The graph gives information about coffee production in 4 different countries from 1990 to 2010.
The graph gives information about coffee production in 4 different countries from 1990 to 2010.
The bar chart provides information about how much coffee was produced in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia and Vietnam between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, the figure for coffee produced in Brazil, Indonesia and Vietnam experienced an upward trend , while Colombia showed a downward trend. Additionally, Brazil’s coffee production outraced all nations to rank first at the end of the period.
In 1990, there was approximately 0,7 million tons in Brazil’s coffee production, followed by a gradual growth to the end of the period, reaching at 1 million tons in 1995 and around 1,5 million tons in the year of 2000 before hitting the highest point at about 1,9 million tons in 2010. In the same way, the amount of coffee produced in VietNam demonstrated a slight increase. It remained stable at about 0,1 million tons in the first two years , then the figure went up mildly to 0,2 million tons in 2000 before increasing consistently to 0,3 million tons in 2010.
Although Indonesia’s coffee production initially had a lower figure, it outraced the amount of coffee produced in Colombia at the end of the period. The figure for Indonesia stabilized at 0,2 million tons in 1990 and 1995, followed by a steady growth to about 0,3 million tons in 2000, then the amount of coffee produced in Indonesia reached 0,4 million tons at the end of the period. On the other hand, Colombia’s coffee production declined steadily from 0,6 million tons in 1990 to around 0,5 million tons in 1995, the figure then continued to decrease moderately to 0,4 million tons in 2000 before ending the period at about 0,3 million tons in the final year.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the figure for coffee produced" -> "the data on coffee production"
Explanation: "Data on coffee production" is more precise and formal than "the figure for coffee produced," which can be vague. -
"experienced an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise term than "experienced," enhancing the academic tone. -
"outraced all nations" -> "surpassed all other countries"
Explanation: "Surpassed" is clearer and more formal than "outraced," which is less commonly used in academic writing. -
"the highest point" -> "the peak"
Explanation: "The peak" is a more concise and formal term than "the highest point," improving clarity and precision. -
"the amount of coffee produced in VietNam" -> "the volume of coffee produced in Vietnam"
Explanation: "Volume" is a more precise term than "amount," and "Vietnam" should be spelled with a lowercase ‘n’ for consistency with standard naming conventions. -
"demonstrated a slight increase" -> "exhibited a modest increase"
Explanation: "Exhibited" maintains formality, and "modest" is a more precise descriptor than "slight," enhancing the academic tone. -
"remained stable at about 0,1 million tons" -> "remained stable at approximately 0.1 million tons"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "about," and the decimal point should be used instead of a comma for numerical clarity in academic contexts. -
"went up mildly" -> "increased gradually"
Explanation: "Increased gradually" is more formal and precise than "went up mildly," which is too informal for academic writing. -
"declined steadily" -> "decreased consistently"
Explanation: "Decreased consistently" is a more formal and precise expression than "declined steadily," enhancing clarity. -
"the figure then continued to decrease moderately" -> "the production subsequently declined moderately"
Explanation: "Production" specifies what is being discussed, and "subsequently" is a more formal transition than "then," improving the academic tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in coffee production in the four countries. It also highlights the key features of the data, such as the fact that Brazil’s production was the highest in 2010. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some of the details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Indonesia’s coffee production "outpaced the amount of coffee produced in Colombia at the end of the period," but this is not entirely accurate. While Indonesia’s production did increase, it did not surpass Colombia’s production in 2010.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the data. For example, the essay could provide specific figures for the amount of coffee produced in each country in each year. The essay could also provide more analysis of the data, such as explaining the reasons for the trends in coffee production.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall trends are summarized well. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "In the same way" and "On the other hand" are used, but their application can feel forced at times. Additionally, some referencing is unclear, such as the repeated use of "the figure" without specifying which country it refers to, which can lead to confusion. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for clearer logical organization.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices more naturally. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that references are explicit can help avoid ambiguity. Additionally, improving the logical flow between ideas and ensuring that transitions feel more organic will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, effectively conveying the main trends in coffee production across the four countries. However, the attempt to use less common vocabulary is evident but lacks precision in some instances, such as "outraced" which may not be the most appropriate choice in this context. There are also minor errors in spelling (e.g., "VietNam" should be "Vietnam") and word formation that, while not severely impeding communication, do detract from the overall quality. The use of phrases like "the figure for coffee produced" is somewhat repetitive, suggesting limited lexical variety.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and phrases to describe trends and comparisons. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in word choice and avoiding repetition will strengthen the essay. Practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated expressions can also help in achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "reaching at 1 million tons" and "the amount of coffee produced in VietNam demonstrated a slight increase" could be improved for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as the inconsistent use of commas and spacing around numbers.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and awkward constructions. Increasing the variety of sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are used correctly will also help. Additionally, attention to punctuation and consistency in formatting (such as the use of "Vietnam" instead of "VietNam") will improve overall clarity and professionalism in the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The bar chart provides information about the coffee production levels in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, and Vietnam between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, coffee production in Brazil, Indonesia, and Vietnam experienced an upward trend, while Colombia showed a downward trend. Additionally, Brazil’s coffee production surpassed that of all other nations, ranking first at the end of the period.
In 1990, Brazil’s coffee production was approximately 0.7 million tons, followed by gradual growth throughout the period, reaching 1 million tons in 1995 and around 1.5 million tons in 2000 before peaking at about 1.9 million tons in 2010. Similarly, the amount of coffee produced in Vietnam demonstrated a slight increase. It remained stable at about 0.1 million tons in the first two years, then rose mildly to 0.2 million tons in 2000 before increasing consistently to 0.3 million tons in 2010.
Although Indonesia’s coffee production initially had a lower figure, it surpassed the amount produced in Colombia by the end of the period. The figure for Indonesia stabilized at 0.2 million tons in 1990 and 1995, followed by steady growth to about 0.3 million tons in 2000, and then reaching 0.4 million tons by the end of the period. In contrast, Colombia’s coffee production declined steadily from 0.6 million tons in 1990 to around 0.5 million tons in 1995. The figure then continued to decrease moderately to 0.4 million tons in 2000 before ending the period at about 0.3 million tons in the final year.
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