The graph shows London underground station passengers. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the min features.
The graph shows London underground station passengers. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the min features.
The line chart gives information on the numbers of passengers using London underground from 6.00 to 22.00 on a daily basic. Overall, more people travel in the early morning and the late afternoon. To be more specific, there is a sharp rise in the figure from 100 to a peak of 400 people during the first two hours, followed by a remarkable drop of more than 200 to 180 over the next two hours. The next four hours witness a steady increase to 300 passengers at 14.00, and then a significant decline to the lowest point at below 100 at 16.00. A similar pattern to the one over the first four hours can be observed over the next four hours. During the last hours of the day, there is a similar up and down trend but with a smaller range from 120 to 170 and back.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"on a daily basic" -> "on a daily basis"
Explanation: "Basic" is incorrectly used here. "On a daily basis" is the correct phrase to indicate the frequency of an occurrence over a day. -
"more people travel" -> "a greater number of passengers travel"
Explanation: "More people travel" is somewhat vague and informal. "A greater number of passengers travel" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style. -
"To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "To be more specific" is redundant in this context. "Specifically" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a detailed explanation. -
"a sharp rise in the figure" -> "a significant increase in the number of passengers"
Explanation: "A sharp rise in the figure" is somewhat informal and vague. "A significant increase in the number of passengers" is more specific and formal, clearly indicating the type of change being discussed. -
"remarkable drop" -> "substantial decrease"
Explanation: "Remarkable" can be seen as subjective and informal. "Substantial" is a more objective and academically appropriate term to describe the size of the decrease. -
"over the next two hours" -> "during the subsequent two hours"
Explanation: "Over the next two hours" is slightly informal. "During the subsequent two hours" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"a steady increase to 300 passengers" -> "a gradual increase to 300 passengers"
Explanation: "Steady" can imply a consistent rate, which might not be the case here. "Gradual" better describes a change that occurs over time without being too rapid or sudden. -
"the lowest point at below 100" -> "the lowest point, at less than 100"
Explanation: "At below 100" is grammatically incorrect. "At less than 100" is the correct form and is more formal. -
"A similar pattern to the one over the first four hours" -> "A comparable pattern to that observed during the first four hours"
Explanation: "A similar pattern to the one over the first four hours" is verbose and slightly informal. "A comparable pattern to that observed during the first four hours" is more concise and maintains a formal tone. -
"During the last hours of the day" -> "During the final hours of the day"
Explanation: "Last hours" is less formal and slightly ambiguous. "Final hours" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing. -
"a similar up and down trend" -> "a similar fluctuating trend"
Explanation: "Up and down trend" is informal and lacks precision. "Fluctuating trend" is more specific and academically suitable, clearly describing the variation in the data.
These changes enhance the formality and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that there is a "sharp rise" in the figure from 100 to 400 people during the first two hours, but the graph shows that the rise is more gradual. The essay also states that there is a "remarkable drop" of more than 200 to 180 over the next two hours, but the graph shows that the drop is only about 100.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details about the trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying "sharp rise," the essay could say "steady increase." Instead of saying "remarkable drop," the essay could say "significant decline."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. Each time period is discussed in a structured manner, and the description follows a logical sequence from morning to evening. The essay uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, such as "Overall," "To be more specific," "followed by," "witness," "A similar pattern," and "During the last hours." However, there is some overuse of certain phrases like "a similar pattern" and "a similar up and down trend," which slightly affects the cohesion. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different time periods and trends observed in the data.
How to improve:
- Vary Cohesive Devices: While the essay uses a range of cohesive devices, varying them more could enhance the flow and reduce repetition. For example, instead of repeating "a similar pattern," use alternatives like "mirroring the earlier trend" or "resembling the initial hours."
- Enhance Paragraphing: Although the essay logically organizes the information, breaking it into more distinct paragraphs could improve readability. For instance, separate the morning, afternoon, and evening trends into different paragraphs.
- Refine Sentence Structure: Improve the cohesion within sentences by ensuring that each sentence smoothly transitions to the next. This can be achieved by using more complex sentence structures and varying sentence lengths.
- Clarify Referencing: Ensure that all references to data points are clear and precise. For example, instead of "the next four hours witness a steady increase," specify the exact time frame to avoid ambiguity.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common terms like "sharp rise" and "remarkable drop." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice, such as "basic" instead of "basis," which detracts from the overall clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the lowest point at below 100," which could be phrased more clearly. These issues do not severely impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in precision and control.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Paying attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy will also enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary can further improve lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the characteristics of Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "on a daily basic" should be "on a daily basis"), these do not significantly impede communication. The overall structure is clear, and the main features of the graph are summarized adequately. However, the presence of errors in grammar and punctuation suggests that the essay does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and improving sentence variety. Incorporating more complex structures with correct punctuation and reducing the frequency of grammatical mistakes would also help. Additionally, ensuring that all phrases are correctly used (e.g., "on a daily basis" instead of "on a daily basic") would contribute to a clearer and more professional presentation of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line chart presents information on the number of passengers using the London Underground from 6:00 to 22:00 on a daily basis. Overall, more people travel during the early morning and late afternoon. Specifically, there is a sharp rise in the figures from 100 to a peak of 400 passengers during the first two hours, followed by a significant drop of more than 200to 180 over the next two hours. The subsequent four hours witness a steady increase to 300 passengers at 14:00, followed by a notable decline to the lowest point of below 100 at 16:00. A similar pattern to that observed in the first four hours can be seen in the next four hours. During the final hours of the day, there is a comparable up-and-down trend, albeit with a smaller range, fluctuating between 120 and 170.
Phản hồi