The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relaevant.

The graph gives information about the age of the population of Iceland between 1990 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relaevant.

The bar graph compares the proportion of Icelandic age of population from 1990 to 2020.
Overall, what is salient in this graph is the significant increase in popluation of 25-54 age group, which also ended up with the highest figure, contrasting sharply with under-14 and 55-to-64 age brackets, which saw a downward trend. Meanwhile, the category of 65 and over saw the least change over the period shown.
Looking first at 25-54 and 65-and-over age groups, the majority of Icelandic inhabitants were estimated in the age group of the former in 1990. Thereafter, the proportion of this age group increase markedly and reaching nearly a half of the Iceland population. In contrast, Icelandic senior citizens remained unchanged in the first 10 years then reaching its peak at around 15% in 2010 before ended up at around 13% at the end of the period.
Moving finally to the remaining categories, starting at around 13% in 1990, the middle-aged group steadily falls to 10% in 2020. Meanwhile, the youngest age group went down sharply from 25% to just south of 20% from 1990 to 2020. Similarly, the age group of those who are from 15 to 24 years old roughly halved from more than 20% to just less than 10% over the period shown.

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Errors and Improvements:

"popluation" -> "population"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "popluation" to "population" ensures accuracy and maintains the professional quality of the essay.
"what is salient in this graph is" -> "the prominent feature of this graph is"
Explanation: "Salient" is less common in everyday language and can be replaced with "prominent" to convey the idea more clearly and concisely.
"contrastingly" -> "in contrast"
Explanation: "Contrastingly" is not commonly used in academic or formal writing. "In contrast" is a more suitable and widely recognized phrase to introduce opposing ideas.
"65-and-over age groups" -> "age group of 65 and over"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "age group of 65 and over" improves clarity and conforms to standard grammar conventions for describing age groups.
"estimated in the age group of the former" -> "within the latter age group"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Estimated in the age group of the former" can be replaced with "within the latter age group" to enhance clarity and readability.
"proportion of this age group increase markedly" -> "proportion of this age group increased markedly"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "increase" to "increased" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains consistency throughout the essay.
"ended up at around 13%" -> "stabilized at around 13%"
Explanation: "Stabilized" is a more precise term to describe the situation where something remains relatively constant over a period, compared to "ended up," which can be vague.
"went down sharply" -> "declined sharply"
Explanation: "Went down sharply" can be replaced with "declined sharply" to introduce a more formal and accurate term for a significant decrease.
"roughly halved" -> "approximately halved"
Explanation: Using "approximately halved" instead of "roughly halved" maintains formality and precision in expressing the decrease of an amount by half.
"from more than 20% to just less than 10%" -> "from over 20% to slightly below 10%"
Explanation: Replacing "more than" with "over" and "just less than" with "slightly below" provides a more precise and formal description of the percentage changes.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the age distribution of the Icelandic population from 1990 to 2020. It effectively highlights key features such as the significant increase in the 25-54 age group and the decreasing trends in the under-14 and 55-64 age brackets. However, some details may be inaccurate or lacking in clarity, such as the inconsistent use of percentages (e.g., "reaching nearly a half" instead of providing an exact percentage). Additionally, the essay could be more fully developed by providing more specific data points to support the trends mentioned.
How to improve: To improve, provide exact percentage values instead of approximations and ensure consistency in presenting data. Include more specific details and data points to support the trends described, enhancing the overall clarity and completeness of the essay. Consider organizing the information more cohesively to enhance readability and comprehension. Ensure accuracy and precision in the language used to describe the trends observed in the graph.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner with an overall progression, effectively summarizing the main features of the graph. There is clear organization and progression from one age group to another. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences, such as the transition between paragraphs and the use of cohesive devices. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphing, it could benefit from more logical structuring within paragraphs.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used accurately and consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence. Also, consider refining paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, with some use of less common lexical items. There is an attempt to convey precise meanings, especially evident in phrases like "significant increase," "contrasting sharply," and "estimated in the age group." The essay also shows awareness of style and collocation, seen in phrases like "the proportion of Icelandic inhabitants" and "the youngest age group went down sharply." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "popluation" (population), "popluation" (population), and "relaevant" (relevant), which slightly affect clarity. Overall, the lexical resource is adequate for the task, with some room for improvement in accuracy and sophistication.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on refining word choice and ensuring accurate spelling and word formation throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance precision and fluency further. Proofreading and editing for minor errors will help elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, incorporating various sentence structures to convey the information. There is an attempt at using complex structures, such as subordinate clauses, though not consistently throughout. The essay effectively communicates the main features of the graph and makes comparisons where relevant. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, which occasionally affect clarity and precision.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Pay close attention to punctuation and ensure accuracy in verb tense agreement and sentence construction. Proofreading the essay for grammatical errors before submission can help in identifying and rectifying any mistakes that may detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar graph illustrates changes in the age distribution of the Icelandic population from 1990 to 2020. Notably, there was a substantial increase in the proportion of individuals aged 25-54, which emerged as the largest demographic group. Conversely, the age brackets of under-14 and 55-64 experienced a declining trend. The category of 65 and over exhibited the least variation over the depicted period.

Beginning with the comparison between the 25-54 and 65-and-over age groups, the majority of Iceland’s populace fell within the former category in 1990. Subsequently, there was a marked surge in the proportion of individuals aged 25-54, peaking at nearly half of the population. In contrast, the proportion of Icelandic seniors remained relatively stable in the initial decade, reaching its zenith at around 15% in 2010 before decreasing to approximately 13% by the conclusion of the period.

Transitioning to the remaining demographics, the percentage of individuals aged 25-54 declined steadily from around 13% in 1990 to 10% in 2020. Conversely, the youngest age group experienced a sharp decrease from 25% to just under 20% over the same timeframe. Similarly, the demographic aged 15-24 approximately halved from over 20% to slightly below 10% during the observed period.