "the opposite was true," which can sound colloquial.
"around 270 million tons were discharged" -> "approximately 270 million tons were emitted"
Explanation: "Emitted" is the more precise term for gases released into the atmosphere, replacing the less specific "discharged."
"making it the highest figures of three emission sources" -> "making it the highest of the three emission sources"
Explanation: "Highest of the three" is grammatically correct and clearer than "highest figures," which is awkward and incorrect in this context.
"A gradual drop can be seen" -> "a gradual decline is evident"
Explanation: "A gradual decline is evident" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"figures eventually surpassing those for the coal emission" -> "figures eventually exceeding those for coal emissions"
Explanation: "Exceeding" is more precise than "surpassing" in this context, and "coal emissions" is grammatically correct.
"the amount of coal emission saw a significant decrease" -> "coal emissions decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Coal emissions decreased significantly" is more concise and maintains formal tone, avoiding the awkward construction of "the amount of coal emission saw."
"making it the lowest figures of three fossil fuels" -> "making it the lowest among the three fossil fuels"
Explanation: "Among the three" is grammatically correct and more formal than "of three," which is less precise.
"The year 2010 witnessed a dramatic increase of 320 million tons in the amount of gas emission" -> "In 2010, gas emissions increased dramatically by 320 million tons"
Explanation: "Increased dramatically by" is a more formal and precise way to describe the change in quantity, and removing "the amount of" simplifies the sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the graph, including the overall trend and the specific changes in each emission source. The essay also makes some comparisons between the different sources. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the amount of coal discharged was 320 million tons, making it the highest figures of three emission sources in the UK at the beginning of the period." However, the graph shows that oil emissions were higher than coal emissions in 1990.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in each emission source. For example, the essay could state that oil emissions decreased by approximately 50 million tons between 1990 and 2010. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information. For example, the essay could state that gas emissions were the lowest of the three sources in 1990, but they increased significantly over the period.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. It effectively arranges information about the emissions from oil, coal, and gas, and provides comparisons where relevant. However, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as the repetitive use of phrases like "the amount of" and "discharged," which detracts from the fluidity of the writing. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, the organization within the paragraphs could be improved for better clarity. For example, the transition between discussing oil and coal emissions could be smoother.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying their vocabulary and sentence structures to avoid repetition. Using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, can help improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically connects to the next can strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, using terms like "carbon emissions," "fossil fuels," and "discharged." However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "significant decrease" and "dramatic increase," but with some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest figures of three emission sources" which could be better phrased as "the highest of the three emission sources." There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "figures eventually surpassing those for the coal emission," which could be clearer. Overall, while the communication is not impeded, the inaccuracies and occasional errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, including more precise collocations and less common lexical items. Additionally, ensuring correct word forms and reducing errors in spelling would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and advanced vocabulary in context, as well as proofreading for minor errors, would also contribute to a better lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the highest figures of three emission sources" and "the bottom position in 2010" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, while the overall message is communicated, the presence of errors in grammar and punctuation suggests that the control over these aspects is not fully developed.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures. This could involve practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, refining word choice and phrasing for clarity and coherence would strengthen the overall quality of the essay. Regular practice with feedback can help in identifying and correcting common grammatical mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar graph illustrates the amount of carbon emissions from three different sources of greenhouse gases in the United Kingdom: oil, coal, and gas.

Overall, the emissions from oil and coal decreased significantly, while gas emissions experienced a notable increase over the given period.

In 1990, approximately 270 million tons were discharged from oil emissions. The amount of coal discharged was 320 million tons, making it the highest figure among the three emission sources in the UK at the beginning of the period. A gradual decline is evident in oil emissions, with figures eventually surpassing those for coal emissions, reaching around 220 million tons in 2010. Similarly, coal emissions saw a significant decrease from 320 to 190 million tons, placing it at the lowest position in 2010.

In terms of gas, the year 1990 marks the point at which gas emissions were 220 million tons, making it the lowest figure among the three fossil fuels in the UK. By 2010, there was a dramatic increase in gas emissions, rising to 320 million tons.